Fitness and relationships.

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Based on a few topics from Wolfheart and from some things I've seen from people I know, I'm wondering about this topic. Physical fitness and relationships. It does seem to be something that impacts relationships.

Even in my own life, I have an example going on, my sister and her boyfriend for instance seem to be at odds about it. They're both overweight, her boyfriend more so. My sister is much more concerned with trying to drop her extra weight. She's not really being too extremely out of the ordinary in what she does, all she's doing is calorie counting and like an hour a day on her elliptical she bought, then maybe another 2-3 times for an hour or so in the gym a week doing some kind of cardio. Her boyfriend wants none of this. Her boyfriend just wants to sit on the couch and watch Netflix. Her boyfriend also takes her out to eat a LOT. I think my sister gained like 15-20lbs since meeting him (about a year?,) and he gained more. They'd go out to eat fast food literally everyday. Order pizza for like $20 3-4x a week. Now my sister gets into minor arguments with her boyfriend about NOT wanting to eat out/eat junk food. I'm wondering almost if my sister's boyfriend was using the going out to eat thing as like, almost a control tactic. On a lifting forum, I read someone say that many women do the control tactic against their boyfriends, try to get them to stay home, eat junk food, etc. In my sister's case, I don't really know her boyfriends motives. Maybe he doesn't have any ulterior motives like that and just doesn't wanna eat well or exercise and that's it. But I wonder.

Second, is the hobby or special interest aspect of it. In my case, I skate an hour a day 4x a week. Then I spend at least an hour 3-4x a week in the gym. However, what I'd actually LIKE to do assuming I'm not limited schedulewise/other stress (like I wasn't this week) I was in the gym for about 2ish hours everyday after skating. So that'd be working out 3 hours a day most days of the week. Now that the weather is better, I try to get walks on the nature trails around here in like 3x a week, usually an hour or two. I plan to be competitive in the sports I'm training for, if it ever gets to that point.

As far as my eating goes, I don't count calories and sorta just eat whatever, with the caveat that I try to cook most of what I eat from scratch. I spend maybe an hour or more a day cooking. Sometimes I cheat, probably about 2x a week. If I'm at someone's house, I'll eat whatever with very few exceptions (can't have Aspertame.) I also tend to have pretty ginormous portions whenever I'm eating, compared to normal folks. It doesn't really make me fat, but the "cheat" times probably are keeping me from looking like an Abercrombie model. But for the most part I look like "normal" skinny/muscular. So it's a big hobby/special interest I devote a LOT of time to. Would this make people jealous of the time I devote to it, that I should be devoting it to them somehow?

As far as my personal requirements, well, I've never had a relationship nor anything close to it. But for my requirements out of a partner is basically just be health conscious. No blackout drunk/doing drugs all the time. No eating junk food all the time. Cooking most of what she eats herself. As far as working out goes, I'd like her to do something. Obviously I don't expect her to take up all the same pursuits I do, but maybe walking or going for a bike ride or something on most days? Something like that.

But since the topic has been brought up, I'd like to expand upon it a bit. What is an OK level of fitness commitment for your partner? If you don't really workout, would you be jealous of the time devoted to the interest? I think what I described is fairly moderate. What's too much? What's other people's standards that they'd want their partners to either have in common or accommodate for their fitness lifestyles?

Not a huge requirement. If the girl looks good without doing anything, more power to her. I have to do stuff to keep from becoming a fat ass, though, so I'm in the gym like 3 times a week. Wouldn't say I'm "serious" but I also run and stuff too, and it definitely keeps me from looking like the average American.

If the girl is on the lighter side, I wouldn't care if she works out or not. But, if on the heavier side, then yes, she must work out because, otherwise, this is a sign of someone who doesn't take care of herself. Being chubby and fit is fine by me, just like skinny and unfit.

Yes, I have double standards.

I never work out, I just have an amazing metabolism so I'm like a twig.
I don't expect a girl to be in the gym constantly, but I'm not attracted to someone who's obese either.
I've been with skinnier girls and 'chubbier' ones, it made no difference really.

im actually skinny... i weigh a little over 100 lbs and and im 21 years old

Good diet and health is important for people to function well. If the significant other is not all muscely and stuff it wouldn't bother me as long as he eats normally and occasional sweets is good too. I don't put much emphasis into it, but I do know that being overweight is dangerous because of heart health and some exercise/ good diet habits are needed for a person to be healthy.

I'm thinking maybe a bit too much in the longterm I guess. I'm thinking "What'll happen when I get old?" Like some people have high metabolisms and just can eat whatever, do nothing and look great, but eventually that stops when you get old, you know? So I'm thinking in the longterm, it'd be better to have someone health conscious so my partner looks better as she ages, doesn't get sick as much, will live longer, etc. So for me, health conscious might be more of an issue rather than looks, like I'd rather have someone slightly chubbier who's health conscious compared to someone less so that just has a high metabolism and eats frozen burritos all day or something. Like now that I'm in my 20s, I'm seeing girls sorta just like, creep up and get bigger compared to high school, as their metabolism is slowing down. One may age better and we'd share common interest/have common goals, and the other would drop off and look terrible as she got older. Only so much your genetics can do without you working at it.

And as I said, too, like, there's the common interest. Would potential girls think my time spent is too much? I figure if I find someone who does something similar, she'd be more understanding and not think of all the things as a burden.

The phrase, "Do you even lift bro?" has been spreading around lately as a meme

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2Diy0RNe_c[/youtube]

Because i am that skinny, i could be asked that

Exercise isn't as strong a focus for me as eating well. My dad's diabetic, and I find that too much sugar and carbs in my diet makes me think less clearly. I plan to try taking a dance or martial arts class once I have some income to pay for it again (on the job hunt), though. I'm definitely a little heavy (height to weight, technically obese), but I look better than a lot of people in similar positions because... well... unfortunately, to be blunt, most of the weight tends to go to my chest.

Last edited by yamato_rena on 22 Mar 2013, 3:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I do free weight exercises, and swim, and am generally very careful about what I eat, but I'm not super active.. I'm just lucky and rarely get hungry. and if I could drop the last % of body fat I have I'd be completely otter moded out. I noticed when I went to the antiquities museum over the summer that I've basically succeeded in matching the muscle tone of the greek marbles.

So needless to say I wouldn't be a very good fit with a woman who weighs considerably more than I do, or who didn't take any care in her appearance.

And for todays history lesson we will take a quick look into the origins of a lot of these internet slang. Do you even lift, u mad and u Kirin where all created by the same person. Zyzz. A prominent exmember of bodybuildingforums. Here's a pic

And no, that wasn't just hard work, a lot of steroids were done to make that change. Sadly he paged the price by dieing at the age of 23 from heart problems likely induced by his steroid and workout regimen.

Way off topic, but the left picture was probably taken in early '07 as I was 10 years old and in mad anticipation of Pokemon Diamond and Pearl.
Good, simple times.

I'm slightly overweight (have a gut that's difficult to get rid of) but I go to the gym and local Aikido Dojo occasionally. I don't mind a little extra weight on a woman at all really. I'd rather that than someone very skinny.

This is little concern to me. I'm a little overweight & not strong. I am trying a little to get in better shape by walking & using some light weights but I just do it when I think about it & feel like it. My girlfriend's overweight & wants to lose weight but she's not really trying either except to eat a little healthy & go walking sometimes. Her being overweight doesn't bother me & it wouldn't unless it was a health issue. What would bother me would be her being bothered. We go most everywhere together & I'll gladly walk more with her if she went walking more but I'm not really bothered if we walk less either. She'll be leaving Saturday to spend a few days with her parents because it's her mom's birthday & I plan to do abit of walking while she's gone if the weather is nice partly to give me something to do(I walked abit a couple weeks ago when she was spending a few days with her brother. There would be problems if she was a fitness buff who pushed me to do lots of exercises with her(like aerobics) or if she pushed me to make sudden drastic diet-changes(I'm a very picky eater & eat unhealthy but I'm slowly trying to get alittle better.

It comes down to personal preference. Some people like to lounge around and not do much and would like that in a partner, other people are more active and would like someone to be active with. Some active people might not mind a couch potato as long as they can still go out and exercise with their friends, and some inactive people appreciate an active partner.

I'm a moderately active person myself (I walk to and from work, and often go walking at lunchtime as well), so I wouldn't mind someone who was into their exercise (like my current crush is...hee hee, I spoke to him a few days ago and he was quite flattering about me...he's so awesome). Of course, I'd also like someone who understands that sometimes I just want to crash on the couch and scoff junk while watching him/her play video games.

Of course physical fitness impacts relationships.. attractiveness, feeling more "in the mood" more often, having a clearer better working brain, being less stressed and calmer/happier etc. There are so many things exercise and physical fitness affects that it's impossible not to have it affect a relationship. Yes, there are happy obese people, but there are also a lot of people who are in as bad a mental rut as they've let their bodies get.

As for partner expectations, I think people would be happy being well matched and balanced, so being with someone with a similar level of activity - even if it's completely different activities. A total gym rat is not likely going to be happy living with a couch potato. I don't really think it's fair to expect more of someone else than yourself, though, unless that's the pre-arranged and transparent agreement that you're a fat slob and they're to keep in tip top shape and you both like it that way. Otherwise I'd think it'd be reasonable to expect someone to put a similar amount of effort into keeping in shape that you do, if it's a criteria to you or them at all.

The fitter I get the less I can imagine being content with someone who refuses to look after their health, but it's not as if the types I'm attracted to have changed any. I haven't gotten in better shape and all of the sudden found myself attracted to people in much better shape than those I was previously attracted to, but the more active I've become I can't imagine wanting to ever be with someone who wasn't at least somewhat active and able to join me on some adventure or another, or a challenge, or a new sport, or w/e. Luckily for me, if and when I decide to bother with a significant other, we have the country's most active population so it won't be all that difficult to find a large selection of people w/ similar levels of activity in their lives.

i don't care about anyone else's fitness, so... if my partner is fit or not, whatever. and about body weight, big or small, whatever. my own fitness varies widely depending on what my current interests are, but i like my body the way it is. easy come, easy go

edit: a cheeky picture to illustrate. bucephalus and hyperlexian eating cheez balls



(if my partner spent hours a day doing fitness activities away from me, i'd probably be lonely)