Can Autism really interfere in a relationship?

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ShyChristianGirl
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13 Jun 2013, 5:52 am

Can it make me overreact to a lot of things in a relationship? Like for example there is this one guy that I have really strong feelings for and he does for me as well and I sort of overreacted and he thought that I didn't trust him anymore. Okay so this is what happened well we started talking about that if we started making out in real life how far would I go with him and I said I wouldn't go as far as sex, well because I'm Christian but then he said we'd probably end up having sex as much as we're into each other like we are and as much as I'm attracted to him and then I misunderstood and thought he meant he wanted to have sex with me, but that's not what he meant and then he thought I didn't trust him after that and I was was overreacting a bit, but he's got it all wrong and then after that he just left and when I asked if it was my fault he said it was and then he was all upset and hurt, but I think I was just really surprised that he would bring up something like that to me so I kind of freaked out. I mean we normally don't go that far into conversations like this. So it really startled me and I questioned him that if he was really telling the truth and that did he really mean that he didn't want to have any sex with me or that would he go that far with me. Then he got all hurt and upset. So why do I get like this a lot of times? Is it really because of Autism? I honestly didn't mean to overreact like that and even on a lot of other things. Its like I can't really can't control it and I don't know why. Plus I've been hurt and lied to by so many guys in the past. Now I'm afraid that I've lost him for good, because he just all of a sudden started to say that he was gonna go after a while and then when I asked if it was my fault he said it was and now I feel really bad. He knows I have Autism though, because I've told him months ago before things even went this far with us. So now I just feel really bad.



SteelBlu
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13 Jun 2013, 7:59 am

I don't think you overreacted. How on earth would, "I'm pretty sure we'd wind up having sex," mean anything but, "I'd like to have sex with you."? He's just being grumpy because he was hoping you'd go along with it. Don't feel badly; you don't have to make yourself go along with something you're not comfortable with, EVEN if that "uncomfortable" thing was just him talking/hinting about sex.


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MacDragard
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13 Jun 2013, 8:07 am

Autism is irrelevant in this case.



nebrets
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13 Jun 2013, 11:57 am

Autism can interfere with relationships but the example the OP put forth is not an example of autism interfering in a relationship. It is an example of a guy who wants sex and seems to think that sex automatically happens (or should happen) when you are attracted to someone.

ShyChristianGirl, you might want to consider a different guy because based on my history this guy will keep asking about and bringing up having sex. Especially if after hearing you say you would not be having sex he did not immediately respect the boundary you created and say, cool. He is also likely to push physical boundaries because he is already bringing up how far you would be willing to go with him. You might like him and think him a cool guy but I encourage you to not get into a romantic relationship with him.

I am a Christian and therefore I will not have sex until I am married, and I have managed to keep to that. I have also had to break up with guys because of that. But I believe that I am doing what God wants and that He has someone for me who will not see that and go along with it reluctantly but enthusiastically because he holds the same standard.

I am currently talking to a guy who sends me encouraging scriptures and prays over me. Who wants me to keep the highest standards and challenge him to have the highest standards. We also have lots of interests in common and are attracted to each other. We challenge each other with what we really want, and what God wants for us to have in a spouse. I encourage you to hold out until you have found the same for you. When you find a guy who seeks God with all of his heart and pursues you, and encourages and leads you to seek God first. Then you will have the right one.


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13 Jun 2013, 12:16 pm

You are currently 23, so as much as it pains me to say this most guys our age (im 23 as well) expect to have sex within 1-2 months of hanging out and developing the relationship. Why not just keep hanging out? Just keep doing what you are comfortable with and if he sticks around good...if not then it wasn't meant to be.



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13 Jun 2013, 1:39 pm

lost561 wrote:
You are currently 23, so as much as it pains me to say this most guys our age (im 23 as well) expect to have sex within 1-2 months of hanging out and developing the relationship. Why not just keep hanging out? Just keep doing what you are comfortable with and if he sticks around good...if not then it wasn't meant to be.

Expecting sex out of women is chauvinistic, and disrespectful. If a lady wants to wait for anything to do with private matters, you let her take her time, that is a given. You are not helping by trying to get this guy to stay close to someone he shows no respect for, sounds like you just want her to have sex with him because he is another dateless guy like yourself. Let me tell you, just because you are dateless, and have not had sex yet doesn't mean you have to be an instigator.

I myself have not been completely pure, so to speak, but I've never had sex, and don't expect that out of ladies who want to date me. The best things in life are not easy, and may also be worth waiting for.


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lost561
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13 Jun 2013, 1:59 pm

appletheclown wrote:
lost561 wrote:
You are currently 23, so as much as it pains me to say this most guys our age (im 23 as well) expect to have sex within 1-2 months of hanging out and developing the relationship. Why not just keep hanging out? Just keep doing what you are comfortable with and if he sticks around good...if not then it wasn't meant to be.


Expecting sex out of women is chauvinistic, and disrespectful. If a lady wants to wait for anything to do with private matters, you let her take her time, that is a given. You are not helping by trying to get this guy to stay close to someone he shows no respect for, sounds like you just want her to have sex with him because he is another dateless guy like yourself. Let me tell you, just because you are dateless, and have not had sex yet doesn't mean you have to be an instigator.

I myself have not been completely pure, so to speak, but I've never had sex, and don't expect that out of ladies who want to date me. The best things in life are not easy, and may also be worth waiting for.


First of all I don't know anybody involved in this situation. 2nd, it seems like she likes the guy so lay off dude. If you ask normal people who date, than if a couple has been dating for usually a month or 2 for adults than sexy time is expected. You don't date someone for that long if you don't like them for some reason. And please don't say stuff about me that you have no idea about and try to bring me down to your level of being unsuccessful with the opposite sex. I don't know why you would try to attack me for no reason. Perhaps other women can weigh in on this.



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13 Jun 2013, 5:33 pm

Sex is important to men specially at that age. I'm also 23. I know all the fights with my ex was because I wouldn't put out for him. But men do have to respect boundries set. The more they try to push me into going all the way, the more I will resist. He will have a better chance letting me set the pace, little by little.



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13 Jun 2013, 7:30 pm

I'm a guy of 24. Yes, sex is normal at our age, but if a girl doesn't want to for whatever reason that's it. He should respect your boundaries.



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13 Jun 2013, 8:28 pm

lost561 wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
lost561 wrote:
You are currently 23, so as much as it pains me to say this most guys our age (im 23 as well) expect to have sex within 1-2 months of hanging out and developing the relationship. Why not just keep hanging out? Just keep doing what you are comfortable with and if he sticks around good...if not then it wasn't meant to be.


Expecting sex out of women is chauvinistic, and disrespectful. If a lady wants to wait for anything to do with private matters, you let her take her time, that is a given. You are not helping by trying to get this guy to stay close to someone he shows no respect for, sounds like you just want her to have sex with him because he is another dateless guy like yourself. Let me tell you, just because you are dateless, and have not had sex yet doesn't mean you have to be an instigator.

I myself have not been completely pure, so to speak, but I've never had sex, and don't expect that out of ladies who want to date me. The best things in life are not easy, and may also be worth waiting for.


First of all I don't know anybody involved in this situation. 2nd, it seems like she likes the guy so lay off dude. If you ask normal people who date, than if a couple has been dating for usually a month or 2 for adults than sexy time is expected. You don't date someone for that long if you don't like them for some reason. And please don't say stuff about me that you have no idea about and try to bring me down to your level of being unsuccessful with the opposite sex. I don't know why you would try to attack me for no reason. Perhaps other women can weigh in on this.


19 is an adult age. I am less than 4 years away from 23 years of age, so don't call me dude or say 'for adults'. The only reason women usually compliment me on this when they know I am feeling down is they know I won't coerce them into having sex. I am not unsuccessful mr. casanova, I have taken things too fast myself, and felt mighty sh***y about it later, don't act like I have no experience. I didn't attack you for no reason, nor was the attack without merit. I could care less about anyone who thinks sex is a given at that age, that goes for women too, it is a hurtful generalization. I'm not trying to bring you down, I'm trying to tell you who you are pushing down in expecting such ludicrous things from people. Sexy time expected, what a bunch of the biggest hyped up bull crap I've ever heard in my entire life that is.
In fact I don't resent you, I resent and attack your assumptions.


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appletheclown
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13 Jun 2013, 8:29 pm

Keep lying to yourselves.


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13 Jun 2013, 8:31 pm

appletheclown wrote:
Keep lying to yourselves.


Good advice. Will do!



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13 Jun 2013, 9:31 pm

The details of your post show me this OP.

-He brought up sex, even indicated that he would like to have sex with you because he feels you two would if you were attracted to eachother. He was honest.
-You brought up that you would rather wait and not go further than making out. You were honest.
-Something got miscommunicated from what it sounds like, but the messages given to eachother were quite clear. He said he is into you and you told him you were into him.
-He didn't accept your honesty. His problem.
-You may have overreacted. He should have not reacted in this instance since it was a sensitive subject. After a few months he should understand what is sensitive to you and how you would overreact at things.
-He decided that this problem is your fault because you told him something he didn't like hearing. Definitely not your fault. He could have asked questions and chose not to and made an assumption instead.

Bottom line- he took things too personally, blamed you for it, and now you feel bad and took it personally too.



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13 Jun 2013, 11:20 pm

appletheclown wrote:
lost561 wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
lost561 wrote:
You are currently 23, so as much as it pains me to say this most guys our age (im 23 as well) expect to have sex within 1-2 months of hanging out and developing the relationship. Why not just keep hanging out? Just keep doing what you are comfortable with and if he sticks around good...if not then it wasn't meant to be.


Expecting sex out of women is chauvinistic, and disrespectful. If a lady wants to wait for anything to do with private matters, you let her take her time, that is a given. You are not helping by trying to get this guy to stay close to someone he shows no respect for, sounds like you just want her to have sex with him because he is another dateless guy like yourself. Let me tell you, just because you are dateless, and have not had sex yet doesn't mean you have to be an instigator.

I myself have not been completely pure, so to speak, but I've never had sex, and don't expect that out of ladies who want to date me. The best things in life are not easy, and may also be worth waiting for.


First of all I don't know anybody involved in this situation. 2nd, it seems like she likes the guy so lay off dude. If you ask normal people who date, than if a couple has been dating for usually a month or 2 for adults than sexy time is expected. You don't date someone for that long if you don't like them for some reason. And please don't say stuff about me that you have no idea about and try to bring me down to your level of being unsuccessful with the opposite sex. I don't know why you would try to attack me for no reason. Perhaps other women can weigh in on this.


19 is an adult age. I am less than 4 years away from 23 years of age, so don't call me dude or say 'for adults'. The only reason women usually compliment me on this when they know I am feeling down is they know I won't coerce them into having sex. I am not unsuccessful mr. casanova, I have taken things too fast myself, and felt mighty sh***y about it later, don't act like I have no experience. I didn't attack you for no reason, nor was the attack without merit. I could care less about anyone who thinks sex is a given at that age, that goes for women too, it is a hurtful generalization. I'm not trying to bring you down, I'm trying to tell you who you are pushing down in expecting such ludicrous things from people. Sexy time expected, what a bunch of the biggest hyped up bull crap I've ever heard in my entire life that is.
In fact I don't resent you, I resent and attack your assumptions.


Tell me why I should bother responding to this?



Last edited by lost561 on 13 Jun 2013, 11:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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13 Jun 2013, 11:22 pm

nebrets wrote:
Autism can interfere with relationships but the example the OP put forth is not an example of autism interfering in a relationship. It is an example of a guy who wants sex and seems to think that sex automatically happens (or should happen) when you are attracted to someone...

This is common male behavior, and is not limited to men with autism.



ShyChristianGirl
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14 Jun 2013, 10:40 am

aspiemike wrote:
The details of your post show me this OP.

-He brought up sex, even indicated that he would like to have sex with you because he feels you two would if you were attracted to eachother. He was honest.
-You brought up that you would rather wait and not go further than making out. You were honest.
-Something got miscommunicated from what it sounds like, but the messages given to eachother were quite clear. He said he is into you and you told him you were into him.
-He didn't accept your honesty. His problem.
-You may have overreacted. He should have not reacted in this instance since it was a sensitive subject. After a few months he should understand what is sensitive to you and how you would overreact at things.
-He decided that this problem is your fault because you told him something he didn't like hearing. Definitely not your fault. He could have asked questions and chose not to and made an assumption instead.

Bottom line- he took things too personally, blamed you for it, and now you feel bad and took it personally too.


He never said that he wanted to have sex with me. In fact when I asked him if he did he said that he didn't. I also asked him if he had extreme thoughts about me and said No. He said he was waiting to have sex with someone until marriage too just like me. I overreacted and I even questioned him if he was being honest with me about things and he was like saying he couldn't believe that I would have to ask that and that it hurt him, but sex is a really touchy subject for me and I always get a little freaky when it comes into any conversations. So that is why he blamed me for this.