Social Cues - What kind of interest does this indicate?

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Sooo...I had a very interesting day in class today. I have previously posted regarding my inability to pick up on social cues, specifically flirting, but I just think I MIGHT have picked up on some from a girl in one of my college classes. But given my inexperience, I really appreciate the perspectives of NT's and socially experienced Aspies just so I don't delude myself. I think it is clear that there is enough interest shown to establish a friendship with her, but I wonder if the signals indicate something more.

Here is the data I have from five days of class:

- Second class, she sat nearby me. Not long after it started, my professor asked "people who did not have friends in the class" to stay seated and asked "people who do have friends in the class" to stand up. Then, he asked the people standing up to pair themselves with the people sitting down. She gravitated toward me very quickly, indicating to me that she really wanted to talk with me. We talked for a while (as per professor's instructions), but we really seemed to talk well together.

- Third class, she didn't sit near me, but she kept attentively looking in my general direction. I did not look her in the eye in case she was just staring at the clock (which was nearby), and so as not to be completely obvious.

- Fifth class, today, before class started, I sat down in my usual seat. She had already sat down elsewhere. As she left the room, she stopped and noticed that I had gotten a haircut, and complimented it, and then asked why I was sitting in the seat I'm in. I told her I just sat there since that's where I always sat before (my desire for consistency, you know). Then, she told me where she was sitting. I asked if she wants me to sit next to her, and she said yes, so I moved over to seat next to her.

- Still fifth class today. Once class started, I noticed she kept playing with her hair for most of the class. I glanced over at some of the other girls in the class and did not see anyone else playing with their hair. She would also quietly comment to me a couple times (once after I made a comment in class, after which she said she agreed with me; once after I kept trying to get called on), and she seemed to be smiling both times, though that seems normal regardless of interest.

I know she comes from a different cultural background from me so I don't know if that accounts for the behavior, but I suspect she might be trying to indicate interest of some kind in me. Whether it's romantic or platonic in nature is what I'm having trouble with, though.

Any thoughts?

Ok dont take this the wrong way but my mind went:

"For FK's sake ask her out!! !"

if you dont she will* think you are either gay a wimp or not interested - none of which is probably true.

You KNOW you should. I can tell.

You don't have enough information to know that. She has been very friendly. If you are interested whether there are romantic possibilities, it's your turn to take a chance.

How would you recommend proceeding?

Invite her to spend some time with you outside class; but don't say; "Would you like to spend time with me outside class?"

Invite her do something specific, such as;

Would you be interested in getting together to study for the exam?
Would you like to get coffee (lunch, dinner, soda) together after class today?
Would you like to come with me to see (name a specific movie).

Invite her to some casual mutual activity.

I have honestly never seen a girl so excited to interact with me before. Again, it might be culture (she is hispanic), but I don't know. Has anyone encountered this before?

Just to clarify, yes, I intend to ask if she wants to grab some food at one of the dining places on campus after class. I'll probably learn more if she says yes and we talk more, but goddamn my curiosity is running wild.

She's interested... ask her to do something with you.

I don't see anything flirty about any of this. She's being friendly...don't read too much into it.

If this isn't flirty, what is flirty?

I'm not even positive if I want a romantic relationship with her (hence my desire to talk with her more to find out), but simply for my quest to differentiate friendliness and flirtation, it really helps to know. I mean, do they have to be humping my leg for it to cross from friendliness into flirtation, or are there just a couple key ingredients that seem to be missing here?

Last edited by Philosoraptor on 05 Feb 2013, 9:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

He has a point. But regardless of flirtation, I would make friends with this person and start connecting this way if anything. You can't go wrong with asking her to do something anyway.

Of course. She seems quiet and introspective, and also quite kind. Can never have too many friends like that.

She probably is flirting with you, but that in itself means practically nothing.

Some people flirt all the time. Literally. Example: One of my female co-workers is extremely attractive, divorced and open to dating. She is also very selective as to who she would be willing to go with on a date. (She can afford very high standards, as she attracts almost every man she encounters.) She flirts with the majority of them.

Once she has a man's attention, she flirts. She flirts equally with men who meet her standards and the men she would never consider dating. She enjoys the heightened attention that flirting garners from any and all men. But there are few she'd even be willing to go out for coffee with.

Most women don't flirt indiscriminately the way my co-worker does. But enough women do it that flirting, alone, cannot be taken as any indication of actual attraction, until the man has taken the risk to ask her out.

I only flirt with men who catch my attention in some special way. While I may not be willing to go out with every man I flirt with; they are attractive enough to me that I'd, at least, consider it.

This is my point; is your lady friend in class like me or is she like my co-worker? What does it mean when she flirts? There is no way to know unless you advance the relationship past what she is already offering (friendship in class).

I think most NT men understand that ascertaining whether a particular woman is attracted to him is a process. It takes time and the willingness to make advances in order to gauge the woman's responses. Reading social cues is an as-you-go-along process. If a man does nothing to advance a relationship, there is little to read.

I have not noticed her flirting with anyone else in class, although I know nothing of her flirting in other classes.

Personality wise, she seems rather reserved, and I almost get a sense of nervousness from her (though, given my Aspergers, it might not be wise to trust that sense), which makes me skeptical that she flirts with everyone. I don't have enough information to rule it out completely, though, unless someone more experienced can make an accurate judgment from this information alone (not holding my breath).

At this point, my main concern is information. I'll ask her after next class if she wants to grab a bite to eat. Depending on how she takes the offer, I'll know more. Though given this seems like the first time I have ever been flirted with, at least as far as I am aware, I suspect I have a 50-50 shot at romantic vs. platonic. Either way, I'm happy to gain a new friend. I'm rather lacking in them.

I think she fancies you esp. when she asked you why you sat where you sat which mewant she wants to be close to you. Yup, youshould ask to hang out and eat to know her better.

Flirting and attraction are not static ciphers which can be decoded. It's a dynamic relationship or it's nothing. One cannot capture some snap shots of past interactions and work forensically to prove/disprove attraction. Attraction and flirting are-in-the-moment communications. Start feeling and interacting simultaneous to when you are actually with the woman.

If you can digest this, you will be far along the path to understanding how to interact within attraction.

I know that you want some prop or assurance that this woman will respond positively to you. There is indication that she may. Nothing more; nothing less. No crystal ball; no assurances.

I cannot speak for the OP, but many of us are unable to do this. That is why we often resort to ex post facto analyses such as you see here.