Better to 'settle' if you can't cope alone?

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Just curious on your views on 'settling', if you have Aspergers or some other ASD, and find it very hard to cope with isolation.

For example, I'm in a situation where I could cut someone out of my life but would be very lonely as a result. I'm one of those people with ASD who gets very depressed alone. I simply can't cope without some meaningful human contact.

In my situation, sans this person's contact, I wouldn't be completely alone but would feel isolated. This man's regular companionship (guy in his 50s though he looks much older b/c he is balding w/ a few strands of white hair) is comforting in some ways.

However, he has many very annoying personality traits, including interrupting me all the time in conversation and being very nitpicky.

This post is more of a general inquiry.

We Aspies work so hard to make human connections, and the few we manage to make, we don't want to lose, especially if we're the type that will have a mental breakdown in the absence of close, meaningful contact.

Would you advise someone in this situation to stick it out with such a person? (In my case, this man is NOT willing to change)

I know conventional wisdom states that it is never good to 'settle' for dysfunctional people, even if it means you'll be lonely without that person.

However, don't the rules change slightly for those of us who CAN'T MAKE NEW CONNECTIONS if we lose the one we have?

I know I haven't shared much detail so this is general... Is it a good idea to settle for a dysfunctional relationship that causes you anxiety and stress than face feeling alone?

(I'm directing this question to those of you who cope less well with feeling lonely in general, but anyone is welcome to respond....

I hate being lonely and alone, although I do like being by myself quite often. I have hung out with people I didn't like or annoying people in the past when they were the only one I was friends with. What I'd do if I were you is keep him as a friend right now while trying really hard to meet someone else in the meantime.

Do you mean as a friend or in a relationship? I'd probably be less willing to have him around as a bf if I didn't like him than I would to have him around as a friend.

I'd like to suggest FB as a way to make friends. I've made a lot of friends there and actually met my very best friend in the world on there. I'm her best friend too and she says we are soulmates as friends. It's weird because she is EXTREMELY popular and I'm her best friend. I am NOT somebody that somebody that popular would be good friends with, let alone best friends. But it is a give and take relationship and I'm not the only one giving, so I'm not being taken advantage of. Please, do try FB and know that it can take some time, and that you have to comment on statuses and do the small talk or one liner type thing a lot at first but you can truly find good friends there.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

No good seeing things that way in the first place. Stay away from whomever disagrees with your sensibilities, move on, and find pleasing intricacies in good friends you hadn't considered, or please go to some parties...

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"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

it's a complicated calculus that each person must figure out for him/herself. as long as he isn't out and out abusive, only you can weigh the pluses and minuses. it helps if you can think of his nitpicking as a mental illness and disregard the spew whenever possible.

you might also try looking for other supporters so that if mr. interrupting nitpicker ever becomes unbearable, you will be able to let go. if he objects to you making new friends, that's a sign (according to AWARE - the battered women's support network in my area) that he may well turn out to be physically abusive. in that case, no amount of support he gives would be worth the risk.

Doesn’t being alone count as “settling”, too?

IMO the best thing to do would be cut him off and then make the effort to meet new people. You say you can't make new connections but this is not true, you just don't want to because it is hard and out of your comfort zone. Facing up to this and overcoming it is the only way to be free.

I am on of those Aspies who is a lot better & happier when I'm in a relationship. I personally would stick it out if we were more than friends(like if we were in a relationship that was somewhat serious). I have my faults that would make most women uninterested but I have the mindset that they would like me if they gave me a real chance. I think it would be hypocritical & unfair of me to leave someone because they have their faults too. I also am very loyal & am committed to making my relationship work as long as my partner is. I have some traits of codependency but they were alot worse in the past due to anxiety & OCD. I don't think of it as settling but rather compromising however OP you mentioned how he is unwilling to change. Do you mean he's unwilling to compromise for you at all? Or he's just not compromising in some areas. If it's the former & your comprising for him things are one-sided but if it's the ladder it may be that he cant change in those areas or is trying in other ways.

No way. I'm so miserable when I do this