Am I a Carrot?

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It was argued in the thread, Subtle and Blatant Mysogyny, that men are motivated to be productive by the promise of sexual success. In effect, that women are the carrots that motivate men. I argued that women are as much the carrot as men are the fairy tale prince.
But I have been thinking about this and relating it to my experiences. I have gotten the feeling with several men that I have been with that sex is expected in return for such things as a nice meal or a gift. Sometimes I feel that if I don't respond with sex, that I am somehow not fulfilling my end of the bargain. It's not that anyone has forced themselves on me, just a feeling of being beholden in this way. Is this my own misinterpretation, or is there something to this?

I've never been on a date myself (even though I'm 31), but I've known a lot of people who do something nice for you and basically expect your soul in return. You don't owe them anything! If someone does something nice, that's their decision and you shouldn't have to feel pressured to do something you're uncomfortable with. If you really want to have sex with them that's different, but you shouldn't have to do anything out of obligation or guilt.

I think that after spending the evening treating your date to a nice meal in a fancy restaurant, a movie in a classy theatre and organic ice cream from an artisan store, some would expect the date to put out. No?

I don't have sex out of feelings of obligation; although I did when I was younger. But I do feel a sense of entitlement from men and sometimes and a twinge of guilt myself if I don't fulfill my conceived obligation.

Not sure . . . maybe the time spent together is enough. If we both enjoyed our dinner, etc., is it a necessity to have sex? What if I had paid for the meal; would that change the situation?

Taking a person out on a nice date doesn't turn them into a whore. If you want to pay for sex you can find a prostitute on a street corner.

I wasn't expecting anyone to pay for sex because they paid the evening's expenses.. My point was really asking, "do some people expect sex?" I guess my initial comment came out wrong. Sorry.

Sorry redrobin. I misunderstood you. Also, I have a short temper.

Ann, please get some help. If you think that you are obligated to give sex in exchange for a man's attention plus some food; you are on a very self destructive path. Men treat pet animals better than that. I know you have more worth than that, sight unseen; you're a human being.

The whole "sex as a commodity" idea is one of the defining features of "nice guys". Also, it's wrong. You owe nothing to them, though common courtesy dictates that you at least thank them for the gesture. I'm fairly confident you already do this, so you're doing fine.

This is exactly what I'm getting at. The financial aspect just muddled things up. But that is my question: "is there sometimes an expectation of sex?"

I'm okay . . . I've been down the path and back again. But thanks for your concern. Just curious about different people's take on the issue.

Hello Carrot.

How so?
Do you mean that "nice guys" don't expect sex in return for their behaviour?

Hi Boo

I am Donkey.

How so?