AS/NT breakup

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Hi there...My Aspie BF and I have been (sorta) breaking up for a couple months. About two weeks ago he said over the phone that, yes infact we are finished and then told me via email he would be calling me last weekend as we both need closure. Closure being the reason for this call apparentley.
In the year we were dating I could set my watch by the accuracy of his phoning committment. The weekend in question has been and gone...no call. We have each others belongings and keys etc....To be honest I dont want closure...I want to try again and open a better healthier form of communication from all the great stuff I have learned on this site. He is so black and White that altho I know that he loves me. and He says that he cannot just 'turn that off'...he seemed to have made a decision. I want him to think a little more 'gray' on this matter. I want him to be able to reconsider. As soon as he deemed we were finished he went back to online dating sites. I know this may mean nothing or something I dont know. My question is...due to the fact that he has always in the past called exactley when he said he would...does the fact that he did not phone mean anything? Like perhaps he may not want closure either? Is there any way I can get him to reconsider and try to build a better way to communicate. The break up has all to do with our communication skills got way off track and hes having personal difficulties with his 13 yr old daughter. We experience alot of what is termed as mind blindness in our communication and I want to instill more 'clarification' tecniques so we can communicate better.
I am trying to give him space and not contacting him at all so perhaps he will miss me. he is very picky when it comes to dating...and i am only the second woman hes ever been in love with aside fomr his ex wife of 20 yrs. so we did have a very strong bond before our communicating became so off track and confusing and his meltdowns and intolerence of me became more frequent, I couldnt cope. Now I feel I can, from what Ive learned from you amazing people. So my question is what now? My tenetive plans are not to contact him for at least two weeks...I want him to miss me. And I assume he cannot do this until I go away. Anyone have any advice? Or insight?

You need to understand: IT'S OVER. Autistic people do not get over decisions they have already made.

Never???

NEVER!! ! They are too rigid to take back a decision most of the time.

I hear what you are saying...but in the past altho he is very rigid...he has taken back stuff before. decisions he made he has gone back on in the past...not often but he has...i remember cuz it always surprised me!

But was it on big decisions? Or little things?

he has gotten back together with me before and on other medium sized things

I come back on decisions all the time, I would never say that anything that goes for one by extension goes for everyone - especially in the autistic spectrum.

i dont understand...? you are now saying that the rigididty of descions are not always black and white even for B&W thinkers?

It is a spectrum disorder, NOTHING IS CERTAIN

Quote:

As soon as he deemed we were finished he went back to online dating sites

Look at everything I've quoted. All of this leads to what you want and then basically what he has shown he wants by his actions.

If he were NT what would you do? I always ask this because sometimes NT's feel that since the person they are with has AS then the things that would normally send red flags are ignored. Relationships don't always last forever and that includes relationships with people who have AS. I think sometimes we feel that we need to try EXTRA hard in AS/NT relationships, which is partly true. The problem comes when there's obvious indicators that the person is done but we still feel that it's the AS speaking and we can somehow work through this "rough patch". It's important to realize what's really going on and let go just like we would anyone else.

It seems that no one has anything positive to say on what I may be able to do to help the situation, such as no contact ie give him space or not. I have a feeling albeit positve thinking on my part that he will date, find that no one else is as suitable as I am for him and come back to me...but like I said ,,,maybe just positive thinking on my part.

It's not that we are being negative, we are being real with you. I'm sorry if it's not what you want to hear but when you spell it out the way that you have it's easy to see that he's probably moved on. The fact that he's on online dating sites? What else are we to think but that he's trying to find someone new? It's entirely possible that he may want you later on but you can't hold your breath and wait. You have to move on and then if he does come back, revisit the relationship and decide what you want to do. Just because we aren't telling you what you want to hear doesn't make us negative. We are honestly trying to help you.
I'm not going to sit up here and lie to you to make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I am treating you the way I would my best friends. I'm being real, honest and sincere. Somehow, you've got to respect that.

Thank you.

I would hope for you that you can find a man who is not that tepid toward you.

Don't you deserve that?

"his meltdowns and intolerence of me became more frequent"

may i ask in what ways he becomes intolerant? i'm in a new (3.5mos) relationship with my aspie and he gets frustrated when i get emotional during arguments and also this past weekend he said that the inflections in my voice annoy him....

=/