Why are most families so obsessed with dating?

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So when I was 12 I noticed a pattern:
My sisters barely cared about me except when some girl had left a call and I needed to get back at her.

Now just to show you what I m talking about:
Two girls randomly called home to ask the colour of my eyes as a joke while I was in the middle of some after school classes.
My sisters made such a huge deal out of things like this that girls were ashamed to admit of calling most of the times.

There was one that didnt really care about this because I was helping her with some group projects and she found me funny so my whole family began obsessed with her since she kept on calling.
When was I going to ask her out?. Had we talked about our feelings?...

I was freaking 12 at the time so I started this habit of hiding information from them whenever it involved girls. Also it took me two years to ask her out, because I wasnt really into dating at 12 and I just wanted to upset them when i was 13
I figured it may slow things down a little.

Now Ive become pretty decent at "forgetting" to mention most things involving girls to my parents but from time to time I need to because there is no other way of going to a friendly meeting/whatever and whenever girls are brought up my parents become much nicer and let me do whatever i need to do.
ie: a car is being repaired and we need to share cars to move on with our lifes.
If I dont mention anything I get to use public transport all day, if there is a girl involved and I "need" a car to see her someone gives me my car several hours earlier than I need it, just in case(only happened once and my parents still ask what became of her when I was clear on the fact that I just needed to give her some money for tickets to a show)


Now my sisters have something similar(nowhere near as bad as me because they arrent the ones with social issues but still) and plenty of other people my age that I know too.


So I wonder 2 things:
1 Why do families put so much pressure on dating?
2 Why cant they see that it is actually counter productive?

Hooo hooo hooO!

God do I know the feeling! I think you know the answer. Is this just to vent?

My mum puts lots of pressure on me as she believes every guy I date is someone I'm going to spend my life with. My nan is the same, and even when I'm being treated poorly by a guy (being ignored, dates cancelled, whatever) they both think I should put up with it. It's dreadful. They're the same with my sister. They'll be all like, "There aren't many decent men in this world.", "Ohhh, but I liked Bob."

And as you know, my mum and nan made me fear for my life when I was dating this guy last year just because he rode a motorbike, and it totally messed up my confidence, and I haven't been the same since. I'm still trying to forgive her and my nan.

And yet, me and my sister have been with unsafe men and our gut instincts have always told us there was something up, and mum and nan have made out that it was all in our heads, even though we've been right every time.

I agree with you - it's completely counter-productive and interfering. Also from the other side, you don't want someone who still has their umbilical cord attachment. Any future boyfriend must have parents that live at least 100 miles away.

Not all families are like that. Some take for granted dating is alien to you, and seem quite pleased with it staying so, discouraging it in many ways. They can actually talk about it, but always with the implicit assumption that it’s only other people’s business, not yours. I’d rather be in your shoes instead.

Answer to question 1: In some cases it's because the family members are over protective and want to make sure you have someone to be there for you and/ or because of the culture (or how they were raised), like finding a spouse at 16 or 18 so as not to risk growing old and alone.
Answers to question 2: #1 they are blinded by their desire to see you with someone. #2 their really nosy. #3 they may be really bored bored and driving you crazy for their own amusement (not joking).

Btw, my family is a lot like that too, so I can see why you'd hide info. I only recently started talking to my family about such things and I still have to remind them not to get overly excited. Seriously, the last time I was even vaguely interested a guy, my mother started making a wedding invite list.

Reproduction

This is how meeting a family member or friend goes for me
"hey! Wow I haven't seen you in years! How many girlfriends have you had? Howve you been?"
Its almost as of it was more important than my wellbeing

No one ever asked me anything about my love life. Family, friends, they don't care. Even my grandmother is not interested. I'm lucky. I think it's something normal here where I live. My town is not a gossipy one. We are an anomaly, we don't give a damn about the boyfriends and girlfriends of people because we know that listening to someone talking about new couples is pure boredom

It could be worse though:

They could also see you as an individual who doesn't deserve to have a relationship or have intercourse with the opposite or same gender because you're too ...<insert random negative insult(s)>... for them or for society.

I'd rather take that gossippy mindset mentioned by the OP over this one I mentioned in my post.

Yeah I know, it's a negative as f**k view on it, but there are some families who see their autistic/aspergic children like that and it's def worse than what the OP describes, so I'm glad with my family being the gossippy kind.

Last edited by Uprising on 13 Jun 2013, 7:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

I told my parents I was autistic and hated kissing. Unfortunately, it didn't work. My Dad said, "you can still do it; your mother is the same way, and she had 9 kids."

Ok, I give up.