Stalemate

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I broke up with long term partner just over a year ago after nine years

While I yearn for the idea of meeting someone new I don't like the idea of metting someone and breaking up again - so I am both attracted and repelled to the idea at the same time

You'll have to wait until you reach the point where wanting someone new overpowers the fear of another break up. Eventually loneliness will take over and you'll be willing to take that risk. The hard thing is there's no specific timeline. But you will know when you're ready and that will be the right time.

Wait til your ready, man.