Dating tendencies

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Hi everyone,
I'm new to this site and I must say it has been great reading about what everyone has to say.

I've noticed that I'm occasionally able to find women who will go out with me, and usually the first date will go OK (at least from my perspective). I can always then get a second date, but then without fail the woman will not be interested anymore. I know I must be doing something right to get the 1st and 2nd date in the first place, but I get the suspicion that she's then able to figure out that there's something "wrong" with me.

I'm not sure what I should be doing, but if other people have had similar experiences I'd be happy to learn from them. I don't know if I should tell people straight up that I'm an aspie, usually that doesn't go over too well with people who I don't know so well. But it is tempting because sometimes I want to explain to people why I'm a bit odd, and maybe that would encourage more patience with me.

Welcome to the club, that sounds pretty much the same as my experience as well lol. I've put dating on hold for now though, since I'm going to be moving soon, but back when I was still actively trying I was starting to notice some improvement. I think that a lot of it was that as I started meeting more women, I was able to become more comfortable around them sooner, as it usually takes me a while to warm up to people. Confidence is often touted as one of the most attractive qualities to women, so if you can shed any anxiety you may have it can only help.

Have you been going in for a kiss by the second date? I think that that's probably one thing that really hurts me since I haven't been, but really I'm not sure what I should do about it. I've never kissed anyone before so I honestly don't even know how people typically do it, and seeing as I'm closing in on 28 I obviously can't tell anyone that! Not to mention that a crowded restaurant doesn't exactly seem like the most conducive places to kiss someone for the first time, and that's usually where my first date or two with someone ends up.

Another option is to try to think of something really interesting for a second date, outside the box. Of course it depends on how well you know the person beforehand, but be creative...art museums, white-water rafting, a trip to historical monuments, a concert, etc. Those are just a few basic ideas I had but it depends on both of your shared interests, as well as what's in your area.

I can get the first date ok, but rarely the second. So your slightly ahead of me.

It's odd perhaps, there are so many dating books out there, but none that explain basics. We need an idiot's guide to dating. But then the girls are very different each, so I guess that wouldn't work either.

Well, being autistic reduces the likelihood that someone likes you. There isn't so much you can do about it.

"Have you been going in for a kiss by the second date? I think that that's probably one thing that really hurts me since I haven't been, but really I'm not sure what I should do about it."

When I was younger I tried to go in for kisses, it never worked out well. Now I've stopped trying that, just because it makes me feel really bad about myself. I feel like an assertive jerk, although at a certain point I thought that's what women find attractive so I tried to play that role.

"Well, being autistic reduces the likelihood that someone likes you. There isn't so much you can do about it."

I'd like to think there is something I can do about it. I've been able to make a lot of positive improvements in my life since being diagnosed, so hopefully this area can get better too.

That totally isn't true. Women don't all like the same characteristics in a man, so it seems more a matter of finding the right chemistry matchup. And there doesn't seem to be any way around just doing face-to-face time until you hit the right combination. Plus experience will definitely help the process get easier. (Regarding the "first kiss," my only advice is to NOT do it in a public place.)

I don't see how that's a contradiction to what I said.
Certainly, for most people, there is a person in the world that would potentially like them.

But if you're on a date with a random person, I'm pretty sure that autism does reduce your probability of success, so you have to try a higher number of persons until there's a match.

With all due respect, since you are a male-type person you may not have total insight into what women like in a man.

I think being autistic is likely both to make you less attractive to begin with, and to lead you to get yourself into a situation in which dating is impossible or doesn’t make sense.