Needing to date someone more emotionally unstable

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Is it possible that, if two bipolars, or bipolar and borderline meet, they can cancel out each other's symptoms in some way?

Last edited by Tyri0n on 11 Mar 2013, 10:18 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Oh yeah, I can see this working out.




But seriously, really think that through and ask yourself if that is what you really want.

As someone who went through dating an emotionally unstable girl... NO. Bad idea. VERY bad idea.

You become their rock. Every moment of your life involves trying (and failing) to make them happy. They are petty. They are manipulative. They will use you and leave you. It's not their fault. They just think you'll be the one to make them happy, and since making someone who has a mood or personality disorder happy is virtually impossible on more than a very temporary basis, you can never fill that void.

Now, for a Bipolar/Borderline mix, take that and double it. Especially for the Borderline. It's like two addicts getting involved. Bad mojo.

Ive never been out with an Aspie, only NT girls, and quite a few, let me tell you in my experience, all Women have a mood disorder, why would you want one that had an even bigger mood disorder?

Thats one reason why I never went out with them for long, for instance, you want to make them feel good so maybe you say, "You look really pretty today", instead of a coy smile and a thank you, they reply, "WHAT!, ARE YOU SAYING I NORMALLY LOOK UGLY!", then they start sulking and Iam thinking, Iam out of here, if shes like this whilst shes trying to impress me, whats she going to be like when we are married!

That has not been my experience at all. Usually, I tease them and make fun of them all the time, even criticize them, and all they do is act nice. I've even told a girl her clothes, hair, or shoes sucked, and this caused her to change them and then try to prevent me from breaking up with her when I tried to do so a few weeks later. I think girls have a pathetic masochistic urge. Well, so do I.

I would love to date someone who could be as much of an as*hole as I am. I like to be put down, criticized, and made fun of, at least in moderation, but it rarely happens (except probably behind my back...lol).

Last edited by Tyri0n on 11 Mar 2013, 7:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm trying to process your logic here: You;d feel better about teasing someone with low self-esteem and a genuine condition than a normal girl?

As for the rest, it's not that simple. The absolute best course of action if you think you have Borderline is to stay away from relationships that will be guaranteed to trigger you. See a therapist, get DBT, get yourself sorted before trying at a relationship. Because if you try for a relationship when you have unchecked BPD is both dangerous for you, and dangerous for your partners, especially if he/she has a disorder.

As for wanting them to be jerks... people with disorders are not jerks. They don't want to be jerks. The don't want you to be jerks to them. They want someone who loves them, and cherishes them, and who, for once in their life, is kind to them. They misbehave, but it's precisely because they fear losing someone, or fear losing themselves, or fear that what their mind is saying is true. They are vulnerable. Being a jerk is the last thing that should be on your mind. You must be nurturing.

If you want to be abused, there's probably at least three clubs in driving distance that'll fill that order.

Well, my brother, who is similar to me, except with bipolar, tried to go to a therapist and ended up being put on medication that made him 10X worse, and then he got institutionalized for a time. So yeah, I have mixed feelings about this. I probably will, cautiously, bring it up at some point.

I wonder if finding someone with a worse problem would drive me into "empathy mode" instead of "self pity" mode, which would end up bettering my condition. It's a working theory. I wonder if anyone's gotten it to work.

Also, FYI, I can be incredibly nurturing and empathetic. To an extreme beyond even what most NT's have. But I have the other urges too. It's difficult to explain how they can go together. I'd like to find someone who can appreciate and take part in both. I think if I was the recipient of enough criticism, etc, I would not feel the same urge to engage in it. I think I may do it subconsciously as a "signal" that I want them to do it to me, not because I take pleasure in it for its own sake. But it's hard to find someone to reciprocate because, I guess, a guy is "supposed" to be an as*hole; this attracts women for some reason. I'd like to be able to play the nice, stable one though.

I think if I could experience a worse version of certain bad qualities of mine than what I have, I wouldn't feel the need to express these qualities any more. I have some limited real-life experience to show that it actually could work this way. I'm very good at operating vicariously through someone else in other areas (example: feeling like the wrong gender, I spend time with a girl who is extremely feminine, which makes me feel very masculine by comparison, which drives away the nasty thoughts).

It's an intriguing idea. I'm sure there's someone who has experienced something like this here.

Last edited by Tyri0n on 11 Mar 2013, 7:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Therapists can't prescribe medication, and if you're asking for information about BPD, they don't have medication for that. Basically, if you ever go to a therapist, flat out say that you won't take medication. They can't force anything on you unless you are homicidal or suicidal.

Nothing will stop you from doing what you want to do. I do know that you will probably start empathetic, loving, and sincere. I also know that it will change. That's the very definition of Borderline. If you can make it work, then cheers, but that's what my experience and research on the subject indicate. I love my ex-girlfriend to death, but that experience was horrible not just for me, but for her as well.

And I never doubted that you could be empathetic. I have known many Borderlines (I was suspected of having it, and met quite a few both in the hospital and group), and they have always struck me as some of the most sincere, most empathetic, most wonderful people out there. But the bad comes with the good. It's the essence of the two extremes.

Nambo, thanks for the laugh! I was already in bed and had to get out to avoid waking up my husband because I laughed so loud...

So, anyway, it is an interesting question. I once dated a great, amazing, super amazing guy...but I remember thinking that "I needed someone who ALSO had these ups and downs" otherwise, it wouldn't be the same. Let me tell you, I was wrong lol

Oh yeah, There is a mood disorder in every woman alright. I call it the time of the month btw. There is always those good couple days where everything just goes out of whack for them and their mood is all over the place. Yes, definitely a mood disorder.