What girl would actually want me?

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I'm 25, I'm fat, I don't have a job, I don't have a car, I live with my mother, I think about sex too much and sometimes I just randomly talk about it, I have giant fatty manboobs, I'm only 5'8", I wear glasses, I'm confusing, and I try to avoid arguments because I don't want to ruin things. I want somebody to love me for who I am now, but that's impossible. Also I have social phobia and I'm afraid what might happen

You just described my ex

You seem a lot better than some of the people on here and they get gfs. At least you seem sane.

Well, sometimes I go off on an insane tangent, but it's almost always after I'm around people who are acting insane, acting like they dislike me in any number of ways, possibly PTSD (all the memories of people being insane), and/or generally treating me like s**t because they'd rather try to force me against my will to dabble in social courtesies than true logic. But it feels like I have three type of people to choose from: The insane, the robot, and the cruel.

I hate being rejected. And they think that the solution is to change myself so people will like me, while at the same time everyone goes "People will like if you just be yourself." Falling in love with a girl? How does that even work? Do you poke each other in the heart with your thumbs hoping something will suddenly happen? Seriously, wtf? What is love? What's the correct way to love somebody? Where do you find girls that are both nice, want sex, and will accept you for who you are?

That's really how bad it is for me. I remind you of your ex already. :X

Ah, but the fact that he is an ex means he was able to snag a woman.

There is hope for you yet!

But I genuinely don't understand how there is hope for me. Everyone seems to say that there's somebody for somebody until it comes to me. >.< This stuff seems to be so easy for everyone else. I don't even know the correct process of love. And the way people talk about it, you have to say the right things, act the right way, look the right way, and you have to do this for so long that it's so exhausting when it should be enjoyable. >.< I just want to be loved for who I am, not try to make people fall in love with me, but not become friends and hope by some amount of chance that seems worse than winning the lottery and getting struck by lightning combined that they'll love me and I'll love them.

Try and like yourself a little more....there is a lot of good looking guys out there who are idiots
Maybe if you try and get off a bit of weight..and maybe contact lenses instead of the glasses.

I am a bit over weight but working on it...it can be hard to get motivated but when you start to like yourself a little more it helps..and in the end you will feel more confident and that can help you overcome some other issues you might have.

But what if I lose the weight, then I start struggling with weight and gain the weight back, then I'll just go back to the same place, at least for physical attraction, as I am now? I want somebody to accept me for who I am. If they don't accept me for who I am as a fat guy, then how they can even even accept me for who I am at all? Who I am should technically be who I am on the inside, not the outside.

How do I make the facial scars disappear? How do I make my eyebrows look normal because they don't extend far enough without it starting to look like a unibrow will be created? What am I supposed to look like? What is correct personal hygiene? How do I get rid of acne? How do I afford all of this when I hardly have any money and I'm tied to some insurance plan that has a huge deductible that I could never pay?

Last edited by aspguy on 05 Jan 2013, 7:28 am, edited 2 times in total.

And after being shunned so many times by everyone, even my family, how will I EVER believe that somebody could love me or even fall in love with me?

He can set you free, see
But you have to listen,
Now who's that false idol
I see you kissing
Money, success and untold wealth, good health
And all you have to do is love yourself.
It's a fact you'll attract all the things that you lack,
So just chill
And get off the racetrack
And take a pace back, face facts,
It's your decision,
You don't need eyes to see,
You need vision,
Continue to view the lord as being separated
And You're living a lie that's been perpetrated,
For many centuries, I wanna mention these facts in my rap
Huh, I don't sing.
But I want to share the peace that they bring,
My name is G.O.D.
The Grand Oral Disseminator

@hale_bopp are you "fiona of the aspie elite" from new zealand?

To the OP............... the action of mirror neurons means you MUST love and respect yourself. It took about 20 women telling me its "impossible to love you because you hate yourself" and that never registered - but mirror neurons prove it!

Give yourself the love and the validation will follow.

you could try going to gym or exercising at home. alot of people don't drive. again, nothing wrong with living with your parents.
every guy thinks about sex too much. well, it ok talking about sex around other men but not around other women.
alot of guys wear glasses. Get contacts. yeah, arguments aren't fun.
no it's not impossible just might be very hard for you.

you are who are you. If you can't think you can change or don't want to change. Then try finding women who may be similiar to your personality.
find other fat girls to talk to. maybe there are support club for social anxiety people in your area. don't try going after club girls (for some reason every dating advice they want guys to go after club girls), or very pretty popular girls. They will hate you,even before you speak.
Like I said, find another woman who is in a similiar situtaion as you, and maybe you'll get lucky

unless you have horrible body odor, and still can possible find someone. if you want people to love you for who are, then why are complaining about how you are. take me, I get rejected by women. Im sure alot women think Im a jerk, a wimp, and all that ''good'' stuff, but that don't stop me from going out there and giving it my best shot. If some women don't like you, then get back up and go after enough group women. and if you don't think any women can ever like you. then find a hobby, do something else.

A girl who is also overweight, has no job or car, lives with her mother, thinks about sex too much, wears glasses, and has social phobia would probably consider you a match made in heaven! But it may be difficult to find such a girl. Of course, all of the things in your post are things that you can change, although some may take longer or be more difficult than others. For example, if you are overweight, you can get into a regular habit of dieting and exercise. Not only will it make you more attractive, but it will make you infinitely more healthy, and you will feel better and have greater self-esteem. You do have to keep it up once you lose the weight though, that's why you have to make a habit of it once you make the appropriate lifestyle changes. If you don't like wearing glasses, you can switch to contacts. Those in my opinion are the two easiest aspects to change, that you can start on right away. Losing the weight may take a while, but adopting a healthier lifestyle doesn't . To get rid of acne/facial scars, I'd recommend trying some over-the-counter acne medication and maybe some facial creams, and seeing a dermatologist if they don't help.

If you have severe social phobia, I'd recommend seeing a therapist, perhaps try to get some medication for it also. It may take a lot of effort on your part to make any noticeable progress, but it is indeed treatable (I used to have terrible social anxiety a few years ago, now it's almost a thing of the past). For the job/car situation, that depends more on your personal situation. Do you have any education or work experience? If not, then I'd suggest either trying to obtain some in whatever field you would like to work in, or look for a good job that doesn't really require any (I always recommend construction in this case, it's really hard work but it's very stable with good pay). And with a job, you solve 3 of those issues at once: employment, car, and living arrangements! Albeit you may have to work a while and save up some money first.

You say that you want someone to love you as you are, but how can they, when you don't seem to love yourself? That's step #1: developing a positive self-image! Not to mention, in relationships people want to be with someone who is self-sufficient and is able to take good care of themselves. And just note that all of these things take time, they will not happen overnight. And you may not be able to change all of them. But if you could even change just one, that would be an improvement, would it not?

If you're only 25, it's too early to be so pessimistic about it...

Me, I am almost like that. I feel your pain, bro.