Do people want kids not to be alone?

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I was thinking a lot about this. Asked it in forums- Why do you want children?
I never got any replies that would make sense.
Then I had this idea that people just don't want to be alone. As when you are with a partner, they can leave you whenever they want. But your kids are going to be your blood for life.
Also like going to a restaurant or on holidays, when you go with your children you always have company, you always have an excuse to do things.
Children are supposed to love you and look up on you and respect you, you don't have to do anything just becoming a parent.
I'm just rambling. This is not that important just one of the questions I was thinking of lately.

I think there's a huge biological urge for a lot of people. Or they feel like their life isn't complete until they've ticket all of the life milestone boxes.

Apparently you get a lot of pleasure from having children around. Lots of stress, but also lots of good times.

Personally I can't stand the noise children make.

I never felt that urge to have children, I never played with dolls, pretending to have my own baby.
Probably this is why I don't understand.
I mean what's pleasure when you have a 24/7 responsibility for 18 years, they can't stop talking, they always have some problems, you have no life anymore, you are basically a "carer".

Some of us just don't have that urge. I'm kind of glad I don't.

What's so bad about being a carer?

Family roles, and a lot of people will try to deny this, are extensions of one's self. You have a natural predisposition to derive your pleasure from the well-being of other people. All people are selfish. What varies is how much you are preoccupied with others for your own pleasure.

If people aren't important to you, you'll never understand what it's like to want certain people in your life.

My kids are old enough to take care of themselves and each other, so I keep my distance unless they come looking for me. Some activities we do routinely as a family and they don't get to opt out. We don't have extended family/friends to really help us, so our kids go EVERYWHERE and do EVERYTHING with us. We don't really have discipline problems, mostly because we stomped mudholes in misbehavior from age 2-5. They didn't misbehave because there was a zero tolerance for it, and now it's just simply not done--not because they fear us, but because of how we guided their sense of right and wrong. The youngest of our three has grown up in the shadow of the older two and quickly learned how to stand on their shoulders, so correcting him has been rare. THEY never misbehave, so why should he? They can feed, clean, and clothe themselves. We both work at their school, so our family is literally together every hour of every day. They have become integrated so tightly into our routine that we don't even notice if anything has ever been a hassle.

Kids become naturally more independent as they get older. If we need to run to town for a couple of hours, we just leave our kids at the house. They aren't going to burn the house, they know what to do if a stranger stops by. For engagements that don't allow kids, which are rare, we will get a sitter, but that's really only about twice or three times a year. By halfway through the teen years, you really can't keep them "attached at the hip," but the more you can involve them in activities you do that will prepare them for adulthood--well, it's free labor! But you can lean more on your kids at that stage and really accomplish a lot of your personal or career goals. Because they're used to that, they'll have more of a head start in education and career themselves because they "do stuff," not just what comes out of the classroom that they'll never use. I've known 17 and 18 year olds who were so involved they purchased vehicles without parents' help and even started their own businesses. In the end, they take more care of their parents than we do them. It might seem unfair, but kids really can be amazing.

What helps me is looking at my newborns and imagining them at 18. I keep that image and work every day to keep them on that path. They don't need me hovering every second of the day. But I do listen to them talk, observe imaginative play, ask about the books they read, and all that kind of thing. We all volunteer together and have fun.

The hardest part everyone tells me is when they DO turn 18. They've become such a huge part of your life that you don't know what to do without them. And then you hope they continue making the right choices.

I'm not saying kids are for EVERYONE and I don't judge people for going their own way. I'm just saying that in my experience it's not NEARLY as bad as you'd think! Honestly, the worst part for ME was always changing diapers. I hate that. It's just overwhelming, and I've changed well over 1,000 of them. At least 3/day for 2 kids at any given time--and #3 came on the heels of getting my oldest trained. And that was as negatively impacting as it ever got.

Everything else kinda happened all around us, outside of having kids. At our lowest point we ended up homeless, living out of a motel room for a few weeks, almost losing our possessions when we couldn't afford storage locker rent. We got some last-minute breaks that saves us. But homeless with two kids was by far something I'd never repeat given a choice!

In most eastern cultures (if not all, even in Japan: https://www.adb.org/publications/why-do ... -different), including mine, sons and daughters are supposed to spend on and to look after their elder parents when they get too old ; yes, to the point of diapering them, feeding them and showering them... you know, full nursing care.

The...unmarried son or daughter is the one who usually ends up stuck taking care of their elder parents.

That alone gives a good reason for people to have children, in order to secure their financial and life comfort for their hard eldery years, and probably hence why the birth rates are higher in these cultures.

It's a good reason in Eastern cultures. It seems logical.
Probably I am never going to understand this as for me logical is not always enough.

The company of a child never entered my mind. The idea they might be there when I got old never entered my mind (and I say might because I have never considered it fair for parents to impose requirements and expectations on their adult children). I've just always wanted children. I've always been drawn to them. No doubt it is pure instinct, survival of the species. But I played along willingly and even now sometimes look wistfully at young children wondering if I should have another.

As our world changes and becomes more populated it wouldn't surprise me if evolution started suppressing the instinct in people.

Some religions really push it as God's will but, honestly, I think it is extra difficult to be a good parent if you do it for ANY reason other than simply the love of children. I have known some emotionally immature people say they want a child so that there will always be "someone who loves them," but I think that is naive and inappropriate, personally. You cannot ever guarantee that anyone will always love you or want to be around you, and that includes children.

Nice answer DWaMom. That makes a lot of sense.

Japan has one of, if not the lowest birth rate in the world.

But this is something very recent, Japan is 127M (Tokyo has the highest population density city in the world); that's a lot for a small sized country as Japan; meaning it was a baby-popping culture in the past.

But now their guys are going extremely MGTW somehow and sexless....I bet they got tired of the material expectations and demands imposed (in this economy) on them by society and potential partners.

That would depend on how many were there to begin with, but I see your point and you're most likely right.

As are men(or just people in general) in most western countries to a certain extent. I truly believe japan are front runners for what will likely happen everywhere. The birthrate will continue to decrease to the point of people not even bothering at all.

Yep.

The birth rated in Australia and the USA are at all time statisical lows as well as in several European coutries.

The percentage of single people are at all time highs in Australia and the USA,
Marriage rates remain low, and in some places people are working longer hours than before.

Our society is increasingly shallow, materialistic, independent/self reliant and loveless. Both men and women are almost equally to blame in their own ways.

Sense of community and brotherhood among your local population are non-existant in the modern world.

Completely opposute to the culture in 1957. People were pressured to.marry young, stronger community ties, more.marriage and commitment etc.

I...can still see some benefits of our modern dating culture.

The 1950's sound awful to me. Being pressured into a job you don't want, to then be pressured into getting married. I think my grandparents were happier than most couples these days, but I still wouldn't want it. I don't think my grandpa's life was all that interesting.

Starting when I was a teenager, I wanted a child so as not to be alone! I would raise the child as I saw fit, as a good person, and the child might rebel sooner or later, but I'd welcome the child back every time, and the child would learn to love me if he/she didn't already! I still have that attitude, but my son is in a different country, so it's difficult to support him though I try on the phone and that. His father has custody but he can come live with me if he wants after he's 18. When he was first born, after my postpartum depression lifted thanks to meds, he was my buddy, keeping my company; I love dancing around to music with him and showing him stuff around the house and explaining to him what it was. I even loved changing the sh***y diapers.