Women are not attracted to me because I'm not 'masculine'?

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I have a HUGE problem that has been plaguing me since my teens now (i'm 34).

I used to look very young for my age and I knew it was why women were rejecting me. I mean at 21 I looked 15, at 26 I was still being mistaken for a juvenile etc.

I have had loads of trouble attracting women in the past and I didn't know why at the time. I have no trouble approaching a girl or asking a girl out. I also have no trouble making the first move and showing a girl that I have a sexual side too (obviously not in a creepy way, but not holding back things because I'm too afraid of what she will think etc).

I finally sat down with three separate online female friends that I have known for about 3 years at least. I asked them for a direct, blunt, honest opinion on what they think I come across as to women, and highlighted my recent frustrations. I told them not to hold back at offending me at all.

They all had the same answer, and it sorta shocked me but confirmed what I feared: They all said the reason why it is difficult for me to attract women is because I do not look masculine enough. I asked them to clarify and they said "well, you dress extremely well, carry yourself well, and do come across as very confident and intelligent. However, you look very young for your age and have a babyface - but not a babyface with masculine features that girls like., but a boyish, weak face". They then told me there was not much I could do (I can't grow a beard, moustache or even goatee and I already dress maturely). They also said I was short as well for a white man - 5ft9.

I told them that I started lifting and I looked visibly very athletic (I am at 170 pounds at around 18% bodyfat - I used to be 128lbs in my early 20's), They also commented on how what turns them on about the guys they all dated was the fact that they had scruffy five o clock shadows / hairy arms, chests, big shoulders, big hands and 6ft+ in height, and pointed to the fact of how I have no hair on my arms, have small hands and how that was actually a huge turnoff for them. It just seems I lack masculinization and complete development of secondary sexual characteristics, and I'm too boyish

What do I do? I feel like I am completely screwed. They mentioned maybe lowering my physical standards and date a girl that I am not that attracted to physically - to me that means giving overweight/obese girls a chance. Really? So I'm a fit guy and Iobese girls are 'in my league' because I am not masculine looking enough?. Nothing against overweight women but I think it is fair to date someone of the opposite gender that is closer to your equal in terms of physical fitness too?


I mean, is this real life? I thought with enough work you can improve your apperance but apparently not?

why bother yourself with such neanderthal women?

You're from England right? That means you have an Accent, midlands your profile says, so maybe you even talk a bit like Sean Bean, yeah?

Come to America, go to any major town, hit the bars, Happens every time any of my relatives come over here, where a nice suit, take advantage of the fact the pound is still kicking the dollars ass and flash a bit of cash.. and you'll have them flocking to you. Go to a college town and hit the grad student bars and find a girl who's studying Jane Austen or some other British writer and you'll probably be able to get her to marry you just so she can go and live in England. That is of course if you live some place nice.. if you live in manchester or bolton or something then you may be stuffed a bit.

5'9'' is perfectly average height for England btw. Average male height in the UK: England is 5'9'' - 5'10". Only once you get into Scandinavia does the average height go up significantly.

5'10" is the average height of White males in the USA, so you're not off by much, buy yourself a pair of boots with a bit of lift to them and you'll be a-ok...

As for your face.. well I kinda have the same problem. People always think I'm way younger than I am, but honestly that's not something I want to mess with. I did realize though that when I didn't shave for a week and a half, I had LOADS more female attention at school than I do when I am clean shaven. It's amazing to me because these are the same women that will likely turn around and moan that my stubble/beard scratches them. Can't have it both ways. Mine's still a bit patchy in a few places though so I don't like letting it grow out too much, I don't know the validity of it.. but most guys I've talked to just say the more you shave the more beard you wind up with.. something about it agitates or activates the follicles.. I really don't know. I hate beards, but I had the stunning revelation one day that apparently I look a bit like Thor from the Avengers.. so I've kind of started to play around with emulating Chris Hemsworth.

Only way to age yourself is to spend a lot of time in the sun and elements.. and I really don't recommend that as it's a great way to wind up with melanomas.

I'm curious though, that your online friends said you were "Short of a white man".. what ethnicity/Culture are these friends? Because that could be radically skewing the information they are giving you.

Utter nonsense!

I don't even know where to begin. Just forget everything they said.

im 21 and about 5' 1"

I'm 4'11"

Keep calm and date a short woman

You can name your kids Merry and Pippin.

You're 34 and can't grow a beard?
You might literally be lacking masculinity
(like.. biologically)

I prefer no beard.

More evidence towards being hobbitsses...

That's all well and good, but at 34 you should be able to grow one whether you choose to or not??

I'm 39 (edit: forgot the b-day!) and can't adequately grow facial hair either... the dark follicles are too far apart so I just look scruffy and unkempt.

(random image off google)

Does that make me unmasculine or simply a little less testosterone?

Last edited by BlueMax on 25 Mar 2013, 2:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

me too.

Says you're 39 on the side bar there, lol..
I dunno? I didn't realize this was a thing, sorry... I've been growing a full beard for about two years now (when I feel like it / too lazy to shave).

It's just not necessarily a sign of masculinity