Dating and Asperger's... emotional drained

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PhunkyDB
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14 May 2013, 10:54 pm

I've been dating somebody with asperger's for 4 months, He is 35 years old. I'm emotionally drained and don't know if I can take it anymore. Totally focuses on the internet sex sites, almost to the point that I'm being ignored, Violent and irratic outbursts, punching and destroying things in my house. Not being able to deal with in depth converstaions, running away. Very one sided about everything, knows everything and is always right. Can only be sexual or romantic when they want to. He's unemployed, gets an SSI check and has a police record for several run in with the cops for assault to the officer. But I love him and keep on letting it get the best of me. I asked hiom if we could seek help together but honestly I don't think it will do any good. He's on 20 mil of Paxil but I don't think it's enough.. I don't know what to do?



auntblabby
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14 May 2013, 11:05 pm

choose your battles, which sometimes means you have to cut your losses.



cathylynn
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14 May 2013, 11:17 pm

like aunt blabby said, this guy has problems way beyond AS. you should RUN away. someday he will probably start hitting you if you stay.



GregCav
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15 May 2013, 12:24 am

If you attempt to stay with him, it can only end badly. Its hard, but you've got to get him out of your life.



ASDMommyASDKid
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15 May 2013, 1:34 am

Not to be mean or anything, but why have you dated him this long?



auntblabby
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15 May 2013, 1:49 am

ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
Not to be mean or anything, but why have you dated him this long?

I would think it was common knowledge, that "man tends to love often yet in a promiscuously shallow manner- but woman tends to love seldom, however deeply." either she is deep in love with the guy or is codependent. or some combo of those two things?



ASDMommyASDKid
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15 May 2013, 1:56 am

Auntblabby, I don't really buy the deeply in love part, and even if I did, I don't think that is the issue. (Although co-dependence is a good possibility) Four months is not enough time to fall in such blind love. He's probably been showing signs before now.

Why even agree to a monogamous relationship with him in the first place? Even if he just started showing this side of himself, four months is a short time to even consider continuing this type of incompatible relationship, much less move him in, and put up with him trashing stuff and being violent.

I do not understand the emotional bond here.



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15 May 2013, 7:28 am

[Moved from Parents' Discussion to Love and Dating]


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appletheclown
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15 May 2013, 11:15 am

cathylynn wrote:
like aunt blabby said, this guy has problems way beyond AS. you should RUN away. someday he will probably start hitting you if you stay.


You got that right! An aspie would not be this active in being such an arse in the first place!


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mattarga
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15 May 2013, 6:00 pm

PhunkyDB wrote:
Violent and irratic outbursts, punching and destroying things in my house.


Oh, Phunky. That right there bothers me. The reason being? My father did that when I was younger, from the time I was about 9 or 10 up until I was about 17 or so. Please don't do what my mom did, she stayed with him her entire marriage. Sometimes I wonder if things would have been very different if my mom had left my dad before or after I was born, she suffered through so many years of that crap with him. It messed her up and it messed with my head as well. And I wasn't proud of it. I am a lot better now, with the medication I'm on, way better. Just seriously think about it, okay?


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