Why do some people play games?

Post Reply New Topic

UGGGH.

ARRGH.

Why do they?

I met a woman online through OkCupid about 3 months ago. We finally met at a coffee house last Friday, 22 March 2013. Things had been going very well. She has a great personality, great looks, and I loved making her laugh (it was sort of in a bashful, cute way).

I think things were still going well. I asked fairly frequently, though, when we could get together again. I knew she was busy a lot, with her to children, both daughters (one 14 yrs old, one 19 yrs old). This morning she emailed me and said she just doesn't think she has enough time to date -- because of spending time with her two daughters, work, and taking online college courses.

I sent an email in which I'm willing to be patient until she has time to do things together.

I tell a good online female friend this, and she told me that women typically don't respond well to "I'll wait for you". Below is the FB conversation I had with that friend.

Her:
Woman don't usually respond well to "ill wait for you". Tell you, its up to her and that you are fine with it. There are other women out there. not just her.

The right girl will like you for you

Me
I don't quite want to believe what you told me here... that she would not want hear that I will wait for her to have time. I had no idea that would be wrong thing to say.... UGGGH.

Her
I know right. You would think woman would love to hear this. They don't. They like the challenge. Then again, if she is right for you, maybe she would. Maybe.

I pretty much say what I mean, and mean what I say. I think it's an Aspie thing in some ways. I didn't think this woman I met on OkCupid would play games, and if she does play or is playing games, I don't like it.

Possible reasons she won't see you again after one date:

1. She's reconciled with her husband.

2. Her boyfriend is back.

3. Her wife is getting suspicious.

4. You've been "Friend-Zoned".

5. You've been "Creep-Zoned".

6. She's just not into you.

Go find someone else - you deserve better.

So if I picture myself in that situation, I would actually assume that because the person doesn't want to see me anymore that he is uninterested no matter the excuses he makes. He had a profile on OKcupid so therefore he must have wanted to meet someone. Therefore I would simply assume he was uninterested and move on from him to somone he will find me interesting. And about the playing games part, not all girls don that. It's best to avoid the girls that do that anyway! So I agree with the above poster, just keep dating and find someone who won't play around socially.

You are overgeneralizing quite a bit...

She told you that she is not interested in dating right now. I have a theory: She is not interested in dating you right now.

Whether she will be interested in the future, is up to her and you. She may have said in a tactful manner that she is not too keen on the idea of dating you (for one reason or the other) or she may be genuinely too busy to consider dating anyone right now.

I don't think your online friend offered you very useful advice. I'd rather ask this woman kindly, but directly if she is interested or not in the future rather than getting too paranoid over it.

You're right -- I am overgeneralizing quite a bit. I just fed-up after that online friend told what she did about women.

Thank-you for the response. My ex did play games. After we broke up, neither she or I really "broke-up" that quickly. She was the one who did the breaking, so to speak. But she didn't want to let go very much. She would say, "Friends still kiss", and "Friends still go out to eat". Then she was distraught after her son left for college, texting to my email how lonely she was, and saying, "You can't help me" -- Iike she was challenging me to come over and help her in her loneliness. I had a feeling this new woman really is not that way, and maybe she really is not, unlike what my online friend told me. I hope she is being straightforward. I keep hoping she really is not uninterested in me.

I don't think she has had a boyfriend since she broke up with her ex-husband. And I don't think she would ever go back to her ex-husband. 4 or 6 on your list might be correct.

@Frieslander, does your ex-gf have a new BF while still using you? Also, I understand what you mean. If I connected well with someone I would truly hope they were interested in me as well. But let's say her reason(her children) is very real and justifiable according to her. If that is so, then you shouldn't wait since she isn't ready and she might not be ready any time soon. You should be friends in the mean time though. The feeling gets even better when you meet someone who equally wants to meet and see you as you do for her.

This thread was over a long time ago ^

My last girlfriend gave me this speech after we broke up and were starting to get back together. So I walked away.
If someone wants to make time for you, they will, simple as that.

Very good list. Exactly what I was thinking.

And this: (I added the bolding for emphasis)

I think this may have been her way of telling you that she didn't fancy you without hurting your feelings. At least she liked you enough to not want to upset you though.

I wouldn't get to hung up on it though, the problem with online dating is that there's a lot more unsuitable people and than there are suitable. Your probably gonna have to go through quite a few girls before you find one that compliments you.

I think she was at least a bit interested. She was emailing fair amount yesterday, yet.

Same reason men do, I guess.

I've had this "game" played against me by guys. They were genuinely too busy but they never told me honestly that they were too busy.

I think it's inconsiderate and selfish of them to join a dating site completely devoid of foresight, and ignorant of the fact they have no time to date and get to know someone. It just ends up wasting other people's time. People deserve someone who has time for them.

Even if she isn't playing games telling a woman "I'll wait for you" basically amounts to saying "you're better than me" if you don't know her very well yet. She's likely to take your word for it and assume you're not good enough.
Works the same way the other way, too. You'd probably have a lower opinion of a woman if she seemed desperate.

definitely NOT!