How do I get a guy with asperges to fall for me?

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Hi!
I'm a student in my early 20s. I have a major crush for a guy with asperges. He is about 7-10 years older than me, but seems very immature when it comes to relationships or sex or such things.
I recognize it because a lot of people have it in my family. I have some traits, but are social well-functioning.

I don't know how to make him like me or make contact. I get attention from males, but with him it is different.
He is so cute and funny, but seems shy. I would guess he has never had a girlfriend, he is extremely social awkward and isn't "good looking".
He seems to blush around me, but he also do that with another girl we both know. I think he at least isn't repulsed by me, but he gives no signs that he likes me. I'm shy, how can I flirt with him. He seems like a big child in some regards and I know he would not flirt back or maybe even get my drift.

I would be embarrassed if I asked him out and he said no. We are not friends by the way.

Sorry for my english, It's not my first language

Hi, thank you for thinking of WrongPlanet as a source of information and of course just like members of your own family, thank you for being open to people on the spectrum as interesting and worthwhile human beings.

Now, if the best happens and the two of you really hit it off, please understand that there's a good chance he will still need a lot of alone time. Speaking personally, even when I'm in a relationship with someone I really connect with, I still need a lot of alone. To write all morning and then go to the bookstore by myself and yes, it does need to be by myself. To take long walks in the morning without preconditions and without scheduled events. I think I need this to emotionally process things which have happened and to stay connected with both my world and myself.

And then just take it medium step by medium step. You are probably going to have to take a risk and make it clear that you are asking him to an initial first date. And for me, a date that involves getting a treat like ice cream and then some walking might be an excellent chance to get to know a person. Please don't let the first date drag on too long.

Other people may have other ideas.

PS Your English is actually pretty good!

Thanks for you're reply!
I know a lot about asperges, so that's not a problem for me.
I haven't dated one before, but I'm usually the one needing time on my own, so that sounds great
No relationship is without compromises, and I'm not worrying about that at the moment. Haha!
I find people with aspergers in general more interesting than "normal people".
My only insecurity lies in how to make the first contact, how to show him that I'm romantically interested in him.
It seems like an impossible task without being blunt.

I'm just a little afraid that I have to "do all the work". I think I'm too used to guys making contact,
so I really don't have an idea how to proceed.

And also, it's a bit awkward with the age difference maybe. I don't think about it myself, but maybe he will. I'm so afraid to seem like a creep. I know it don't make sense, but I'm afraid of looking bad or just stupid...

I can't speak for everyone with AS especially guys with AS since I'm female, but generally it comes with social difficulties. The subtle signs people without AS give each other and such don't make much sense to people on the spectrum and need more direct communication...so he may have no idea you like him and he may or may not like you but you would either have to overcome the fear of embarrassment and just ask him out....Or you could just talk to him more and get to know him as a friend and maybe things would go that direction but its likely you're going to have to initiate things.

From my perspective If I knew a guy liked me and I liked him back I would have a very difficult time initiating anything even if I want to...but if they started interacting more with me or just straight asked me out then things would go from there. Also some people with AS have some social anxiety which makes it more difficult.

You write him a note and slip it to him and it says "Can you help me with my English?"

Start off by giving him compliments when you can. Talk about common interests. Then ask him to go do something together.

As sweetleaf said, we aspie men can be very obtuse about social signals.

On the plus side- common interests are a good path to our attention, and to our hearts.

Maybe you can learn from common aquaintences what things he is into- and prep in advance to strike up conversations about those things ( and see if you have common interests).

Been through this one fairly recently. And the two things that made me think that he liked me were that he was always wherever I was and he used to blush when I talked to him on his own. I ended up just staring at him across the room one day and he seemed to get the hint. But it was totally blatant staring, not subtle. Even after that, I still had to bring up the conversation, tell him I liked him & ask him if it was mutual. Luckily it was. But I am AS too and it was total hell to have to say all those things. The only reason I ended up doing that was because we'd spent months having a lovely time, but nothing more and I thought at least if he knocked me back then I could get over him. I've learnt to be patient. Very very very patient.

What great tips!
I will defenetly try to talk more to him. We have a lot of similar interests!
And I will try to compliment him too. Once I told him somethong about him being so intelegent (is is really, really smart, probebly the smarterst person I will ever meet). And he blushed so hard and seemed very exited by it. It was funny. Haha! So I will defenetly try that again.
And staring can work. Hehe, he would problebly see it as a "subtile hint". But he sadly cant hold eye contact very well, at least not with me. He can catch my eyes, but looks away so fast, like he don't want me to notice

And I will try to build up my currage to ask him out or something. An icecream is a great idea (especially since he doesn't drink coffee or alcohol)!

I could also ask him to help me in my studies (he is a master student, I'm in my 1. year), but I don't know how to do it and I don't want him to think I'm stupid, that would be a turn-off I guess.

But thanks again! So many good ideas!

Be like "Yo, you like me?" And then be like "Yo, I like you!" and that's about all.

That doesn't mean anything. I do the same, since it looks to me very aggresive to stare at somebody.

Just take it easy. He's probably gonna be scared to death about the idea of dating a girl.

A little advice the father of a friend gave me years ago: before saying something, cook a bit the other person. For example: if you're gonna invite him to some ice-cream, saying it suddenly can shock him (yeap, not kidding, it's not that easy if you're not used to it. It's the last thing you expect). So it's god to give him some clues first, so he starts to think about it, and to harbor hopes, and then he starts to see you in a more possitive way. It's called 'simmer'

You can do a small brainstorming about how to give him clues before showing your cards, like:
- Asking him about common interests. Asking about specific things, as a interesting place to do something.
- Asking him about what he uses to do after shool.
- Asking him if he likes ice-creams. And leaving it there, so he starts to wonder why you asked...
- Etc

Totally agree. It helps if you build up to it, leave something with him for a while (can be a day, could be several days or a week) and don't take it personally if he shuts up or changes the subject - time to get used to an idea really seems to help.

I sometimes wonder if I (somewhat) consciously tell girls I get to know well that I have AS thinking that if they like me they'll let me know.

For me it would depend on how interested you are in him as a person, this speaking from what is perhaps his perspective as someone who has never had a girlfriend before. He probably doesn't understand how much attention he needs to get from you, it's hard for him to know whether the amount of attention you are giving him is enough for a relationship. This isn't your fault but a problem I sometimes have and he might have, and I would prefer it if a women wanted to engage me romantically first but with enough subtly so that more attention can be put on you as a person. To put it simply grab his attention, and grab his focus. I don't know if this really helps but that would be the perspective of someone who is completely love lost.

It took me 6 months to tell my Aspie I was in love with him. But then again I didn't know he had AS until about 6 months when he told me. He said it seemed I'd taking a liking to him, or something to that effect. I was like geez! I'm practically throwing myself at him. So I decided to send him a long heartfelt email. I poured out my heart and put it all out there. After that email there was no question about my feelings for him. Had I known he had AS in the beginning, I would have sent that email months earlier.

I can only tell you how to let him know you're interested. You can't really make someone fall for you. They have to do that on their own....you have no control over that part.

My aspie and I are on the outs and its hard for him to communicate his needs to me so I have to play detective to find out who to best understand him..

Not saying it cant be done..you're just going to need a lot of patience and realize that he needs to do things on his terms. You are going to have to make the first move.