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Mitrovah
Deinonychus
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30 Apr 2013, 4:31 pm

im sure there is alot of redundancy on this topic but they are old and shelved and numerous so here comes a new one

seriously considering a dating site, i just don;t know how to communicate the fact i am a aspie on a profile. . I personally feel skiddish about dating sites because i have never dated i have a illogical belief in serendipity but i am getting a little frustrated being alone physically and emotionally and i am graduating.
there are a few problems
1. I have never dated im 20+
2. I don't have a social network of my own
3. I don't have pictures of myself because i don't take pictures of myself

my instincts are telling me this may be a bad idea but I want to at least give it a try. it seems especially more risky because i will be communicating with NTS because every website for our kind are more screwed up for on reason or another. i would like input on how to communicate the fact I am autistic on my online profile which i think i should announce straight up before anything else. I would also like input people's experience using dating website. please direct your comments as if you are speaking to my question.. don't start a controversy among st yourself's ultimately i will discern and decide the good and bad advice i get. if anything i would really like to hear how you have explained yourself as an aspie to a NT when you were dating someone. FYI i am planning to use match.com...



Stargazer43
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30 Apr 2013, 5:37 pm

I wouldn't recommend mentioning anything about your autism on your profile. It's all about trying to paint yourself in the most positive, albeit realistic, light that you can, think of it like a resume. After you get to know someone relatively well is when you can mention it, it's the kind of thing that you should only mention to someone you fully trust in my opinion. I was personally extremely nervous about them myself not long ago, but after trying them out I'm honestly glad I did. It actually allowed me the chance to meet and date new people, which is an opportunity with which I was seldom afforded before.



1000Knives
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30 Apr 2013, 5:38 pm

OKCupid:

"Biggest secret you wish to reveal on this page?"

"I have Aspergers."



starkid
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30 Apr 2013, 6:25 pm

I would advise you not to say that you have an ASD on the profile. Instead, describe the symptoms you think are important as you would describe any other personality trait. For example, on my profile it says that I don't really like lots of eye contact with people I don't know well. As for the picture, if you can't borrow a camera or just don't want to post one, just state something in your profile about wanting to maintain your privacy. It might be a good idea to have a picture at some point, just to send to people who respond to your profile if you don't want random people knowing who you are.



MXH
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30 Apr 2013, 6:32 pm

I closed all my profiles, at least in my location dating sites are a waste of effort.



PsychoSarah
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30 Apr 2013, 8:35 pm

Dating sites definition: A cesspool of desperation, lies, and sexual predators. You have been warned.



appletheclown
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30 Apr 2013, 8:54 pm

PsychoSarah wrote:
Dating sites definition: A cesspool of desperation, lies, and sexual predators. You have been warned.


This is one of the few time we get to enjoy agreeing with each other sarah, Good job. Go buy yourself your favorite dessert, you deserve it.


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billiscool
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30 Apr 2013, 10:27 pm

stay away from dating site, find women in real life.



Misslizard
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30 Apr 2013, 10:59 pm

I went on okcupid for a couple weeks,
but it should be called okstupid,no thanks.
I found it to be sort of creepy,but that could be just a girl's perception.
I do know a few couples that met on line,and really hit it off,I don't remember what site.
I never sent any messages, but I got a couple strange ones 8O
So it's nocupid now.


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Titangeek
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30 Apr 2013, 11:27 pm

Stargazer43 wrote:
I wouldn't recommend mentioning anything about your autism on your profile. It's all about trying to paint yourself in the most positive, albeit realistic, light that you can, think of it like a resume. After you get to know someone relatively well is when you can mention it, it's the kind of thing that you should only mention to someone you fully trust in my opinion. I was personally extremely nervous about them myself not long ago, but after trying them out I'm honestly glad I did. It actually allowed me the chance to meet and date new people, which is an opportunity with which I was seldom afforded before.


I've got it listed on both my profiles, it definitely limits the number of responses you get, but the quality of human that does respond is generally better.


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Venger
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01 May 2013, 6:19 am

PsychoSarah wrote:
Dating sites definition: A cesspool of desperation, lies, and sexual predators. You have been warned.


A guy with AS is extremely unlikely to be some sort of online-predator, and one of the safest types of people you could meet. However, most women on dating sites don't give a f**k, and stop responding as soon as the guy reveals that he's autistic. :?



Marky9
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01 May 2013, 6:34 am

I have used dating sites before. No bad experiences, but no ongoing relationships developed beyond the initial meeting for coffee.

Depending upon your tolerance for frustration, I see no reason for a guy not to give it a try for himself so long as it is a reasonably interesting and/or enjoyable experience. (Ladies may want to exercise more caution.) I try to view such things as allowing myself a bit of adventure. Maybe getting a professional headshot done could be part of your adventure.

I would just advise not setting expectations and being open to whatever happens, including being open to let it go and move if and when it proves unsettling or an unproductive use of time.



PsychoSarah
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01 May 2013, 8:22 am

Suggestion: Skype people before you meet them in person, so that you do not end up wasting time and money on a person who wasn't honest enough to post their actual picture.



purplefeet
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01 May 2013, 8:46 am

I met my boyfriend on an online dating site, they clearly work for many people.

I wouldn't put anything about aspergers on your profile. However, you don't need to declare things like you love socialising and meeting new people (unless you do!). Be genuine and honest about your hobbies/job. I was quite nervous doing this as the person I would like to be is very different from the person I actually am but there we go. I actually couldn't put any favourite movies/books/music as I wasn't sure that any of them would stay the favourite by the time I actually met someone.

I am an undiagnosed female and my profile was very unfriendly to say the least. My boyfriend's was a list of self-deprecating statements that made me laugh. He didn't seem as "in your face" as some of the people there.

Please don't fall into the trap of trying to:
a) try to make your profile sound like everyone else's (not that you will but it's a guarantee to end up chatting to someone who is incompatible with you).
b) being too honest too soon. Never lie but I agree with Starkid about listing some of your personality traits. The right person FOR YOU will not be alarmed.



catwhisperer
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02 May 2013, 11:52 am

I would say give a sense of your personality but not state you have aspergers. the idea is to attract someone with similar interests by showing your good traits. And by the way.....I personally had no luck with this website, but I know a girl who met her aspie boyfriend on okcupid.



mattarga
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04 May 2013, 8:31 am

Yep, online dating doesn't work for everybody. I tried it for a month and it failed miserably. A few ladies said nice things to me in a message back to me on OKC, and one other turned out to be a notorious dating scam artist of all things, I blocked her permanently from email and everything. And shut down all of my accounts. Better to be patient and either let love find you or find someone who likes the things you like to hang out with.


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