How does NT protect themselves from AS meltdown?

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Ive been dating an AS for 7 years. Now that I know more about AS I was wondering if anyone can explain to me how to avoid the meltdown...do I leave or do I stay? Do I stay quiet or do try to calmly talk to him....any help or advice would be appreciated. BTW...he is in denial.

When I get to this point, I explain that I need a moment to calm down, and then I come back and speak to the person.

The problem is that he doesn't recognize that he's heading towards a meltdown...I do. What can I do to help him avoid the explosion?

For me when I hit meltdown mode it is best to let me be. The sooner I am by myself the sooner I begin to recover. But meltdown mode can last days... small things can set me back off... so again.. lots of alone time is good.

for your own safety, leave the room.

No kind of taking or being quiet is going to avert a meltdown.

If he is in denial, he is uninterested in learning his triggers and warning signs.

But you have learned to recognize when he is headed into a meltdown; you are in a perfect position to leave before each meltdown is full blown. Practicing this would seem to be, exactly, self protective.

I'm stating the obvious; just feeding back what you've told us.

So I don't understand why you have the question; How does an NT protect themselves from AS meltdown?

Thank you all for your responses...as an NT I wish I knew how to help him (and therefore help me) to divert him from his meltdown. He is not violent or anything he just gets extreamly critical of me and seems to see me as the "enemy". My instinct is to try to talk it out, ask him what's wrong, try to cheer him up...but it seems like I only end up digging a bigger hole for myself. I guess the best repsonse to this was to leave him alone...give him time to deal with things by himself...which is soooo counter intuative for me. I'm learning a new language and ...well let me give you an example.....I ask him to "give me a hug"...he states he "can't give me a hug because I asked for one" and now he feels "pressure" to give me one...and so therefore can't give me a hug...he says he needs to initiate it (the hug)...but If I wait for him...I'll be waiting a very, very long time.

You'll be waiting a very long time indeed! My BF is the same. I was down, and at the end of my tether the other day and I asked my BF for a hug, he said, I do not have a crystal ball, I cannot see into the future so therefore I probably cannot provide you with the hug that you say you need. "WTF!! !! ....I'm not asking for the freaking Eiffel Tower!! ! Im asking MY BF for a hug! Whats that all about I ask the male aspies on here! Plz help me understand.

And also, a previous reply said, "she is asking what would be more helpful from an AS perspective because the NT instinct is not helpful, at least it wasn't helpful for me". Yes I would also like to know what is helpful from the AS perspective on how us NT can help them in a meltdown. As an NT obviously a simple hug is the answer for me when I'm feeling stressed. What would the AS like?

I know that you want to help him and yourself. Would it help if you framed the issue this way:

Melt downs take many forms. The aspie I know most closely, melts down by shutting down, for example. Your boyfriend's version of melting down is lashing out at you and consequently degrading himself (satisfying an ugly urge) in your presence. Removing yourself as a target will do no harm. It protects you from hearing (and remembering) hurtful statements and it disables him from degrading himself in front of another person. Removing yourself will not prevent a meltdown; but it will change the fallout dramatically.

Why not consider removing yourself, pre-meltdown, to be a mercy to both of you?

So basically its like a train coming down the tracks..there is no way to derail it...if he's going heading toward a melt down then just get out of the way...ok...it seems sad..wish I could help him more...like distract him somehow...but alas, I just need to learn to get the hell out of the way. I will do my best to do this. But every fiber of my being feels that he's crying out for help...but that's just my projection. He's actually better off that I leave the situation. I get it...its just hard to hear.

Guess I'll be leaving a lot...LOL

Try a keyword or phrase
Try a physical signal

Discuss and agree on what it is beforehand, and what it means. And be sure to use it in only that context.

For example, I always tell my significant other that if something is going too far, they are to say "game over" which will indicate to me that I need to check where I'm going with (physical or verbal) actions. It is less harsh than someone yelling 'stop' and therefor I don't feel... SLAPPED when someone uses it; I also know that when someone goes through the consideration to actually use MY phrase, they are at the same time showing an effort on their part, as well as honoring my own supplied choice of words and what I have defined them to mean.

And this way I know it's not just an arbitrary 'stop' which comes far too swift to some people, and is too often so variable in actual meaning.

in my meltdowns i go into a unstoppable insult mode. i will say everything that i find displeasurable about whatever i am strongly displeased about.
i go into a kind of seizure where i strenuously reveal every scathing idea i have previously harbored and withheld from revealing to the target of my angst.

My BF is textbook Aspergers and I have known this for nearly a year. His last meltdown was so out of left field and very hurtful (as they all are), that I told him that I can no longer be with someone who cannot ever seem to look within and take responsibility for anything. I am tired of apologizing for his faults and mine....and until he can learn how to apologize i can no longer be with him. And by the way...you have Aspergers Syndrome!
Since then, Feb 14, he has been melting down with the info. He is now disrespectful, and mean when he calls me. He 'limits' our calls to 15 minutes and has the rudeness of announcing the countdown.
My question is, once he is in meltdown mode (for two weeks now)....Is there anyway to 'reach' him? Is there anyway to stop his negative behavior?

He sounds like he has a lot going on and it might be better for you to move on from him altogether.....that's just my view it's and it's coming from an Aspie!

S x