Smiling

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People tell me I don't smile much, and it's for two reasons: 1. As an aspie I find I often don't know how NTs are reading my face so I try and keep a straight one as much as possible and 2. I always felt like an open smile directly at someone's face is an intimate act that sends a direct message that can be: I like you, you make me happy, I want to be friends, I find you attractive, etc. so I never do unless it's with family or good friends. NTs don't see it that way at all: they view smiling as impersonal and meant to be pleasing and polite. On a side note, I find that aspie girls actually smile a lot, but don't like being smiled at. I knew one who laughed and giggled around me all the time, but when I shook her hand and said "Nice to meet you" with a smile, she turned red. Very confusing.

As you can imagine this has caused me some confusion when around neurotypical women. I have a very hard time understanding when a smile means actual friendliness or attraction and when it's just a polite, public smile: the smile of a waitress. Even worse, I have no idea when a smile means a cover for discomfort. NT have had to explain this to me over the years, and I get it, but I still have a hard time identifying it.

I do not smile much also-I just havent had much to smile about lately and I just cant put on a happy act and if I try to put on an act I get exhuasted real fast.

I actually find smiling very difficult. Sometimes, when I think I'm smiling, it appears to everyone else that I'm keeping a straight face. It's as though my cheek muscles are under-sensitive.

I can relate to that a little. An open wide smile with teeth visible is hard for me unless I'm laughing. In fact I have to make myself laugh when I'm posing for pictures. When I try to open my mouth and smile it looks horrible. The easiest thing for me to to is a closed lip curl, which sometimes is not read correctly: they can think I'm wincing or even frowning.

As an NT...all I can say is that if you don't want to smile don't...if you do want to smile then take comfort in the fact that most people are more open and friendly with people who smile...its not up to you to determine how the other takes your smile...if they think OH MY GOD that guy likes me...then they will do something to investigate it further...Just remember that a smile is only a smile...even if the other person tries to place meaning on it...it will only just be a smile until they (NT's) persue it further to find out if you really do "like" them.

A smile is a funny thing. There are plenty of smilers..but it doesn't always have an underlying meaning...most of the time its just considered being friendly. But, people can pick up a "forced smile" that WILL make people uncomfortable if they detect it...the NT will as herself...why is this guy forcing a smile my way? why would he have to fake a smile? this will cause them to be mistrusting...wondering what the guy is hiding. If you have to fake a smile...practice it with a friend or record it to see what it looks like. I know that smiling doesn't come easy for some of you and some of ou want to "fit in"...practice it...why not, it may help you to at least appear more authentic.