What did I do wrong?

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So I met this girl back in 2016 when I was in college. We met in the school's dining hall when an acquaintance introduced me to her. We exchanged numbers and started a friendship. We did a lot together -- coffee, hikes, just hanging out and talking. We got personal with each other and she told me about some struggles she was having -- feeling depressed, feeling out of place. I started to fall in love with her and wanted to date her, but she told me she wasn't sure if she wanted to date or who she even liked. We remained friends. 9 months later, I graduated, but we promised to keep in touch, and we did through social media and texting, quite frequently. She even came to my hometown to see me, we had coffee and she pulled me into a big hug, wouldn't let go of me. Then she got a girlfriend a few months later. I told her I was happy for her and continued to keep in touch. Then suddenly, during Thanksgiving, I noticed she wasn't on my friends list. I texted her, no response. So I waited. Then I got a message from her girlfriend telling me not to talk to her anymore and to stay away, that she didn't want us to have contact or be around each other. I was heartbroken. So I waited, and tried to get in touch another time, thinking they just got into a fight or something and that it wasn't my fault. Then, when I visited my college town, I ran into her. She looked scared to see me. I invited her to go out to eat with some friends and she said she would text me. She never did. Then I saw her again just before I went home. We had coffee and I told her "Hey, if I was being too annoying with you, I'm sorry." She forgave me and added me back on social media. A few months went by and I got blocked again by her. Then I went up again on the fall because I was planning to move back to my college town. I was hoping to run into her, and I did, but she just walked right past me. One night I tried going over to her place on the advice of a friend, and she wasn't there. She called me later on, very angry and upset, telling me if she sees me again, she will call the police. I ended up moving back to my hometown shortly after that, and I tried to reach out to her just a few months ago, and she and her girlfriend (who I also contacted because I wanted to know why she seemed to have a hatred of me) threatened to file a restraining order against me. I reached out to a mutual friend and he told me that she has had boyfriends in the past who have been emotionally and physically abusive to her, and that her girlfriend does not like men and only wants her around other women. She told him this when she was talked to him about me, and said that I was "obsessed" with her.

I feel like dirt over this. I still love her, and still care about her, but don't think the relationship she is in is right or healthy. My mutual friend agrees with me, and doesnt like what is going on either. I don't think she is doing this on purpose, more like a defense mechanism toward me because guys have hurt her and I happen to be a guy. She thinks no one cares about her except her girlfriend and it isn't true, I, her parents (who she has had fights and disagreements over this ordeal), her friends and our mutual friends care about her. I think she needs to seek therapy, but when she completely shuts me out, I can't even help her with that let alone talk to her. I don't want to let her go, but I might have to.

Advice? Sorry if there's not enough context, trying to keep this as short as possible so it's readable.

It sounds like her girlfriend might be abusive towards her .... You coming around gives her girlfriend fodder to attack her with....

You didn't do anything wrong.

First, she sounds confused about her sexuality and maybe the presence of an interested man in her life is part of the confusion.
Second, regardless of your prior interactions with her and her deep reveal, once she tells you she does not want anything to do with you, leave it at that. When someone says "I will call the police" do not continue to try and make contact with them. Do not visit her. Do not contact. her on social media
Thirdly, her issues are not yours and don't make them yours. You've expressed your concern/interest. You've done all you can or should do. She's a big girl and she needs to work through her issues on her own.
Fourthly, find a woman who is not (probably) a lesbian and can return your affections. I knew some women in college who went through the "boyfriend" phases before finally embracing their homosexuality. Assume she is gay, and let her go.

I think there are two factors here that are feeding off of each other.

1. It is pretty clear to me that her girlfriend is the jealous type. Jealous types don't want their significant others to engage with people who they view as having too close of a relationship with their significant other. In some ways, this is valid. A relationship between two people should entail an exclusive level of closeness with that person.

2. It's pretty clear that you aren't doing a good job of respecting her decisions. She has asked you to not contact her or back off on several occasions, and every time you have gone out of your way to disregard this request. It is especially wrong of you to have visited them in person. It could be for the most unfair, unhealthy reasons in the world, but you still need to respect what someone else asks of you in terms of respecting their right to be left alone.

It sounds like you guys had a pretty emotionally deep relationship to begin with, this made your friend's SO feel threatened, then your friend ghosted you (probably at her SO's request), which in turn caused you to go out of your way to find out what was going on, and over time your refusal to leave them alone has solidified your friend's SO's opinion that there is something wrong with the level of emotional attachment you have to your friend.

It is hard, but in these cases all you can really do is send the person a text or something saying something like, "I'm not happy how this turned out, but I get that you want me to leave you alone. You won't hear from me again, but I am here if you ever decide you want to talk to me again."

Then you have to let it go. Stop texting her, adding her as a friend, visiting her areas, and in general stop seeking her out. It is also best to not talk about her with other people so much. Once in a while if she happens to come up organically, you can ask a mutual friend how she's doing or if they know why you were boxed out, but don't spend more than 20 minutes on the topic, and don't ask someone more than once or twice.

I realize that we both did some wrong things. I just hope that one day we can at least forgive each other. I will admit, I am not good at relationships, having never been in one, and I am 27 years old. I just wonder why people just can't be honest with me and tell me when there's a problem. It sounds like she was being very passive aggressive, and probably didn't want to hurt my feelings, but I would rather get my feelings hurt than to be just cut off like this. I know a lot of people my age do it, and it's very sad. It's happened a couple of times, and I don't even know if I want to bother with dating. But I may be moving to Washington soon, and hopefully I'll find someone up there.

Also, the past couple of years has been hard for me. I have struggled to find work, my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer and my grandmother broke her leg, so I became their caretaker. I'm not in touch as frequently with college friends anymore and I don't really have time to make friends where I'm at. This all feels really draining. But like I mentioned, I may be moving to Washington soon (Seattle-Tacoma area), so I am hoping to get a fresh start up there with new friends, possibly new relationships, and everything else. I even told her about this a few times, and she said she supported me and hopes that things get better for me (when we were in contact).

I don't know why I started to act the way I did, I guess I became too obsessed and attached. She changed me in a way though, I'm not as afraid of women as I was before her. I just hope I dont make this same mistake again.

Also, her girlfriend, girlfriend's sister, and girlfriend's friends were sending me nasty messages on social media and making fun of me, calling me a creep, "fat, disgusting pig like all men", and the like. I just don't understand how some women can have a hatred of men so strongly. Just because one man is bad to you, doesn't mean they all will be. Same goes for women.

I can't see her or my college friends anyway. I'm in Southern California and they're hundreds of miles away in Northern California. I may be even further away soon. It doesn't mean I miss them, her included. I wish we all were closer, but that's life I guess.

I remember too she used to talk about feeling empty and she would put herself down a few times. I asked her if she had depression and she said she thinks so, but she has never been diagnosed. I even thought she had high functioning autism like I did, we would act goofy together and make each other laugh, she would pull funny faces and make funny noises, she would get really nervous around other people though and just stare at them. She even told me that some people in high school were afraid of her because she was "different". I guess that's what attracted me to her, we were both "different". I hope I find another woman that's "different" like her.