"But you don't seem like it"

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I've found that people really love telling me that I "don't seem like [you] have Asperger's", which is simultaneously completely maddening and pretty offensive (the latter for several obvious reasons). It has, however, gotten me thinking a lot. People say things like that, and then proceed to be bewildered or absolutely enraged when their make-believe decisions about me as being neurotypical and "normal" fall apart after they try to interact with me in some way, and I do whatever it is that I do, and they realize that it's not how someone else would have responded.

Anyway, I was wondering if anyone thinks this might be a factor in why dating and romance are essentially impossible for me. A glaring component of it is obviously that I have 0% comprehension of anything about that stuff, but I'm wondering now if maybe the fact that I'm "convincing" (ugh) puts people off of me romantically when I do or say things that remind them that I'm not quite the same as themselves.

Thoughts?

I know what you mean. I seem to irritate a lot of people by not behaving like most people, even friends. They sometimes even seem to think I'm being deliberately difficult. I don't like to say "well it's because I have AS": firstly because I'm self-diagnosed and therefore, according to some, my opinion on it is invalid; and secondly because I don't want to use it as a badge to excuse myself, especially when I've known most of my friends for a very long time.

I want people to understand that my mind works differently, but that's just it. I want them to understand, and make sure they comprehend that individuals are different, and not just go by what they've heard on the news or from false "experts".

I think what I'm trying to get at is that there are a people out there who will believe you and realise that not everyone with AS is the same. Anybody who assumes things about your AS should listen to you more. There are too many people out there who are self-proclaimed experts on things they've spent 10 minutes reading about, but there are also quite a lot of people who actually bother to properly research these things.

Alllll the time

"You're just not trying hard enough to be like everyone else - quit making lame excuses."

*sigh*

Even a lot of doctors tell me that I don't look typical.
But doctors who know me well would understand that I only rarely express it.

Yeah I don't look like it either. Apparently, if you have Aspergers you HAVE to be a self centered jerk who cares about nobody else These same people acknowledge that I am 'weird' for a normal person so they don't see the hypocrisy in that. Heard the "not trying hard enough" one a million times before I realized my own AS and it was maddening as %@#! Yeah, I love being a social outcast who has no friends. I loved being thought of as a pedophile or a weirdo just because I was single for 29 years with no friends! Most of all, I LOVED being covered head to toe in bruises as a teenager. If only I tried harder......

I have only gotten "You seem normal" and I have always taken it as a compliment. Years of rejection and being singled out because I was different, for once someone thinks I am normal so that means they will treat me with respect.

But I can see how it can also be a bad thing and an insult, if they think you don't seem like it, they won't take notice to your difficulties when you show them and they will think you are doing it on purpose. They will get mad at you for your traits. They will tell you you are fine and then they will contradict it by insulting you by calling you rude or arrogant or criticize you about something that is your trait.

What if they say you look and act like a normal person but deeply inside don't see you like normal at all?

Perhaps they do it to hold you back from certain benefits that you normally should get.

It seems like they should be more understanding if they know that I'm not the same but don't always look like it to them, because then when I do or say something that surprises them for whatever reason, it should come as a reminder that I'm not the same even if I sometimes sync up with them socially. As I've put it a few times, it's like getting mad at a blind person for bumping into you.

Sometimes I just want to haul out the big psych evaluation I got in high school that explains my conditions and just drop it in front of them and say "There. You want to insist that you know what you're talking about and that I'm just being rude and/or difficult? Argue with this 500+ page report written by people who actually went to school for this. I'm gonna go get lunch."

I assume they just get lost in their comfort levels with me. I don't do or say something "off" to them for a while, and they start to forget that when I talk to them, I'm pretty much running blind. I just kind of talk as I want to, and whatever happens with the conversation happens. Then I do or say something else and they flip s**t.

The one person I ever dated eventually broke it off because she said that being in a relationship with someone who seems to operate neurotypically but then doesn't was 'masochistic' to deal with, and she ran out of patience.

I actually have similar problem. But I'm 19, so I've got time to sort it out.

Thank goodness I have friends from my previous college experience, They actually invited me to do a lot of things, and even contacted me when my friend who also went there had brain cancer. I might buy a cheap hunting shack up there, and carve, and smith my way into a relationship. I could simply take a bus to my new house.

The NT guy I'm dating now said the exact same thing the first time we met up, and since then, my Aspergers hasn't been mentioned since. He doesn't seem to have a problem with most of my Aspie quirks, though I get a little irritated with him thinking I'm a mindreader. He just thinks I'm silly and adorable (because I totally am). Whenever someone tells me "I don't seem like it" I usually take it as a compliment, as I have worked very very very hard to to control some of those traits that would hinder me in the NT world. It is quite frustrating when people want to argue with you over your own diagnosis, especially one that has been confirmed by a doctor. When they start talking about the evils of medication, my anger switch gets flipped and I verbally beat them to hell.

People are people, after all. They love to have conflicts and drama, even if their words say otherwise. Hell, even I do. And that, everyone, is why they start arguments. About. Any. Little. Thing. Imaginable. It's also probably the real reason why there are people who say that "but you don't seem it" stuff.