Finding an NT girlfriend....need advice please!

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tcorrielus
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09 Jun 2013, 2:07 pm

I am currently a grad student and am getting along with all the other grad students very well. I've been enhancing my social and communication skills thru time, and avoiding discussing inappropriate topics and saying things that can offend others. I can small talk with people too. As a result, these people started to respect and like me. I also hang out with some of them occasionally.

The one problem with grad school is that every woman that I meet already has a boyfriend, fiance, or a husband. I feel like that I will be less likely to find a girlfriend in grad school. I am still single and I feel the jealously intensifying inside me. I am particularly looking for an NT girlfriend, because there are so far NO women with Aspergers or Autism in my grad school and area.

If you are an aspie or autie male that currently has a NT girlfriend, fiancee, or wife (I hear some of them do), please provide me tips or suggestions on how you can find an NT girlfriend. What did you guys do to accomplish this? I really want to know.



billiscool
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09 Jun 2013, 3:00 pm

tcorrielus wrote:

If you are an aspie or autie male that currently has a NT girlfriend, fiancee, or wife (I hear some of them do), please provide me tips or suggestions on how you can find an NT girlfriend. What did you guys do to accomplish this? I really want to know.


you know, I would always like to know too. how some of you aspie men can get nt girlfriends.



wildcoyotedancer
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09 Jun 2013, 4:23 pm

:x seriously! As an Aspie woman with good social skills and who slipped
through the cracks as a kid dx wise I am honestly a bit offended when
Aspie guys insist on only dating NT women! Why? And how do you know
none of the women in your grad school have Aspergers or HFA? Women
with Aspergers present differently from men. I date and have dated NT guys
and guys who probably were un dx'd Aspie and had a close guy friend who
told me he was Aspie. So why would a girl have to be NT for you to date her?



billiscool
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09 Jun 2013, 5:29 pm

wildcoyotedancer wrote:
:x seriously! As an Aspie woman with good social skills and who slipped
through the cracks as a kid dx wise I am honestly a bit offended when
Aspie guys insist on only dating NT women! Why? And how do you know
none of the women in your grad school have Aspergers or HFA? Women
with Aspergers present differently from men. I date and have dated NT guys
and guys who probably were un dx'd Aspie and had a close guy friend who
told me he was Aspie. So why would a girl have to be NT for you to date her?


it because of this: ''I am particularly looking for an NT girlfriend, because there are so far NO women with Aspergers or Autism in my grad school and area'' that why OP wants to date an NT women.



JanuaryMan
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09 Jun 2013, 5:43 pm

This is ridiculous. You know, an Asperger's woman could just lie to you and say they're NT. You wouldn't be able to tell half the time if you're inexperienced.
With that in mind, why not just date a girl that seems appealing to you, regardless of what labels, categories and unwritten rules society places both her (and you) under?
You'll be a lot happier.



Stargazer43
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09 Jun 2013, 5:47 pm

wildcoyotedancer wrote:
:x seriously! As an Aspie woman with good social skills and who slipped
through the cracks as a kid dx wise I am honestly a bit offended when
Aspie guys insist on only dating NT women! Why? And how do you know
none of the women in your grad school have Aspergers or HFA? Women
with Aspergers present differently from men. I date and have dated NT guys
and guys who probably were un dx'd Aspie and had a close guy friend who
told me he was Aspie. So why would a girl have to be NT for you to date her?


From the sound of his post, it isn't that he doesn't want to date someone with Aspergers, but more than he doesn't know of any women who have Aspergers so he doesn't have a choice. And after all, we may not seem that rare here on the world-wide interwebs, but in real life we're pretty darn few and far between!



tcorrielus
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09 Jun 2013, 5:56 pm

wildcoyotedancer wrote:
:x seriously! As an Aspie woman with good social skills and who slipped
through the cracks as a kid dx wise I am honestly a bit offended when
Aspie guys insist on only dating NT women! Why? And how do you know
none of the women in your grad school have Aspergers or HFA? Women
with Aspergers present differently from men. I date and have dated NT guys
and guys who probably were un dx'd Aspie and had a close guy friend who
told me he was Aspie. So why would a girl have to be NT for you to date her?


I'm not trying to avoid Aspie girls, but I DON'T LIKE BEING ATTACKED LIKE THIS. First of all, I'm not joking around. There are none in my program!! !! I don't see anyone with Aspie characteristics. Secondly, I find it more beneficial if an NT that respects and understands me can correct me if I make a mistake when socially conversing with others. Lots of NTs I meet seem to know the dos and don'ts of social conversations. My NT parents were always the ones who had to correct me whenever I said or did something wrong or offensive in social conversations with people. Without these kinds of correction, I would become a social reject and feel like crap today! I have no problems with Aspies marrying NTs, as long as the NT's can understand their Aspies partners very well and can correct their mistakes. I can be friends with Aspies if I find any in my area.

Since you claim you have dated NT men, can you please explain to me how you sought and attracted those men? Was it thru online dating, bars, clubs, social activities or what?



tcorrielus
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09 Jun 2013, 6:14 pm

JanuaryMan wrote:
This is ridiculous. You know, an Asperger's woman could just lie to you and say they're NT. You wouldn't be able to tell half the time if you're inexperienced.
With that in mind, why not just date a girl that seems appealing to you, regardless of what labels, categories and unwritten rules society places both her (and you) under?
You'll be a lot happier.


The girls that I've seen in grad school are appealing, BUT ARE CURRENTLY DATING OR MARRIED TO OTHER GUYS. This is the problem that I'm having. Should I find girls on online dating sites, bars, clubs, social activities or what? I want to know what Aspies have done to find and maintain romantic partners.



1000Knives
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09 Jun 2013, 6:30 pm

tcorrielus wrote:
JanuaryMan wrote:
This is ridiculous. You know, an Asperger's woman could just lie to you and say they're NT. You wouldn't be able to tell half the time if you're inexperienced.
With that in mind, why not just date a girl that seems appealing to you, regardless of what labels, categories and unwritten rules society places both her (and you) under?
You'll be a lot happier.


The girls that I've seen in grad school are appealing, BUT ARE CURRENTLY DATING OR MARRIED TO OTHER GUYS. This is the problem that I'm having. Should I find girls on online dating sites, bars, clubs, social activities or what? I want to know what Aspies have done to find and maintain romantic partners.


Look for the girls after they get divorced seems to be pretty common.



Stargazer43
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09 Jun 2013, 6:48 pm

tcorrielus wrote:
JanuaryMan wrote:
The girls that I've seen in grad school are appealing, BUT ARE CURRENTLY DATING OR MARRIED TO OTHER GUYS. This is the problem that I'm having. Should I find girls on online dating sites, bars, clubs, social activities or what? I want to know what Aspies have done to find and maintain romantic partners.


I'd probably recommend a combination of online dating sites and school clubs. If your school has a Habitat for Humanity club, it's a great way to meet some really nice people and help your community at the same time, I did it all throughout college.



jwfess
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09 Jun 2013, 7:24 pm

The women you meet in grad school might not be available, but maybe they have some single friends.



Jono
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10 Jun 2013, 6:31 am

wildcoyotedancer wrote:
:x seriously! As an Aspie woman with good social skills and who slipped
through the cracks as a kid dx wise I am honestly a bit offended when
Aspie guys insist on only dating NT women! Why? And how do you know
none of the women in your grad school have Aspergers or HFA? Women
with Aspergers present differently from men. I date and have dated NT guys
and guys who probably were un dx'd Aspie and had a close guy friend who
told me he was Aspie. So why would a girl have to be NT for you to date her?


Jeez, calm down. He never said that he wouldn't date aspie women. What he said was that he wants to date an NT because there aren't many aspie women in his area.



Jono
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10 Jun 2013, 6:34 am

JanuaryMan wrote:
This is ridiculous. You know, an Asperger's woman could just lie to you and say they're NT. You wouldn't be able to tell half the time if you're inexperienced.
With that in mind, why not just date a girl that seems appealing to you, regardless of what labels, categories and unwritten rules society places both her (and you) under?
You'll be a lot happier.


Again, he never said that he wouldn't date anyone with Asperger's, only that there aren't many available and that's why he's looking for an NT. So, an Asperger's woman wouldn't need to lie to him in order to date him.



MacDragard
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19 Jun 2013, 12:17 pm

The only advice I have for you is quit labeling women, or anyone for that matter, as "NT" or "aspie". People are people regardless of what diagnosis a shrink gave them, and they are no different from you.



DefinitelyKmart
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19 Jun 2013, 12:59 pm

Always makes me laugh, when aspies think they are "the other", you don't have different features at all, your just a bit socially awkward its not a stumbling block at all, keep the practice up, be nice, make eye contact and when you think shes ready strike.. when is she ready? err yeah its not an exact science.



lost561
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19 Jun 2013, 1:17 pm

I would try to make as many women friends as possible first...this way you won't feel as anxious from approaching random women.. Then let them hook you up with their friends.