I rejected someone last night: Do you think this is mean?

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aspiemike
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24 Feb 2013, 10:16 pm

I was with a group of friends for a meetup event and it was a pub crawl event. I was pretty sober for the night and had a good night over all.
During the third and final location of the event, there was one particular girl (attention grabber) that kept grabbing and pinching my ass. I am not a fan of being grabbed by a random stranger without permission. After a few minutes, I noticed that one girl-friend of mine (we have a mutual attraction) showed up and we started to dance. I noticed that the attention grabber kept giving me and my friend some pretty dirty looks. When my friend went to dance with a couple of our friends, the attention grabber came over to talk to me. The conversation pretty much went as followed:
Her: I've been trying to get your attention all night.
Me: Yes, I have noticed it. (someone displeased tone in my voice)
(look on her face doesn't like very happy, doesn't know whether she should apologize or not),
Me: You don't need to worry about it. I am not upset.
Her: Let me ask a question, are you interested or not?
Me: No.
(She walks away)
She now starts dancing with other guys and continues to keep looking at me to see how I respond. I don't respond.

The girls in my group of friends told me that based on how I rejected this girl that I was mean and didn't care for her feelings. The guys in the group didn't particularly think the same way. The reason I was given for it being mean was "She had to work up a lot of courage to come over and talk to you, and you brushed it off like it didn't matter." Considering this is a first time i had to knowingly reject someone, I have to say that it could use some work in the future.
Was this rejection mean?



MXH
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24 Feb 2013, 10:21 pm

It doesn't seem overly mean to me. If anything that'd be a job well done genders reversed.



aspiesandra27
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24 Feb 2013, 10:37 pm

I would have been much meaner at the first point where she pinched my ass. That is rude. But it probably wasn't clear to her that you didn't delight in the gesture, or she would have stopped at that?



MXH
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24 Feb 2013, 10:42 pm

aspiesandra27 wrote:
I would have been much meaner at the first point where she pinched my ass. That is rude. But it probably wasn't clear to her that you didn't delight in the gesture, or she would have stopped at that?

Its kinda what I mean, most girls would have slapped the s**t out of a guy pinching their butt, or throw a drink or get them kicked out.



cathylynn
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24 Feb 2013, 10:48 pm

perhaps nicer would have been, "you're attractive, but i'm with someone else." or some similar compliment before letting her know you weren't available.



MountainLaurel
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24 Feb 2013, 10:55 pm

Quote:
Was this rejection mean?

No. It was perfect. You really were not interested and you responded in a way that didn't leave any room for doubt. Anything less clear or more elaborate may have seemed like an opening to her. You did a favor for both of you.
PS: You didn't insult her, you just said no.



aspiesandra27
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24 Feb 2013, 11:00 pm

MXH wrote:
aspiesandra27 wrote:
I would have been much meaner at the first point where she pinched my ass. That is rude. But it probably wasn't clear to her that you didn't delight in the gesture, or she would have stopped at that?

Its kinda what I mean, most girls would have slapped the sh** out of a guy pinching their butt, or throw a drink or get them kicked out.


I wouldn't need to do any of those, MXH, an assertive statement telling her to quit touching my ass, would be enough. Sometimes one of my looks and they get the message. I *hate* people like that, who over familiarise just because they think they can?



CaptainTrips222
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24 Feb 2013, 11:49 pm

aspiesandra27 wrote:
MXH wrote:
aspiesandra27 wrote:
I would have been much meaner at the first point where she pinched my ass. That is rude. But it probably wasn't clear to her that you didn't delight in the gesture, or she would have stopped at that?

Its kinda what I mean, most girls would have slapped the sh** out of a guy pinching their butt, or throw a drink or get them kicked out.


I wouldn't need to do any of those, MXH, an assertive statement telling her to quit touching my ass, would be enough. Sometimes one of my looks and they get the message. I *hate* people like that, who over familiarise just because they think they can?


Usually it's guys who do sh** like that, but it seems like it's more acceptable when a woman does it.



Venger
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24 Feb 2013, 11:50 pm

aspiesandra27 wrote:
MXH wrote:
aspiesandra27 wrote:
I would have been much meaner at the first point where she pinched my ass. That is rude. But it probably wasn't clear to her that you didn't delight in the gesture, or she would have stopped at that?

Its kinda what I mean, most girls would have slapped the sh** out of a guy pinching their butt, or throw a drink or get them kicked out.


I wouldn't need to do any of those, MXH, an assertive statement telling her to quit touching my ass, would be enough. Sometimes one of my looks and they get the message. I *hate* people like that, who over familiarise just because they think they can?


That's why he said most girls meaning NTs. That also makes it ironic that the girls in the OPs group said he was being mean by rejecting her cause they probably would've flipped-out if the genders were reversed in that situation.



Tahitiii
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24 Feb 2013, 11:53 pm

Maybe your friends didn’t know about the grabbing and pinching?
No, with someone like that, you need to make it clear. Anything less and she would have kept at it.



IlovemyAspie
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25 Feb 2013, 1:03 am

MountainLaurel wrote:
Quote:
Was this rejection mean?

No. It was perfect. You really were not interested and you responded in a way that didn't leave any room for doubt. Anything less clear or more elaborate may have seemed like an opening to her. You did a favor for both of you.
PS: You didn't insult her, you just said no.


I agree.



MjrMajorMajor
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25 Feb 2013, 1:12 am

IlovemyAspie wrote:
MountainLaurel wrote:
Quote:
Was this rejection mean?

No. It was perfect. You really were not interested and you responded in a way that didn't leave any room for doubt. Anything less clear or more elaborate may have seemed like an opening to her. You did a favor for both of you.
PS: You didn't insult her, you just said no.


I agree.


Ditto on that.



ASDsmom
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25 Feb 2013, 1:17 am

MountainLaurel wrote:
Quote:
Was this rejection mean?

No. It was perfect. You really were not interested and you responded in a way that didn't leave any room for doubt.


Agree.



auntblabby
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25 Feb 2013, 1:44 am

i woulda said something to the effect of "i'm sorry but i'm with somebody else."



BlueMax
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25 Feb 2013, 2:13 am

I think you handled it very well. She deserved far worse for pinching your rear... not exactly classy. :?

95% odds she only wanted one thing from you that night...



Kezzstar
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25 Feb 2013, 5:00 am

BlueMax wrote:
I think you handled it very well. She deserved far worse for pinching your rear... not exactly classy. :?

95% odds she only wanted one thing from you that night...


Actually, I'd say two things - sex and for him to buy her drinks.

Great work though aspiemike. Straight, to the point and not mean in the slightest. *high five*

Some people really need to learn boundaries!


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