Self Summary -Identity Crisis- Dating Obsession

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I can't tell who I am anymore! I doubt that I ever knew who I was!

I've been rewriting self summaries every day on a half dozen dating sites over the last couple of years now!
I think "yes, this is me, it explains me perfectly" then I come back to it the next day and I don't recognize the person, or it seems extremely biased in some way, or really looks like it would be objectionable to women.

Yeah, and I obsessively read dating profiles of women. Also I can't decide on what kind of woman I would want, there are a few dozen, and I'm open to a lot of things people say are character flaws.

Also when I get a first date (never got a second date...) all I can think about is talking about relationships and finding out what her relationship opinions are, which is apparently not what they want to talk about, yeah I know it's bad but I can't resist!

Also I have gotten some terrible criticism about what I write on my profile summaries, and been called all sorts of things, probably because I want to find someone so bad that I purposefully put details in there that would provoke someone enough to write me a message.

I have recently become aware of all of this behavior and I'm developing a phobia of dating profiles and going on dates and talking to women at all.

Has anyone else here gone through something like this, possibly? Am I just a super deranged sociopath who needs drugs and therapy and possibly put in a crazy farm?

Been there, done that, and you're not going crazy.

The first thing you REALLY need to do is stop, take a step back and relax. You're 26 and finding the woman of your dreams is not a life or death decision at your time of life.

Now, let's get you setup for online dating so that you can do the whole thing properly, because "rewriting self summaries every day on a half dozen dating sites" is not the way to do this. The workload will drive you nuts and someone coming back to your entry will find a totally different person, this is not good.

Write out your profile but don't submit it to the website(s) yet, just keep it stored as text in your computer. If you have a friend or relative that you trust then ask them to read through what you've written and suggest improvements. Keep your profile short and stay away from mentioning Aspergers or relationship problems. After you've worked on your profile for a week or so and got all the advice you need you can then submit it to the dating sites but make sure that they all get the same information.

Monitor your results. If you write to someone and they say no then ask them why. They might mention something missing from your profile (in which case you add to it) or something that they don't like (in which case that bit gets deleted). Modify your profile(s) once a week and make SMALL alterations.

When you go out on a date print out the profile of the person you're meeting. On the opposite side of the page write down a list of topics that you can talk about, consider their interests, their hobbies, their work, their family background, make it seem as if you're interested in them. Try not to talk too much about relationships and really avoid talking about relationship problems. At the end of your date tell them that you've had fun and suggest that you meet again in a few days time. Try and exchange phone numbers and/or email addresses.

Above all, try not to get too attached to anyone you meet online until you're 100% certain that the relationship is working. Meet other people at the same time and continuously consider your options because you can be sure that everyone else on the site is doing the same thing! Dating sites are NOT a monogamous system.

What I am getting out of you post OP is that you have no clue who you are (which you admit) or what you want (being open to character flaws is evident of this). These are things that need to be figured out away from dating and relationships. I would guess by asking someone else their relationship preferences, you are trying to figure out who you should be in order for them to like you more. That is the impression I am getting.

Eccles and StarvingArtist have given solid input for you.

I agree. You have to know who you are before you start dating. If you are 1 person 1 day and another the next, you will most likely not find love.

It's important to have an idea of what you want too.

I got pretty obsessive with the profiles part of the dating websites. It turned into a writing exercise instead of trying to find dates. I think it has to do with my obsessiveness and perfectionism in general. Dating sites just provide the forum for these aspects of my personality to come out.

In regards to identity, a lot of people in their 20's don't know who they are, and I don't know many 20-somethings who know a lot about relationships, not old enough, mature enough, not enough life experience. You are not alone.

I assume you are dating because you are looking for a love relationship. Here's an important question that will tell you when you are ready for a love relationship. "Do I love myself?"

If you don't like yourself, you will not be able to accept love into your life. You definitely won't be able to attract a good partner. People spot and runaway from insecurity (unless they have persona problems themselves). My advice is not to get too serious about romantic relationships until you are satisfied with your life and with who you are. You can have a relationship without loving yourself or being satisfied with your life. It just won't be a satisfying relationship. It will be nerve-wracking and painful. You might even find yourself more lonely and miserable in the relationship than you are alone.

Thanks everyone. Your responses are very reassuring. Maybe I will close down all of my research for a while.

I'm not sure what loving myself means. I've never had a lasting sense of love or hate for myself. Sounds like narcissism to me. I just try to do what's best for me.