In need of advice...

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I'm a 31 year old woman who was diagnosed with asperger's at 23. I'm really, really shy so I don't know many people and don't get out much to socialise. I've never been on a date, never even been asked and I'm starting to feel like a total reject. I'm relatively bright but socially awkward. I don't think I'm completely hideous, but I'm not particularly stunning either. Just average, I suppose. I've tried dating sites but I get the wrong sort of people on there...

Anyone have any ideas on how to meet people who'll understand my autistic traits? Or how to build up some self esteem?

I'm also looking to meet people on this site if anyone's interested in random new friends. I'm based in the UK (south).

Thanks for any advice.

join groups that explore your hobbies or needs. I belong to a choir and I used to belong to a 12-step group. met friends in both groups.

a book that helped me with my self-esteem is "the self-esteem companion" by McKay, fanning et al.

Another possibility might be to volunteer. There are lots of places out there that are always looking for volunteer help, such as charities, churches, hospitals, schools, political organizations, etc. These are also places where you can practice your social skills. Oh, and as for dating, you might consider asking someone out out on a date yourself. Personally, I would be really flattered if a woman asked me out! The worst that might happen is that they say no thanks.

You could try meeting with other AS people. The spectrum is wide, but often I see a lot more understanding for autistic traits between non-NT partners. I found that to be true in my last relation, which is now coming to a close. Neither of us felt the need to adhere to the superficial and silly things that go on normally. I guess that this is, ultimately and ironically, what made our relation fail too. But we didn't really date; we just did things we both enjoyed like going to museums and hiking together.

You are not a reject. If you weren't across the North Sea from me I'd ask you out on a date.

There are lots of good suggestions given, though you never know; some of us have been brought together right here on WP

I'm also shy. If I were looking into dating I would try the dating sites. How come the wrong people message you? Do you speciffically state what you are looking for in your profile?

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Neurotypical. I'm very friendly; feel free to message me.

For any female user on a dating site, 95% of guys messaging would be the wrong people due to the huge gender imbalance, the huge number of options, the not small number of pervs and her own pickyness level.

^ Oh, okay. I forgopt pervs still end up messaging and I also forgot some people have high requirements. Makes sense.

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Neurotypical. I'm very friendly; feel free to message me.

I tried Aspie Affection but there isn´t really anyone that close to where I live (Kent/London that is active. I too would probably prefer such a relationship. Not that I have had any others but that it would probably be less of a pain and source of confusion, and having someone who finds my capacity to talk incessantly on all sorts of topics in detail - an obsession de jour - would be nice. The sex ratio of aspies is against me though.

Since the uk is about as small as Michigan, why do a lot of aspies find it hard to travel? I've gone more than two hundred miles away and stayed there for one and a half years before.