Being just friends with guys from dating sites

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So I've been on quite a few dates set up via dating sites over the past year. When I've said to these guys that I'm not interested after the date, they have all suggested that we continue being friends because we obviously have a fair bit in common. My reaction to this initially was that this was a nice thing. However, some of them then started making inappropriate advances which I had been too naïve to see the lead-up to, so they had to be cut out of my life. I am still friends with a couple of the guys, but now I am worried about whether we are really friends or whether they want more and I'm not able to tell. Mostly we just chat online about normal stuff and sometimes meet up and go places. Are these kind of friendships ok? One of my female friends suggested that I was being mean because still seeing these guys was leading them on even though I had told them we are not dating. And if it's not ok, how do I tell them I don't want to see them any more when they haven't done anything wrong?

I am also slightly concerned because I have a second date soon with someone I actually really like and I'm not sure how he would view the situation. Do you think he would be ok with it?

Early in the relationship, men are threatened by that. However, the worst possible sceanario is that he find out about your guy friend from someone other than you, so you better tell him about it.

it's perfectly fine and healthy to have guy friends. i'm married and I have guy friends. the guys' expectations are not your responsibility once you have been clear that you are not romantically interested.

Dating sites are for dating.

Yeah. Guys on dating sites get offended if you don't wanna date but wanna maintain a friendship. I didn't think it was a big deal thinking I don't date strangers and it would be good to become friends first anyways. So I learned that one the hard way.

I wouldn't hang about on a dating site if I was serious about someone. I wouldn't like it if my Bf did that to me either. It sends the message that you're still hunting.

Well, there are some reasons why guys would get offended for that:

- The main objective of being on dating sites is to get dates and hopefully the wanted form of relationship by the individual, girls who are there just for quizzes and friendships are additional distractions from their main objective; many of those guys are adults and none of them is immortal.
- Getting dates is not easy for guys on dating sites, you've heard it all, like how many guys can barely get replies and how the gender ratio is not in their favor, the whole experience is frustrating to most guys, being friendzoned make it even worse for them.
- Dating sites are called dating sites for that reason, regardless of the other illogical options those sites suggest.

With all the dates I got from okcupid and other sites, I was very clear from the beginning that I was interested in dating, and not in friendship, I would accept friendship if things don't work after the date but I made it very clear to the woman I am asking out that my initial intention is dating, and there real reason behind asking her out is not friendship.

What I personally find most confusing are some of the women on Okcupid who put under "Looking for" : For new friends. Guys who like girls only.
I mean what the h....? If you are just seeking for friendship then why it must be with straight guys only?? In my humble opinion the true intent behind this criteria is "I will keep friendzoning straight guys till I find one worth to keep as bf". No thanks, I wouldn't be part of their friendzoning conquest.

Just to be clear, the friendships weren't my idea. I said 'I don't want to date you. Let's part ways and not see each other again.' and they said they wanted to be friends. I didn't go on a dating site looking for a friends and I absolutely do not play games.

I am just worried that having said yes to being friends that they think it *is* some kind of game and that I am being hard to get and eventually they will win me over. This seems to be what some of the other guys thought who eventually made a move on me after saying they wanted to be just friends.

^ then those guys are...delusional idiots.

Here is an Aspie with the exact opposite problem, afraid that women will think of him in the same way you experience guys being "friends" with you.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt229865.html

So not everyone is like that.

Thanks, you have reassured me.

I am not usually this cynical. Some of the behaviour I've encountered through dating sites has made rather paranoid, I think.

Some guys are like that. They say they are okay with being friends, yet they might try and woo you even still, they basically think they still have a chance. This happened to me in the past with a guy I only saw as a friend. I ALWAYS told him we are friends, yet he always tried to get cozy or too close. I always had to tell him again about the boundaries. years passed and things were always like that and once I got a boyfriend he went and tried to harm me with revenge. Then I read that if you stay friends with a nguy it just means you are giving false "hope". I didn't think so, but I guess hanging around him and being nice to him gave him hope. I can kind of see that now, but he was also wrong to have thought about hope when I was always clear. I think those type of guys are a bit dangerous and manipulating if they still try after you make yourself clear. If you met them on the dating site, then it's best for you to cut contact because it's most likely they think friends means they have a chance.

*scratching tummy*

To be honest, you women are sometimes confusing as hell too, it's not always the guys are being faulty, most of you often claim that relationships/love come out of friendships, yet you complain about some guy friends "he still thinks he has a chance because I offered him friendship" - which means you've already made your mind from the beginning that these guys will never be potential relationship materials for you, regardless how deep the friendship goes, the friendship that you claim that love sprouts from it.

Can you see the confusion and contradiction?

The way I see it, this claim about friendship and love is BS, attraction is decided from the beginning, usually from the first meeting you label a guy in which category he fits (potential, not potential) - love comes out of friendship when friendship is used as a mean for approaching; if the two parties are attracted to each other from the *beginning*, even before friendship then love appears, otherwise it doesn't.

To me, this sounds like 1) if you make it clear to a woman from the beginning that you want a relationship with her, and not just to be friends, that’s creepy, so you won’t, or shouldn’t, have a chance; and 2) if you’re friends, well, you’re friends, so you don’t have a chance. To sum up, you don’t have a chance, period. No sense even trying

It’s not like it matters much to me, though—a lot of things would have to change first for me to be able to try anything.

If it was me, I wouldn't bother.

Too many men will be creepy, or will be wanting or at least hoping for a bang at these places. I wouldn't personally risk it.

I don't think "I met you with the intention to date, had a good look, and decided I'm not interested so this isn't going anywhere" and "I met you with the intention to be friends, had a good look at some point after that, and decided I'm interested" are incompatible. "We met with the intention of dating and I'm not interested" should be interpreted as crystal clear disinterest and a lack of possibility, while the same can't be said for people who haven't met on romantic or sexual terms and who haven't come to that bridge yet.