small talk- do you really think i was going to contribute?

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over the weekend my aspie bf and i took a drive out of the city...a long drive. at one point, i was thinking of my family and began talking about them. my bf asked a question about the relationship between family members, "him" and "her". i said they're like cousins, or sisters. he made a quizzical face and said (in a condescending voice), "LIKE cousins or sisters? that doesn't answer my question". I said 'i'm not sure, exactly' and then he repeated that statment, as well. i told him to forget the conversation and then i became quiet. i felt like he was annoyed with me, because he did say he gets annoyed with people when they don't say exactly what they mean, or give specific details when they talk.

a few minutes later he asked, "do you really think that i was going to contribute to that converstation"?

i said "no", and became FRUSTRATED. i read in a seperate thread that a lot of as/aspies don't like small talk, but we're in a relationship and i want small talk. small talk, like pillow talk, makes me feel a little more connected to him.

Have you tried telling him that?

What UDG said. There's no point in talking to others about it, if you haven't talked with him first.

yes, i told him. he asked if it was too much effort for me to think in ways that would prevent me from saying exactly what i mean.

    There may be.
    It's good to find information in a controversial area before trying to address it again. (corkyviolet makes it clear that this wasn't a smooth-sailing convo)

Small talk is about bonding, it is almost never about 'contributing'.
Contributing to what? Human knowledge? A personal-relationship-family-based biological database?
From a certain viewpoint one could argue that saying nothing (listening) is not contributing... what now??
IF he is intelligent, then just maybe some of his questions can not be satisfactorily answered "off the cuff". How is that your fault?

Tell him that if he's going to ask tough questions, then he can help answer them.
and second, if he doesn't discuss philosophy in the heat of sexual passion then maybe he's "not contributing" then either, hummm?
and thirdly tell him to NEVER say "I love you" again. Don't be lazy, please say EXACTLY what you mean by that.
In full.
Each and every time.
And it better be good.

and lastly tell him to learn what communication is. It is at least 50% reception-interpretation, is HE too lazy to try to figure out what you're trying to convey?

I'm annoyed with him already because he's acting irresponsibly to himself, the world, and to you.
and that is "Not Contributing" at all.

From the conversation, it looked like he was asking how the specific relationship was between you and your family. Saying it's like sisters and cousins doesn't really say anything. He meant if you have a good relationship or a bad one with them. I guess he got annoyed that his question wasn't answered. Sometimes things like that annoy people.

On the third hand, saying "I don't know" conveys a lot to anyone trying to pay attn. (aspie or not)

That would be a nice time to throw a conversational life preserver out to someone, if of course one was too lazy to actually try to meet 3/4 of the way.

If he meant that he should have said that. It's unreasonable to get snarky because someone didn't answer a question that you didn't actually ask.

I thought it was a very direct question(For an NT, that it). Fpr the OP, does he know you have AS? Has he researched about it to know he must be very specific at times like this to avoid arguments?

actually, my bf is aspie and i'm nt. he was referring to how the two were related biologically, but my family is based on clan-ship, so they are both brother-sister (by clan) and cousins by blood.

Ohh, I understand. I think the conversation shouldn't warrant himto get so angry. He probably thinks the relationships between family members has a simple answer when it actually doesn't. It's hard to explain the relationships between family members if one doesn't genuinely know. I think you should stop trying to get in at least a bit of small talk. Sometimes people with AS tend to be direct(and sometimes honesty is really better at times),so don't feel hurt or beaten down, unless he is truly always like that(Bad mood).