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Asking her out finally (hopefully)

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Taybot97
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16 Apr 2013, 8:02 pm

I've liked a girl for a while now (since January actually, i had known her for a while but it was early this semester I realized I liked her) and really want to let her know. I want to be more than just friends, and if she (unfortunately) doesn't feel the same way I do then I know its time try to move on. I've thought about it and got some stuff I think would be good to say but I want a second opinion.

Quote:
*walk up to her*
"Hey, can I talk to you?"
Then when I get her alone
"Hey Anna, I've wanted to say this to you but have been too scared before now. I like you and would love to do more with you. So here's my phone number and if you're free this weekend text me and we can set something up."


And if I don't get the chance to talk to her in person or get too scared I've thought about just handing her a note, that doesn't need more than 5 seconds to hand her and I don't need to get her along. It feels like a good back-up plan and I've thought about what to write in it too.

Quote:
Anna,

I would have liked to say this to you in person but I never got a good chance to talk to you alone. I don't really know how to say this any way creative or fancy so straight forward should be the next best thing, I like you. You're pretty, smart, funny, an all around great person. I'd like to take our friendship further, be more than friends. If you're free this weekend here's my number [insert phone number] and you can text me to set something up.




So there they are, I want to tell her soon that I like her. This is what I've come up with but I want a second person to look it over before I say something stupid and mess it up with her, and I trust the anonymity I have here more than I trust any person I know in person.



cathylynn
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16 Apr 2013, 9:16 pm

both ways seem okay, but in person will be better received and give you achance to gauge her reaction.



onewithstrange
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17 Apr 2013, 1:26 am

I'd suggest having some activity prepared beforehand, rather than invite her to spend an ambiguous weekend. (How would you respond?) And it should be an activity, something you can both have fun doing and which allows you two to talk. Maybe you could frame it like it's something you were going to do anyway and wanted to invite her along for, that way you may come off as more interesting. I haven't used this advice personally, but it seems reasonable.



Geekonychus
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17 Apr 2013, 11:34 am

Taybot97 wrote:
walk up to her*
"Hey, can I talk to you?"
Then when I get her alone
"Hey Anna, I've wanted to say this to you but have been too scared before now. I like you and would love to do more with you. So here's my phone number and if you're free this weekend text me and we can set something up."
Anna,

I would have liked to say this to you in person but I never got a good chance to talk to you alone. I don't really know how to say this any way creative or fancy so straight forward should be the next best thing, I like you. You're pretty, smart, funny, an all around great person. I'd like to take our friendship further, be more than friends. If you're free this weekend here's my number [insert phone number] and you can text me to set something up.


None of these are a good idea. Seeing as how you don't have each other's phone numbers it doesn't seem like you know each other very well yet. Opening with "I like you" before even going on a date is coming on waaaaaay too strong and probably the quickest way to the "creepzone." Not fair I know, but thems the facts.

Instead you should be saying........

"Hey, want to hangout at [insert fun activity you both might enjoy] sometime?" and exchange numbers.

That's it. If she agrees to a hangout wait until then to tell her how you feel.



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17 Apr 2013, 11:49 am

Geekonychus wrote:
Taybot97 wrote:
walk up to her*
"Hey, can I talk to you?"
Then when I get her alone
"Hey Anna, I've wanted to say this to you but have been too scared before now. I like you and would love to do more with you. So here's my phone number and if you're free this weekend text me and we can set something up."
Anna,

I would have liked to say this to you in person but I never got a good chance to talk to you alone. I don't really know how to say this any way creative or fancy so straight forward should be the next best thing, I like you. You're pretty, smart, funny, an all around great person. I'd like to take our friendship further, be more than friends. If you're free this weekend here's my number [insert phone number] and you can text me to set something up.


None of these are a good idea. Seeing as how you don't have each other's phone numbers it doesn't seem like you know each other very well yet. Opening with "I like you" before even going on a date is coming on waaaaaay too strong and probably the quickest way to the "creepzone." Not fair I know, but thems the facts.

Instead you should be saying........

"Hey, want to hangout at [insert fun activity you both might enjoy] sometime?" and exchange numbers.

That's it. If she agrees to a hangout wait until then to tell her how you feel.


I agree, wait until you are on a first date, put your arm around her and if she is receptive in her body language, go in for a kiss.



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18 Apr 2013, 1:20 am

When I asked my ex out, I went for the simple but effective "You doin' anything this weekend? Wanna go *insert activity here*?".

Quick, simple, gets the job done :)


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18 Apr 2013, 3:05 am

What the Geek said and never mention "too scared" or anything of the like.



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18 Apr 2013, 6:48 am

Geekonychus wrote:
None of these are a good idea. Seeing as how you don't have each other's phone numbers it doesn't seem like you know each other very well yet. Opening with "I like you" before even going on a date is coming on waaaaaay too strong and probably the quickest way to the "creepzone." Not fair I know, but thems the facts.

Instead you should be saying........

"Hey, want to hangout at [insert fun activity you both might enjoy] sometime?" and exchange numbers.

That's it. If she agrees to a hangout wait until then to tell her how you feel.


What if she interprets that in a platonic way? There's nothing there to indicate he is interested in her. How will she know he's asking her on a date? If someone said that to me, I'd just assume they just wanted to do whatever it was so we could become friends, not so we could become a couple.



Geekonychus
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18 Apr 2013, 8:53 am

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
None of these are a good idea. Seeing as how you don't have each other's phone numbers it doesn't seem like you know each other very well yet. Opening with "I like you" before even going on a date is coming on waaaaaay too strong and probably the quickest way to the "creepzone." Not fair I know, but thems the facts.

Instead you should be saying........

"Hey, want to hangout at [insert fun activity you both might enjoy] sometime?" and exchange numbers.

That's it. If she agrees to a hangout wait until then to tell her how you feel.


What if she interprets that in a platonic way? There's nothing there to indicate he is interested in her. How will she know he's asking her on a date?

I'm pretty confident most girls will figure out the subtext beforehand. Even if she doesn't, it's still more tactful and less creepy to do it this way.

The fact that he doesn't even have her phone number leads me to belive she doesn't actually know him that well. The OP should be getting to know this girl in a more intimate context (one on one activities) to see if there's chemistry first.



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18 Apr 2013, 9:38 am

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
None of these are a good idea. Seeing as how you don't have each other's phone numbers it doesn't seem like you know each other very well yet. Opening with "I like you" before even going on a date is coming on waaaaaay too strong and probably the quickest way to the "creepzone." Not fair I know, but thems the facts.

Instead you should be saying........

"Hey, want to hangout at [insert fun activity you both might enjoy] sometime?" and exchange numbers.

That's it. If she agrees to a hangout wait until then to tell her how you feel.


What if she interprets that in a platonic way? There's nothing there to indicate he is interested in her. How will she know he's asking her on a date? If someone said that to me, I'd just assume they just wanted to do whatever it was so we could become friends, not so we could become a couple.


That is why he needs to use the body language indicators and signals to allow it to progress to the next level.



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18 Apr 2013, 10:04 am

You're forgetting that he is an ASPIE. :roll:


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18 Apr 2013, 10:09 am

ya'll are going to give him a complex before he even leaves his computer, sheesh!

hey OP: GO FOR IT! You'll feel better either way just getting it over with! Who cares if she rejects you because you are torturing yourself about it now.

GO GO GO!


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18 Apr 2013, 1:23 pm

yeah I say just go for it. All of this overthinking is going to drive you crazy! Dude, just do it. However it comes out will be fine. Whether you bumble your way through your speech or nail it perfectly. You'll talk yourself right out of it if you think too hard.


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CrinklyCrustacean
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19 Apr 2013, 2:52 am

IlovemyAspie wrote:
Dude, just do it. However it comes out will be fine. Whether you bumble your way through your speech or nail it perfectly. You'll talk yourself right out of it if you think too hard.

YES! Just get on with it, and let us know of your success! :D