Life of Doubt is a Bad Habit

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For the majority of my life, I have lived a life of doubt...and in some cases I still do. When I was a kid, I used to be really naive and believed in every word someone said to me...okay, I am still like that somewhat... Anyway, whenever I look back at those times in my childhood, I can't help but doubt I actually had any real friends back then. Okay, there's no doubt I had ADULT friends, but I can't help but wonder if I ever actually had friends that were close to my age back then. I still doubt I did have actual friends because of the fact that I had been deceived and taken advantage of loads of times back then. I know I have friends now, I don't doubt that.
Anyway, getting to the actual topic, I have a problem when it comes to doubts. I always doubt that certain good things will ever happen to my sister (because she is ill with crohns disease and other health problems), sometimes I doubt I'll ever become an aunt (since my brother and his wife are having to have to be financially secure and his wife has to be well enough...she has diabetes and all), I even doubt that I will never be happy to see my uncle again...no wait, that one is not a doubt at all actually, I know I'll never be happy to see my uncle again, he's a major donkey (clever way to substitute the other word huh? Lol). But the very big thing that effects me badly because of doubt is with my love life. Okay, I don't have a love life now, and sometimes I always doubt that I will have another love life. I know people have told me that I am very sweet and smart and funny and very adorable (seriously, I've been told that I'm adorable), I've even been told that any guy would be lucky to date me, but for some reasons, I can't help but doubt on myself in cases like that. I want to have a love life just as much as the next gal, but living many years of doubt has become a part of me, and I wish I could get over that and learn to be more faithful about others. I will admit that I was completely right to doubt on the last guy I dated, but at the same time, my doubting is slightly the reason why I'm single all over again. Now don't get me wrong, I know that there's nothing wrong with being single, but being single for a while can make a girl (and a guy) feel lonely and even feel as though they are in the stony lonesome of their heart. Anyway, I tend to tell myself that I'm going to live and die alone and that really scares me (even though I am young and still have loads to live for) but you know what they say, you could be alive today, but then die tomorrow (okay, I don't know who says that, but that's what my brain came up with). Okay, now I'm probably just rambling about stuff...
Back to the REAL topic, I fear that the next relationship I have, my doubts will get to me again. I don't want to have reasons to not be with the other person...whoever it will be in the future, I don't want to come across desperate, but at the same time, when I make the decision to talk to someone that I'm interested in and tell him how I feel, I end up turning around and thinking that they will never reply to me and accept my likings (which my doubts on that doesn't really fail all that much). I really wish I could quit doubting on people. There are too many pessimistic people in the world, and I want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. If only I knew how to do that...I might even actually have an actual intimate relationship with someone if I could give them the benefit of the doubt. But how do I do that? Like I said, my doubts were partially the reason why my last relationship didn't do well (but the rest of the fraction of that relationship was reall HIS fault, honestly).
Anyway, despite the fact that I am doubtful sometimes, I am a great person to date. I'm compassionate, a good listener, generous, sweet, funny, smart, and cute (mostly in height and when I'm quirky and rambunctious). Anyway, if you would like to learn more about me, find LoverofDragons in Eligible Odd-Bods and go to either the second to or third to last page (there's always new posts so you may need to go a bit further away from the last page, but look at the second to last page first just in case). And if you're interested enough, don't hesitate to chat with me. I'm always happy to meet new people! 😊

You write like I used to write when I was 18. Hello Aspie!

Sorry, I'm a bit confused. What exactly were the doubts that ruined your last relationship? Doubts that he was the right guy for you? Doubts that he liked you? Doubts about whether he'd want to go out with you, so you didn't even ask?

I think the doubts about your sister and becoming an aunt are fairly normal doubts to have. Nothing in life is certain and if they have issues that make certain things harder, then a good outcome can seem doubtful.

Lol hey what's up? Lol great minds think alike I suppose. Although I really am sorry for writing that much (but that's nothing compared to the writing I do for my stories)

I know I didn't put down the specifics in the main post, and sorry about that. In the case of the last guy I dated, I had loads of my doubts that he truly loved me (which I found out that my doubt was right) and not to mention that I doubted I could trust him (again, another win on my doubts). He was messed up emotionally (and mentally in some areas). He treated me like I was just another possession: I got loads of the loving attention at first and afterward, as time went by, I was more of just something to not have much attention paid to. And that was seriously messed up because I was the perfect girl for him; I did what any perfect girlfriend would do: baked him goods that he liked, I have him my affections, got to know him. I couldn't understand what I was doing wrong, but it turned out that I did nothing wrong. He was at fault, he just did nothing but complain about everything in his life, he even complained about his stupid iPod being broken and expected me to feel sorry for him. I pitied him, yes, but that was only because of the fact that he was upset over something that could be replaced easily; he was like a little kid crying about his favorite toy being broken by accident. He was 15 at the time for crying out loud!

Some of the doubts you might have could be created based off the beliefs you have and the lies you were told and believed in. A good quote is "We are all born in truth, but we grew up believing in lies." from Don Miguel Ruiz.
Ruiz has written some books and I would recommend The Four Agreements. You don't have to listen to the religious or spiritual stuff if you don't want, but the four agreements are pretty well explained.

Sure cant argue with that logic honestly. But there's also that situation on how I can forget about all those doubts so I don't have to worry about what people are going to say or do to me. I've had that problem all my life. It seriously doesn't look good on me...well, it doesn't look good on anyone honestly.

You can doubt others if you want... but your self doubt is probably a lie most of the time. Self-doubt often makes people feel limited. That is more or less coming from me and the influence some of the books I have read have on me.
Everyone has their doubts about everyone else based on experiences with them. The doubt you place in others often keeps you from giving more than a fair chance to people to prove themselves. This is just human nature.

I know, and it really sucks, dude. Usually, I would say that there's no point in saying that something isn't fair if life isn't fair, but at the same time, you're right

If he had treated you well and not just like a possession etc, do you think you would have still had the same doubts?

To me, it sounds like a healthy level of doubt.

Have you ever had doubts about things that didn't have some solid reasons behind it?

Probably, if he did treat me the right way, I surely would have lost my doubts on him eventually. And I guess if you're wanting to say that it's a "healthy level of doubt" then I'm cool with that, I'm not sure I feel the same way though.
And anyway, half of my doubts are always about my sister. She has crohns disease like I mentioned earlier, and there's no cure that will get rid of it, and I always doubt that there actually will be a cure, but that's probably just a bit of my pessimistic side as well. Other than that, the answer to that last question of yours is no...for now probably.