Autistic people and romantic relationships!

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I was doing some research last night about autistic people and romantic relationships. One interesting bit of info I found below in regards to prejudice towards autistic people in regards to pursuing romantic relationships.


"these prejudices have often limited the ability of autistic people to participate in romantic relationships of their own choosing"



Can you explain exactly how prejudices have stopped you from participating in romantic relations of your own choosing?



here is the rest of the info from the article (in regards to autistic people and romantic relationships) just to give you an idea.




Autistic people may also face challenges in pursuing romantic relationships. Although no academic articles about romantic relationships have been published, personal accounts by autistic people do indicate that learning how to develop such relationships and navigate dating and marriage may be particularly difficult for many (e.g. Newport & Newport, 2002; Lawson, 2005; Edmonds & Worton, 2005; Zaks, 2006; Ramey & Ramey, 2008). This problem may be exacerbated by societal views that romantic relationships are not desirable or attainable for autistic people.

These views parallel discriminatory attitudes toward people with other developmental and neurological disabilities. People with intellectual and developmental disabilities historically have faced discriminatory practices by members of society to prevent their participation in romantic relationships and to limit their ability to have children. For instance, people with intellectual disabilities commonly underwent procedures to sterilize them during the early 20th century. More than 47,000 forced sterilizations of people with intellectual and developmental disabilities in 30 states occurred in the four-decade span between 1907 and 1947 (Braddock & Parish, 2003). Although such forced sterilization for any other subset of the population is very rare in the 21st century, negative attitudes and outdated perceptions regarding romantic relationships for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities have nonetheless persisted.

I wouldn't take it too seriously or get worried about it.
Anyone who is different in any way faces some level of discrimination, and everyone is different to the next person!
From your own post "no academic articles about romantic relationships have been published" - therefore it's speculation, conjecture opinion and personal experience, rather than some quantifiable and certain fact.

The article skirts dangerously close to eugenics, and that has a rather nasty taint to it, since it was a tool used by the Nazis in WW2.

Having said ALL that though; Aspies and Auties are known to be less social, have difficulty reading and understanding social cues, body language, and subtlety, as well as sarcasm, so we generally don't make the first move when it comes to romantic relationships, and if we do we tend to be a bit clumsy and awkward about it, which can make dating difficult.

In my case I never made the first move, but still managed to get married twice, the first marriage failed, but my second marriage is going well, and we've been together as a couple for over nine years, and married for more than six years.
I tend to obsess over people I'm interested in, whether I'm in a relationship of not.
If I'm single and I'm obsessing over someone I'm interested in, I will try to pursue it, but if it's not reciprocated I hit a wall, and don't know how to bring them around.
If it's not reciprocated, it may just live in my mind as a fantasy.
I still think about my ex girlfriends, and occasionally wonder what they are doing, and may even look them up on Facebook or the like, though my few attempts at contacts with ex girlfriends have not gone well.

What the article doesn't put into account is the popularity of online social media, which is a perfect tool for Aspies and Auties to use to find a romantic partner, as you can look at someone's profile, message or email them, and exchange ideas without having to go through the difficulties of body language, eye contact, and other subtle social cues.
I met my current wife though an online dating service, and had online dating not come into being I may still have been single, had depression not been such an issue as to have likely caused my demise.

I think the fact that the ASD spectrum is now being better understood and accepted means in time we will be seen as just a little different but still valid and valuable people. There will still be some level of discrimination in society for any group that is perceived as different, as that is human nature, and even animals have been known to shun members of their group that don't conform to some norms.
On the whole though, in time I believe those of us on the ASD spectrum will be seen as having even greater value, as our different way of thinking, feeling, and understanding has the potential to make the world a better place.

Don't forget too that people are all different, and the quirks one person sees as annoying another may see as endearing, so as long as an Aspie or Autie is interested in something that their potential partner is interested in the common ground can do the work when it comes to courting.

In a nutshell I think that's it.
From what I understand Aspies and Auties are more practical than romantic, and are more likely to give you a pot plant than a flower, go for a meal at their favourite restaurant than a posh French place; but some people Aspie or otherwise prefer that, as it's more direct and honest.

Yup I have experienced it. Unfortunately it has given me a very negative self image. I am starting to work on it. I have been able to get dates and at least get women interested. It is a matter of practice and also trying to get used to the rejection.

Believe me it is hard but I believe that I will find a good relationship. It just takes a lot of work.

Let's face it, it is not easy for even NTs to find true love. It is just as hard for them especially males.

We have to learn more how to do it and we are little different but it is possible. We honestly need people that are more accepting and understanding and can work with is as we work with them to relate. It is very hard but in what is hard there is reward to be had.

In additon every single person who is different has had to deal with discrimination. The best way is to find forgiveness for those people that injured you. I am only just learning how to do this. It takes time and practice.

We are all worth it and I always think about the fact the god does not make junk. We are all worth something and can bring something to this world. Altough this is hard to see at times.

I've never had anyone tell me that I shouldn't be in a relationship, get married, or have kids because I am autistic. In fact, I have a hard time convincing people that I don't want to have kids. I have been rejected due to behaviors that are autism traits, but that's not the same as someone who was previously interested suddenly rejecting me once they find out. I'm sure their are ignorant individuals who do that, but Idk if I am lucky not to have experienced that or if it is a rare prejudice.

Romantic relationships are the most difficult of all social interactions and the traits of autism make forming simple acquaintances difficult. That doesn't mean we shouldn't be allowed to try. Assuming we want to. Yes, I have heard *that* line before.

I have difficulty respecting people that are close to me at times but they really are hard to deal with. Am I a bad person because I have issues with controlling emotions. I mean some people think I can be abusive. I do not mean it. Why does it not matter that I am not intentionally doing it.

I have been thinking that the only woman I could be with is an AS woman because I do not want to be the one that gets bashed on ASpartners by an NT.

Not all of us are completely insensitive. I mean I can be quite a great guy and I tell people the truth. just do not understand why NTs only can get confused by us and they give us no credit. Honestly the NTs are being abusive by not trying to work it out and cry and complain about a marriage they had for 10 years. Why did you even bother to get married in the first place. Idiots. It takes all kinds.

I have thought that I should forget a relationship. It makes me sad that I have all this fear that a woman will end up hating me for something I was born with. I am working on it. But sometimes I just want to give up and say screw it. I am better off alone otherwise I just screw crap up and break everything I touch.

I cannot deal with all the prejudice that is weighed against us sometimes.

Honestly I have had the worst luck ever with romantic relationships. It has gotten to the point where I need to seek therapy to get rid of all the negative self-talk, and actually believe that I am a worthy person. I mean I try to make the first move and it just seems like I keep getting rejected over and over.

I can make friends quite easily but it is not understanding female body language that is killing me the most. Plus I think I am sending signals that are the exact opposite of my dialog. I mean if a woman is showing signs of interest I have no clue how to spot them.

If it is about luck than I have horrible luck because people are always telling me it will happen when I least expect it.

Sorry I just think it is not fair that other people get it. I mean I am intelligent, funny at times, unique, and a real person. It seems 70% of the population are phonys and it seems like the bad guys always win and get the girl. lol.

I mean I know I will find the woman I want. But I give up too easily. And I tend to obsess over certain women. It is a nightmare. I feel I am some kind of creepy stalker or something. I mean people have a tendency to hate me and I spend many times completely alone and isolated.

I mean I tried aspie groups but the one I went to the people just were not very friendly and I was awkward so said almost nothing for the three weeks I went. I felt left out as I feel everywhere I go in the last 3 years. I want to cry constantly but I don't. I cannot do it most times. I feel I have no emotion for anyone anymore.

I have so much to offer yet I cannot show it in the beginning. Women always just want to be friends with me. They are never up front with me and lie many times just to not hurt my feelings. I am tired of false people who for some reason think I am dangerous or something. They always seem to run away.

I was talking to a woman and then I asked her out to coffee three different times and it seems she was just making things up which means I cannot trust a word she says. I cut it off without telling her one thing. Screw it. Obviously I was being rejected and I finally was able to pick up on it through intuition. I think I have made progress and the fact that I let the person go and was not affected by the rejection makes me feel hope.

Well, I'm working on building a relationship by getting to know some young fellas and all. Some of the things that keep me from getting on a relationship are minor really. They involve looks. You see, when I was in fourth grade, this boy who was in my class called me fat and I was seriously upset about that, it still kind of scars me. Also, in sixth grade, one of my friends told me that this girl I knew since preschool called me ugly behind my back. I know looks aren't everything, but sometimes I worry about whether any guys would like me even though I don't wear make up like lots of women do (which I seriously don't understand why, if you ask me, make up is sometimes a bit of a waste of time worrying about.)
Other reasons why I have a hard time being in relationships, they're more than minor to me... I don't do too well with socializing with guys and young men (probably because I have been more comfortable talking to other girls and women for just about my entire life) but socializing with guys isn't as much of a problem for me as it used to. Also, I worry about being taken advantage of since that's happened to me even in "friendships". Sexual orientation is another thing. I'm bisexual and I know there are a lot of people who don't like the gay subject; it's probably best to not talk to me if anyone's against the subject. Religion probably shouldn't be discussed with me unless you're maybe Atheist like me, or you really don't care what my thoughts on certain religions are. Another thing is this: although we are all annoying in our own ways, I do not like being called annoying behind my back. That happened when I was in sixth grade (if I remember correctly). I've been afraid of being myself, but I'm learning to be myself and not care what others think.