19 Things To Stop Doing in Your 20s

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This may or may not belong in this sub-forum, it seems like the best fit to me.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/19-thing ... -your-20s/

1. Stop placing all the blame on other people for how they interact with you. To an extent, people treat you the way you want to be treated. A lot of social behavior is cause and effect. Take responsibility for (accept) the fact that you are the only constant variable in your equation.

2. Stop being lazy by being constantly “busy.” It’s easy to be busy. It justifies never having enough time to clean, cook for yourself, go out with friends, meet new people. Realize that every time you give in to your ‘busyness,’ it’s you who’s making the decision, not the demands of your job.

3. Stop seeking out distractions. You will always be able to find them.

4. Stop trying to get away with work that’s “good enough.” People notice when “good enough” is how you approach your job. Usually these people will be the same who have the power to promote you, offer you a health insurance plan, and give you more money. They will take your approach into consideration when thinking about you for a raise.

5. Stop allowing yourself to be so comfortable all the time. Coming up with a list of reasons to procrastinate risky, innovative decisions offers more short-term gratification than not procrastinating. But when you stop procrastinating to make a drastic change, your list of reasons to procrastinate becomes a list of ideas about how to better navigate the risk you’re taking.

6. Stop identifying yourself as a cliche and start treating yourself as an individual. Constantly checking your life against a prewritten narrative or story of how things “should” be is a bought-into way of life. It’s sort of like renting your identity. It isn’t you. You are more nuanced than the narrative you try to fit yourself into, more complex than the story that “should” be happening.

7. Stop expecting people to be better than they were in high school — learn how to deal with it instead. Just because you’re out of high school doesn’t mean you’re out of high school. There will always be people in your life who want what you have, are threatened by who you are, and will ridicule you for doing something that threatens how they see their position in the world.

8. Stop being stingy. If you really care about something, spend your money on it. There is often a notion that you are saving for something. Either clarify what that thing is or start spending your money on things that are important to you. Spend money on road trips. Spend money on healthy food. Spend money on opportunities. Spend money on things you’ll keep.

9. Stop treating errands as burdens. Instead, use them as time to focus on doing one thing, and doing it right. Errands and chores are essentially rote tasks that allow you time to think. They function to get you away from your phone, the internet, and other distractions. Focus and attention span are difficult things to maintain when you’re focused and attentive on X amount of things at any given moment.

10. Stop blaming yourself for being human. You’re fine. Having a little anxiety is fine. Being scared is fine. Your secrets are fine. You’re well-meaning. You’re intelligent. You’re blowing it out of proportion. You’re fine.

11. Stop ignoring the fact that other people have unique perspectives and positions. Start approaching people more thoughtfully. People will appreciate you for deliberately trying to conceive their own perspective and position in the world. It not only creates a basis for empathy and respect, it also primes people to be more open and generous with you.

12. Stop seeking approval so hard. Approach people with the belief that you’re a good person. It’s normal to want the people around you to like you. But it becomes a self-imposed burden when almost all your behavior toward certain people is designed to constantly reassure you of their approval.

13. Stop considering the same things you’ve always done as the only options there are. It’s unlikely that one of the things you’ll regret when you’re older is not having consumed enough beer in your 20s, or not having bought enough $5 lattes, or not having gone out to brunch enough times, or not having spent enough time on the internet. Fear of missing out is a real, toxic thing. You’ve figured out drinking and going out. You’ve experimented enough. You’ve gotten your fill of internet memes. Figure something else out.

14. Stop rejecting the potential to feel pain. Suffering is a universal constant for sentient beings. It is not unnatural to suffer. Being in a constant state of suffering is bad. But it is often hard to appreciate happiness when there’s nothing to compare it to. Rejecting the potential to suffer is unsustainable and unrealistic.

15. Stop approaching adverse situations with anger and frustration. You will always deal with people who want things that seem counter to your interests. There will always be people who threaten to prevent you from getting what you want by trying to get what they want. This is naturally frustrating. Realize that the person you’re dealing with is in the same position as you — by seeking out your own interests, you threaten to thwart theirs. It isn’t personal — you’re both just focused on getting different things that happen to seem mutually exclusive. Approach situations like these with reason. Be calm. Don’t start off mad, it’ll only make things more tense.

16. Stop meeting anger with anger. People will make you mad. Your reaction to this might be to try and make them mad. This is something of a first-order reaction. That is, it isn’t very thoughtful — it may be the first thing you’re inclined to do. Try to suppress this reaction. Be thoughtful. Imagine your response said aloud before you say it. If you don’t have to respond immediately, don’t.

17. Stop agreeing to do things that you know you’ll never actually do. It doesn’t help anyone. To a certain extent, it’s a social norm to be granted a ‘free pass’ when you don’t do something for someone that you said you were going to do. People notice when you don’t follow through, though, especially if it’s above 50% of the time.

18. Stop ‘buying’ things you know you’ll throw away. Invest in friendships that aren’t parasitic. Spend your time on things that aren’t distractions. Put your stock in fleeting opportunity. Focus on the important.

19. Stop being afraid.



Do you agree with this list? Do you do any of these things and do you wish to stop? Or did you do these things in the past... etc?

How do you think these behaviors impact relationships and have these behaviors from either yourself or your partner had an impact on your (past or present) relationships?

I think you're onto something here

I think that most of these are spot on, save for "stop being afraid". There are lots of reasons to be afraid, it's part of what keeps us alive. **But it shouldn't hold you back.**

Other than that, I really enjoyed reading. I'm a sucker for this kind of material.

I like your pic, Bluecurry

Wow, I'm guilty of, like, 3/4 of the things on the list.

But, yes, I agree with most of the list.

1. Stop blaming your parents--you are now in charge of your own life.

2. Stop trusting people.

Very helpful and insightful. Thank you for posting this.

No, I think some of us don't trust people enough. Learning whom to trust is a more important skill.

Thanks for the post. I believe it can be very helpful to a lot of people.

I agree on number 1, but there is people worth trusting. I know sometimes it's hard to trust other people, but there are some who are really worth it. Besides, without trust, how can you find true love or an honest friendship?

I agree with this. Trusting the right person means always having someone you can count on, which can really be comforting in a bad time.

Obviously, the opposite is very stressful.

Meems, you've out-done yourself. This is a great find!

I'll summarize...

1. Stop blaming others.
2. Stop being too busy.
3. Stop seeking to be entertained.
4. Stop being mediocre.
5. Stop seeking comfort.
6. Stop behaving like a stereotype.
7. Stop expecting others to be better.
8. Stop being stingy.
9. Stop being lazy.
10. Stop blaming yourself.
11. Stop thinking that yours is the only opinion that matters.
12. Stop seeking approval.
13. Stop rejecting other options.
14. Stop avoiding suffering.
15. Stop freaking out over adversity.
16. Stop meeting anger with anger.
17. Stop making insincere promises.
18. Stop replacing friendships with things.
19. Stop being afraid.

... and add one more ....

20. Stop saying that life is unfair. We all know it, and most of us at least try to improve our lot by improving ourselves. Standing on the sidelines and expressing anger at the winners for the awards they've earned when you haven't even entered the race makes you look pathetic, and no one will respect you for that.

I was expecting to write a reply saying sure, stop doing those things and stop having fun and lead a boring existence vs exciting life.. But that's actually a pretty good list.

Stop blaming your parents? Up until you're 24 years of age the state requires you to show financial need for Pell Grants based on your parents' tax return. No return? No grant. Yeah, I'm speaking from experience. Had to quit college because of that.

One of my parents said to me at Christmastime, after finding a love letter I thought I'd mailed, "If I found you you're gay I'll slit your throat from ear to ear." I was 25 or 26 at the time. Talk about scarred for life!

I wish people treated me the way I want to be treated. I suspect a ton of other people on this site will also find this to be a huge falsehood. Social behavior is definitely a matter of cause and effect, but it's not direct cause and effect as in physics. The causes get filtered through the personality and life experience of the other person, and the effects follow from that. Depending on the people involved, there may not be a strong connection between what the first person wanted and the effect produced in the second person.

The only thing that I would change about the list is #1; in my opinion, it might be more accurately stated as ...

... but I could also be wrong.

I agree, that's more accurate.