So how's everyone doing?

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How's everyone doing? What's your general status and outlook?

I for one have been trying to be more positive, avoiding falling into vicious old cycles of negativity. It isn't always easy though, and there are times where my disappointment at still being single manages to creep in. My parents are taking me to a concert for my birthday, and asked me if there was anyone I could bring along. It disappointed me greatly to have to tell them no, there was nobody.

I fear being alone. I'm trying to over come this fear, to remind myself of all my blessings, and trying to be more social. But I cannot shake the feeling that as long as I am without a romantic partner, I am a failure at some fundamental level. Because romance and partnership is at the core of the human experience, and if I cannot manage to succeed at that, what does that say about me as a human being?

I've been making more efforts to have friends over, to put myself out there in the hopes that it might lead to finding someone, but I tend to instead feel very self conscious. I feel like such a dunce when it comes to hosting guests, and wonder how could I ever be the sort of person a woman would want?

So I focus on doing what I love, and this gets me by day by day. But always there is that hole, that sense that things are not complete, that I want to share my life with someone. And I fear I will never find her.

But I keep on trying. Been doing OKCupid for several months now. I've written around 150 women, gotten around 20 replies, which is a pretty good rate. Of those, 2 yielded dates, neither of which went past the first date. I'd be so happy if I could manage more than a single date with one person, but so far, not so.

But I'll keep on trying. I just know there is someone out there who will accept me, and I will do everything to earn her love, and make her happy.

So how about you all? How're you doing?

I am doing ok, I might finally meet someone on okcupid. it has been months, before I could get actually someone to actually turn up for a date. Will see how it goes. I was brutally honest with her from the start by being HFA/autistic. 7 months of communication. I hope I actually like what I see, because that will be my ultimate downfall, I'll lose interest pretty quickly if I am not attracted to her. so that is one worry, the other would be shouldn't I be more paranoid? from what I gather a lot of people on the forum here have above average paranoid tendencies where as I seem to be the exact opposite and maybe explain the reason for being so gullible.

Single for th past cuopel centuries, and knowin my luck, I'll be single for the next couple centuries too lol.

I have held some reltionships, but eithre they wer platonic friendships no mattr how much i wantd to move to a more sexul relationship, or they wer friendships with sex involvd but the othre person had no intention marying me or identifyin me as a partner (one of thes resulted in a son). The lattre I am in now, with a male frind (I am male to, but bisexual), but I dont expect him to want to be very emotionaly invested in me becuse I stil have a focus of geting married and havin more childrn soemday. Im not ver romanticly involved however at the moment, due to cancer, whch I have been undrgoing chemo and raditon for, and othre health isues that have been arising from it.

All I can say is, as im not very optimstic abuot my own prospects, dont feel liek a failuer if you never find a mate - some people nevre do, and soem pepole nevre try becuse they haev "mated' themslves to anothre pursuit, liek their art or their work, etc.. I have at lest the solace taht if I nevre do find somone before I die, I was a graet help to my family, and helpd them surivve and thrive, and I have at lest one son who Ive given evrything for.

I've been afraid of relationships for some time and have simply avoided them. It's a little lonely, but the pros outweigh the cons and I've had enough on my plate as it is with family illnesses and self-improvement efforts.

Despite this, I realized I have feelings for a friend of mine. It wouldn't be out of the question to try to conquer those fears if not for the fact that he still seems to be thinking about a girl from high school who's breathtaking, outgoing, intelligent, funny, still single - the whole package. We both have Asperger's and share a lot of important values, but assuming he'd be interested in the first place I'd rather be a first-class friend than a consolation prize girlfriend.

That's what's often advertised, but do you really believe it?

Last edited by Cilantro on 25 Apr 2013, 10:56 am, edited 2 times in total.

To seek joy is the nature of all humans. If you can not find joy in relationships, which I can, then you will have it harder finding a romantic partner to spend the rest of your life with. A human being is an Idol factory, it never ceases to seek joy in what it does, whatever that joy may be coming from.

I'm not sure how this adds anything. If you're referring to a relationship for the sake of it regardless of quality, those have made me deeply miserable in the past and I don't believe that any form of love would request or approve of the sacrifice of self-respect. We're nothing if not okay with who we are and what we do without selling that for attention and validation from others.

Last edited by Cilantro on 25 Apr 2013, 10:54 am, edited 2 times in total.

How am I doing?

Thats quite a broad question but I ll try my best to answer it properly:
I´m ok.

I could be better and hopefully I will eventually but due to some circumstances close friends are a bit overprotective of me right now which is somewhat annoying at times.



Anyhow:
Trying to focus on one of my main interests, limited myself to meeting people in circles related to them since March and to be honest it was probably one of the best decissions I made last year.

This Tuesday for example I ended up rejecting an offer to go to another pub for a drink with 2 girls my age and a proffesional magician at about 2:30 AM(group of people met up from 8:30 to 1 AM and at the end they tend to form small groups of people that want to keep talking to each other, I had nothing better to do than staying until then) most of the times I would have felt too out of place to even try to join their group on the first place.
Last week I danced with a complete stranger( she was new to the city, but she wanted to dance with someone so I told her to join me and some friends at my place a few days later and Id dance with her ). It may be nothing to most of you but I rarely have the courage to do this sort of thing.

To make things worse my parents were watching the whole thing with their friends and making comments about it and I still lasted several songs(lets just say I m not much of a dancer)

Yes and no. I don't believe one has to be married or monogamous. I don't believe in soul-mates or abstaining from sex until after marriage.

But I do believe that relationships are a deeply ingrained part of being human. We are social animals. It is ingrained in us, possibly even at the genetic level. It is instinctual. It is a fundamental need we all have.

Some need companionship more than others. For what it's worth, I don't think autistics are any less desiring of companionship, and maybe even desire it more. It's just it's so difficult for us, and so often we grow up being teased and mocked and avoided that we tend to embrace social isolation to protect from being hurt. I've never fully regained my trust or faith in other people, because I was hurt and abandoned so much by people I regarded as friends and confidantes. But I still desire love and to have a relationship with someone, with whom I can share my joys and sorrows, and who can share her joys and sorrows as well. To support one another, so that each day going forward isn't quite so scary.

I wouldn't argue that relationships are deeply ingrained in us, but saying that it's at the core of the human experience and allowing yourself to be labeled (by yourself or others) as inferior for not obtaining it sounds to me like giving it too much weight and priority. There are people who don't experience a good many things that are considered an important or normal part of the human experience, from vision to college parties to family, and if they aren't to be labeled as inferior for it (though some will, they're asses) then why should you be?

There's a little something I like to say to friends who feel that being different or having missed something in life means they're less of a person. Try to recall a book you loved that nobody else seems to have heard of, one that changed your life if there is one. It's not catered to popular tastes and standards, but you certainly wouldn't call it a bad book or say that it's a book without merit because it's not comparable to Harry Potter or Fifty Shades of Grey, would you?

The previous paragraph was not actually about books, but people.

That's only my two cents, though, as someone who once believed I desperately needed romance to feel loved until I started questioning why I believed that simply because I felt unfulfilled and had been told that it was the pinnacle of human interaction and meaning. Maybe that is at the core for you - I don't get to decide that - but consider that at least one person found the default to be false.

Last edited by Cilantro on 25 Apr 2013, 11:44 am, edited 2 times in total.

God-awful anxious at the moment. About to go meet an old school friend for lunch. We both can only remember each other as far as eighth grade, although were actually in the same high school also. No reason to be stressed about this, but Yikes.

FOLLOW-UP: Tried too hard to sound "normal" and ended up coming across as too intense. Need to practice limiting my speech to only two or three sentences before permitting the other person have their turn. Live and learn. Enjoyed seeing her again, though, after all these years.

Last edited by PrncssAlay on 27 Apr 2013, 5:15 am, edited 2 times in total.

With women? Good I guess! The only thing holding me back from dating is myself. I'm preoccupied and stressed about a lot of other things so finding that special girl is still a priority 2.

Other than that the weather in Southampton is the best it's been all year and I'm having a productive day kudos and best regards Brian.

Dating i am hopeless at, but at least i lucked into somebody very nice finding Me and tolerating my presence

Doing ok I guess...
Just recently finished recovering from my 2 wisdom teeth removal.
I hope others here are ok too right now!