Divergent Relationship Models?
Well, I'm not really experienced, having been in only one relationship with a guy, and not like this, but I find myself with a picture of what I would find a nice relationship.
No romantic pressure, no need for roles, just people being people, around eachother when things permit. No kids, no competition, and no jealousy. A feeling of freedom on both sides, of dedication through a lack of binds.
Whether with one or two people, so long as everyone is equal and love within means is spread in our conversation and intention. A relationship like this is more one of friendship than it is societal romantic love. In my case it'd be camaraderie - the feeling of being with a person that I would die with, have at my side in the worst of things, and vice verse, despite how hard it is for me to commit to helping family.
In contrast, most other relationship models I have seen out there seem to have the same "ownership" theme. It is often a bunch of compromise that at best leaves two people as less than they were before, or one far less than they were. Compromise is good, but arbitration over another person's life is distasteful and wrong, IMO. There is a point where people aren't sharing their lives and are only sharing their hangups, and not even in conversation, but by shifting them, and burdening others with them.
It's somewhat strange and I have no clue whether anyone out there thinks like this. Anybody feel similar? Anyone have at least any personal model considerations?
Well, you're in luck, because I have that kind of viewpoint myself. I don't grasp the insane dynamic that a married couple in these days and times share. It seems to be all about rush, rush, rush; get every single tangible item you can; compete with everyone else to have bigger and better; compete with others to be the studly husband or too hot to touch wife that others don't have; compete with other couples' children to try to be better than theirs; etc. It's crazy!! ! I could not EVER see myself turning into any of that crap!! So, yes, I too think outside the box. I want a best friend in any potential future mate.
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"Wherever you go, there you are."
Exactly, yeah. It's like a perfect extension of the messed up world out there. Compete, defeat, and repeat. It's not really about love so much as straining that love. It's more like candidates in an election than mutual living.
In contrast, most other relationship models I have seen out there seem to have the same "ownership" theme. It is often a bunch of compromise that at best leaves two people as less than they were before, or one far less than they were. Compromise is good, but arbitration over another person's life is distasteful and wrong, IMO. There is a point where people aren't sharing their lives and are only sharing their hangups, and not even in conversation, but by shifting them, and burdening others with them.
It's somewhat strange and I have no clue whether anyone out there thinks like this. Anybody feel similar? Anyone have at least any personal model considerations?
It's possible to have a relationship without dictating over the other person. What really makes me angry is when I see thread after thread of "how can I change the person I'm with", because they can't accept their partner how they are. Haven't people realized this doesn't work by now?!? I also never understood the idea of a date/spouse being a reflection on the other person. It's obviously prevalent (or trophy wife wouldn't be in the vocabulary), but that's an acquisition or a business deal more than anything to me.
Your description seems rarer to find. I almost want to read it as searching for a sense of brotherhood. In romantic relationships, it seems like marriage is the end goal. Not for ownership purposes maybe, but knowing that each person is willing to commit to the other and the emotional security that provides. There are probably a myriad of other reasons, but this is the one that makes sense to me. I understand where you're coming from though. Those qualities have always defined a true friend or family for me....in a perfect world anyway. I've never encountered it, but there is the occasionally story that leads me to believe that it does exist.
In contrast, most other relationship models I have seen out there seem to have the same "ownership" theme. It is often a bunch of compromise that at best leaves two people as less than they were before, or one far less than they were. Compromise is good, but arbitration over another person's life is distasteful and wrong, IMO. There is a point where people aren't sharing their lives and are only sharing their hangups, and not even in conversation, but by shifting them, and burdening others with them.
It's somewhat strange and I have no clue whether anyone out there thinks like this. Anybody feel similar? Anyone have at least any personal model considerations?
It's possible to have a relationship without dictating over the other person. What really makes me angry is when I see thread after thread of "how can I change the person I'm with", because they can't accept their partner how they are. Haven't people realized this doesn't work by now?!? I also never understood the idea of a date/spouse being a reflection on the other person. It's obviously prevalent (or trophy wife wouldn't be in the vocabulary), but that's an acquisition or a business deal more than anything to me.
Your description seems rarer to find. I almost want to read it as searching for a sense of brotherhood. In romantic relationships, it seems like marriage is the end goal. Not for ownership purposes maybe, but knowing that each person is willing to commit to the other and the emotional security that provides. There are probably a myriad of other reasons, but this is the one that makes sense to me. I understand where you're coming from though. Those qualities have always defined a true friend or family for me....in a perfect world anyway. I've never encountered it, but there is the occasionally story that leads me to believe that it does exist.
That's a rather apt way to put it. I want someone to go through life with by my side, not my terms. I also want them to be there because they want to, and not because there's practically a contract saying they need to. Someone who has real loyalty to me, not false loyalty. Loyalty is weak without temptation, and temptation is emboldened by shame.
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