I "dumped" my aspie but I want him back!

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So, another day another post!

Apparently i dumped my aspie friend ( male 27 y) who I have deep romantic feelings for. I set an ultimatum for him to respond to and somehow misunderstood him and told him that I did not want to have contact with him anymore.

Any way I can turn this around?
One Member said that, if anyone dumped him he would consider them ' dead' or practically non-existent...is that true?




Here is the full background story if you don't mind reading : http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp5349341.html#5349341

Why would you make a second thread for this? The 1st is still active.

I thought it would get confusing since this is another question really?

Should I delete it and continue in the other one?

This seems too much like the social games "Boomerang" or "Stay Away (Closer)", wherein Person A tests Person B's love by laying down a "My Way or the Highway" ultimatum.

Person B then determines that he or she can not meet the terms of the ultimatum, and leaves.

Meanwhile, Person A is left wondering why the "Highway" is more attractive to Person B than "My Way".

Did you ever stop to think that the relationship was not all about what you want?

How did he leave when I left?

and no I DID not think the relationship is about WHAT I WANT but it also should not be entirely about WHAT HE WANTS.
My 'ultimatum' consisted of a compromise that was supposed to suit us BOTH. He then asked me if we had surpassed the status of " friendship" and I got mad that he would even ask me such a thing at this point and cut him off. I admit my reaction might have been exaggerated and too much but I DO NOT think that I was on a selfish-route about it. In fact, despite what all my friends suggested I wanted to accept that this man will never be able to give me as much ' communicative attention' as an NT man would and I would accept it all as long as there was a routine we could follow. That is all and I do not see how this is selfish when I am the one trying to UNDERSTAND him and find ways to make this work. Sorry but aspergers does not entitle him to have his way ALL OF THE TIME either!

Are you a borderline? lol. You sure sound like one. I bet he's super confused by your behavior.

So which was it: an ultimatum or a compromise?

If there was an "... or else" clause attached to it, then it was an ultimatum - plain and simple. Otherwise, a compromise is reached by negotiation, which involves a two-way dialog, and not a one-sided "discussion" (i.e., "We need to talk...").

It was an ultimatum to have a two-day dialogue about our situation OR I would leave. I had written him a previous letter ( which was not direct enough I must admit ) that he read but would not mention anymore at all. So this time, I said " this and this and this is what happened this is how i feel but if we want this to work we need to talk it out. If we dont talk it out I must go "

My only fault in this ( which I admit) is that I got mad at his question and did not let him continue and tell me what he wanted to say that is all...and all my friends ( when they read the way he worded his question about our status) told me how much of a moron I have been for taking that as an insult as they are all convinced that he just wanted reassurance.

well, that would make two of us. I am super confused by his behaviour too

for 4 months I have been the ' coolest' and easiest person he has ever met ( he has said so himself). I endured all his disappearances and all his antics and NEVER complained ( I know there is people who keep up with this for years but mind you I did not know nor assume he had aspergers and I still never complained). However, we came to a point where I expected to take ' the next' step with him and it seems like he did not do it. He did not behave like a platonic friends when we spoke, he spoke like a boyfriend YET we would communicate less than platonic friends at times and this confused me and brought me to this ! !

Sorry if I sound crazy

I can't speak for other aspies, but if you dropped an ultimatum in my lap, I'd disappear. I don't need the stress. Your way or the highway? The highway's fine with me.

so would you have simply disappeared and now shown up at all? or would you have actually came on to that person to talk about it? because he came and he came on time ?

Ultimatums are stupid and foolish no matter the predisposition of either partner to aspergers.

Silly you...

Okay, Okay i get it ! I have made a mistake ! now, do you all want to punish me for it?

I'd rather have some tips ( if there are any) on how to fix this? is it even 'fixable' ??

BTW My MBTI type is ENTJ so that explains my impulsiveness and the need to set rules

Yes, I would have simply disappeared. Talk it over? What's there to talk about? I'm speaking for myself here, but when I make decisions, they're in stone. It wasn't just to hear the sound of my voice. Aspies are incredibly strong willed and, at times, inflexible. It's the hard-wiring in the brain that's responsible for that. Whenever I see an NT attempt a relationship with an aspie I see doom up ahead. It doesn't always turn out that way, but a lot of the time, it's the NT person pulling out their hair by the roots trying in vain to make the relationship work.

When I said that I would consider you, "dead" if you had dumped me in such a clear fashion, I meant only in terms of dating options (I actually said that originally, but maybe you didn't see it). I might still like you as a friend. I meant, "dead" as in you would be in a mental category of undateable objects, like dead people. You would not be dead in any other way.

To be fair to her, it does sound like he wasn't being very cooperative. It sounded to me like the ultimatum was just saying that he has to find time to fit her in his life, or they could not have a relationship. I would not necessarily respond in a negative way to that.