Ever feel like dating has turned into a job interview?

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The last four or five weeks I've been trying to coordinate a lunch date with a woman on OKC. I tried very hard to be accomodating, but she was always having schedule conflicts, to where it was like booking an appointment to a bloody physician. Then when we schedule a time, she contacts me last minute to see if we could move it up an hour. Sadly I couldn't so the date was off. I tried in earnest to reschedule, and finally got this reply:

"I appreciate your continued interest in meeting, but I am not available to set up anything."

It's not the rejection that bothers me (I was getting vibes her interest in me was luke warm, but still tried all the same). It's that the whole process of dating seems to have been reduced down to a job interview almost. We meet, go through the formalities, and then either you're hired or they never speak to you again.

I want this process to be fun. I'd like to make new friends, and just take things on a natural course, but everyone else seems to be committed to the dating paradigm or nothing at all. It frustrates me to no end that I come away, and I won't even have made a new human connection, because the other person won't return my calls or text messages. News flash ladies, I'm not trying to get in your pants. I just want to get to know you better and have a fun time, and see where things go in the due course of time. Call me back! This is life, not a college application or a job interview FOR GOD'S SAKE!

Brian, you need to relax, you always come off as dramatic and needy in your posts which can be unattractive. Just stop caring and start having fun with it, make the girl laugh and have a fun time and she will want to hang out with you. Act busy even if you aren't, the moment you start acting desperate is the moment you will sabotage your attraction value to her.

Dude I'm not an idiot. I don't act like this on a date. I put on my very best. I listen, ask questions about her, try to joke and make her laugh, and act confident. I'm doing everything I can, and I come away mystified when a date I thought went marvelously turns into nothing because the other person never responds when I ask her out again.

I just want some human contact with a woman. That's all.

Don't feel alone. I recently read an article written by a woman in her forties. She expressed the same feelings. She has lunch with a guy, and finds it impossible to connect. People's attitude towards dating has changed a lot.

Maybe you don't conciously act that way but it wouldn't surprise me if you were subconciously giving off vibes. You go into dates with a lot of emotional baggage........

So how then do I shake this baggage when the whole reason is I've got baggage is because I can't get past the second date. I'm not looking for marriage, for The One, for someone to fill the void. It's just my total lack of any success or progress is so disheartening. I would feel much better if only I could make it to the 2nd date, the 3rd date...just to know, "Okay, I'm improving, I'm getting better." But I'm not.

And it's not like I'm sitting around waiting for someone to drop in my lap. I'm putting myself out there, really trying to meet people, and still, no success, and it terrifies me that I'm going to get older and older, and less and less romantically viable, no matter how hard I try. Because at the end of the day, I want to be able to share my life with someone. I've got a lot of love to give somebody. I'm tired of doing everything by myself. I want to travel WITH someone. I want to enjoy life with somebody. And yet, it hasn't happened, while everyone around me is getting married and moving ahead with their lives. I just want what everyone else wants, but the system has changed now. Once it was romantic to write a sonnet, to court and write love letters. Now it's stalkerish. No one has time, or is willing to make time. I have very little free time, working as much as I do to support myself, but I still make an effort. But to no effect.

Chill out.......You're not even 30 yet. You have all the time in the world to find someone and build a career and all that other crap. Keep trying and stop putting the weight of the world on every film you make and every date you go on.

What kinds of women have you been going with?

Not being choosy, that's for sure. I'm outdoorsy, enjoy running and biking, so I like to find women who share these interests, but it's not a dealbreak, and I've certainly gone on dates with women who weren't outdoorsy.

The major thing is I like intelligence, which is an awfully broad thing to say. More specifically, someone who enjoys discussing...well anything. Someone to talk about the topics of the day.

Really the only dealbreakers are drugs and smoking.

Funny you should mention that, because there's a lot of similarities. Main difference is that in dating you're interviewing to be a romantic partner, and the setting is more relaxed, but the principles are the same. I know that as I worked on my job interview skills, I got progressively better at handling dates at the same time, now I have little trouble on the actual dates themselves (it's all the other stuff that goes with it that's still giving me problems lol!)

Like another poster mentioned, I mean you said before that you would sell your soul to get into a relationship. When you're that desperate, I don't see how you could NOT be giving off some subconscious signals or indications to others, even if you're the most socially proficient person in the world. I personally really think that you should try to see a therapist or a counselor to work on your issues. They could give you direct feedback on what you may be doing right or wrong on dates, how to improve socially, etc. Because at the end of the day, all of us on this forum can offer all the advice in the world, but we don't know you in person, know your personality, or know how others perceive you.

Also something else that may help: if I remember correctly, you put your okcupid profile on here once, and had the same user name on there as you do on this site. If so, I'd highly recommend changing one of them. Imagine if a girl you're interested in google searches your user name out of curiosity, and finds a post of you saying you'd sell your soul to be with her...I know that would kind of freak me out.

I'd like to try something with you. List the things you like about yourself Brian. What are your strengths?

I mean Technically you're correct, he's still got the bulk of his life ahead of him.. but culturally speaking.. he's going against a heck of a lot of norms...

Interesting question. Objectively I know I have strengths, but subjectively, I feel I need improvement in all areas, and have a lot of catching up to do. But with that said, objectively I know some strengths about me are:

I'm a good runner (I've run 16:18 5K, 33:20 10K, and a 1:16:20 half marathon)
I'm good at restoring antiques
I'm good at research
I'm a good scriptwriter (I've written an Emmy winning documentary)
I'm good at coin and baseball card collecting
I'm good with cameras and motion picture production
I'm health conscious
I'm goal driven
I'm ambitious and aspire to great success
I challenge myself to do better and be better
I'm knowledgeable of history, politics, economics, religion and cinema
I'm gentle
I'm well meaning
I want to give back to the world, and I'm not just about accumulating material wealth

Yep. That's exactly it. You are trying to convince another that you are worthy enough to keep. Whether it's for a job or relationship - it's irrelevant.

Emmy-winning documentary. Good selling point. Many girls would love to date a filmmaker.

For me though, job interviews are much more painful. Trust me.

I think you have more than enough to sell yourself as dateable. Now privately in and in front of your own eyes, write down your weaknesses and address how you want to deal with them.

Based on what he's posted before. In terms of norms, he's already more successful in a professional context than most people his own age. Yes, he's behind in the personal/romantic sense but there's no reason that can't change with some persistance. He's very elligable and not bad looking either. Like I've said before, it's his desperate attitude that I think is the real issue.