Time to write the feelings out. This one girl in my life does confuse me a lot. I don't know why I waste time, but there is the chance I overanalyze alot. I am sure I write this down, I will come back with a clear head and the solution will come much easier tomorrow.
This one girl I met with this group of friends seems to have taken a liking to me. She has a boyfriend, she breaks up with boyfriend and we sleep together. She gets back together with boyfriend, leaving me feeling kind of stupid especially since I gave up another girl I liked because I had stronger feelings for her. I try to leave her and the group behind, she talks sense into me and we continue on as friends. Now stupidly enough, we sleep again while she still has boyfriend. Big mistake, but for some reason I don't feel as guilty.
There is also another friend in the group whom she is close to as well, but is adamant that the two have never kissed or been together, despite the fact they travelled to Toronto together a couple of weeks ago. The guy is pretty much "her new best friend" as she calls him. The way they interact with eachother suggests that the two are definitely emotionally connected beyond what she feels for me.
As we cleared the air on Thursday, this much was revealed and really added to the confusion. She is only playing with me, but yet she does have feelings for me and fed me BS about how if this was two years ago, we would be in a relationship. She mentioned that she is slowly moving on with her life and may be dumping her boyfriend eventually. I don't care about that right now. She did say she spent a lot of time with me in group meetups recently and is worried about leaving the other guy friend feeling lonely, which to me indicates that she is possibly more concerned about his feelings than mine.
I was up early for a rare saturday shift at work today. I went out with the group again tonight and I saw her and the other guy come close to kissing right in front of me. I was already tired and saying goodbye to the group and heading home. Another person in the group saw this as I did and dragged me away from them. I think it's clear that others in the group see the emotional connection that they might have together as well.
The advantage I have over him is that I am more assertive. However, the advantage he has is that he hides his feelings better. When in the group, she refuses to even kiss me on the cheek. When I am around, he doesn't give her as tight a hug as when I am not around as she tells me. Am I thinking right here? Is she in love with him, or is she too confused about what she really wants? The way she interacts with him in front of me indicates that she cares more for him. When it comes to getting home, she is too torn between who to take a ride home from since me and the other guy drive.
BTW- she also indicated that she doesn't want to play with the feelings of anyone. But it seems she is too confused about what she wants