Want a relationship but haven't been interested in anyone

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Hi there,

Sorry in advance if my post seems kind of disorganised, it's difficult to express my thoughts but I'll try.

I've never had a girlfriend before and have wanted one for some time. One thing that some people say is that I don't ask anyone, but the thing is I haven't been interested in anyone enough for me to want to. I've met quite a few girls over the past few years but have only been interested in them as friends. Actually this might be good in some ways as at least I can make friends, and I can get to know girls so I have an idea of what to expect from them.

It's been like this for the past 3 years. There was a girl I was genuinely interested in back then, but I didn't make a move as I had no idea what to do then (if something similar happened now I'd likely make a move). In fact before I became interested in her I never wanted a relationship at all, so being 18 at the time and basically knowing nothing at all about dating didn't help me. It was being interested in her that made me think about wanting to be in a relationship.

Actually to some extent I'm starting to feel like I did before I was 18 - I'm not sure if I really need to be in a relationship anymore since I haven't felt the feeling of wanting to be with someone.

This is in contrast to about a year ago, when I was much more desperate to get a girlfriend. At that time I figured it was because I felt 'lonely' a lot of the time. But now I don't feel lonely so often, partly because I've become more accepting of myself being single and partly because I've made new friends and meet my friends more often. So I was beginning to wonder if I can be satisfied socially by having friends, then why do I need a relationship? Not that I don't want one anymore, just that it's become less of a priority. I think that in general I'm not sure what I'm looking for or what to expect in a relationship anymore.

Any thoughts?

Edit: I'm also not interested in sex and am looking for a long-term, stable relationship. I don't want to start one just for it to end quickly.

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Your story is pretty similar to mine. I've kind of wondered if I were asexual or not wired up for relationships, but seeing your post has made me consider a few things. I think its likely that I need a really strong and unique connection with someone, resulting from amount of time getting know each other and also personality type. Most of the women I come across though do nothing for me (I mean I can find them physically attractive but there's no substantial connection between us). The one chick I was into when I was younger (who I was too inexperienced to grab) definitely resulted from time and personality. Recently I met a chick who has become almost my best friend in 2 months just because of how we click. The connection with her is one of the best I've had, but its not a relationship type connection. I'm thinking though that maybe ill meet someone else with whom I have this quality of connection and it'll be a romantic one. If that happened it'll have been worth waiting for. Thanks for your post, you've helped me reflect on my own situation.

I tend to agree with your comments. I am 28 years old and have never had a girlfriend. For the first time in my life, I feel like I'd actually be capable of asking a girl out but lately I haven't been able to meet someone that I'm actually interested in dating. There were plenty of women I was super interested in the past but most are no longer in my life or are in relationships now. I was just diagnosed with Aspergers about a month ago so I only recently realized that most of these women likely had no idea I was interested in them. And if they were interested in me, I would have had no idea either. I guess I'm not too concerned that I don't have a relationship right now. I think if I keep working on friendships and meeting people, I will eventually meet someone that I really connect with.