NT wants to make first move on AS but...

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Hey. So im a NT girl in senior highschool and I am intrested in one of my childhood friends who has AS. we have been friends for about 9 years and best friends for 3 of those years. I have realy liked him for about 5 years now but im too scared to take the first move because i cant tell if he likes me back due to the AS and i dont want to sacrifice our great friendship by making it awkward, i want him to know i trust him with my life and that i care for him emencely but i dont know how he will react to that or if it is the right thing to do.

Skip this if you dont want a life story:

Firstly we have been friends for a long time, since primary school. We still play videogames together and have skype calls almost every day. We text almost every day but 90% of the time its me initiating conversation the only times he initiates conversations is when he begs me to go on my computer and join him playing games. When we play games together we laugh and smile continusly, especially when we kill eachother or shoot eachother...ect, Whenever one of our friends kills me he avenges me but only if my death was for no good reason. We also love playing horror games together and he teases me when i get scared... Whenever we play games like WoW we always quest together and team up. On another note at school we dont talk much at all but whenever we see eachother I smile and wave and he smiles back at me, He cant seem to keep eye contact with me especially around friends or his family. Whenever he is pissed off about school or exam/ assessment marks he texts or skypes me about it seeking support, we always turn the situation into a joke and can make him laugh easily when its late and im tired i get a little angry at games and he can tell, he sais things like "go to bed, your tired" or "are you tired? I can tell you are, you should go" in a cute voice but when I say "yeah I am tired im going, night" he becomes sad and sais "dont go yet" or "aww, ok". I dont want to destroy this great frienship for my selfish want of something more.

I want more in this relationship but I would feel selfish if because of this i would make our friendship awkward. Please help me or give me support in some way. Does anyone know how or what aspergers guys do to flirt or ways i can find out if he likes me the same way I do.

Generally aspergians of both genders are bad at flirting. I would say from his behavior that it sounds like he likes you. What I would do in your situation is to state your feelings for him very clearly, but also say that if he doesn't feel the same way, then things can go back to the way they were before. From stories other people on the site have told, I think it would be a bad idea to try to pressure him in any way. Just let him know what you want and leave it at that.

People on the spectrum are not good at nonverbal communication or "reading betwen the lines". If you are interested in him you need to tell him.

Do not hint. Do not bat your eyes or twiddle your hair etc.

Tell him you are romantically interested, and give him some time to process this new information but do not expect an answer right away. Some time later, possibly days later, invite him on a date.

Every person is different, but he is unlikely to be offended that you are interested. He is quite likely just unaware. If he is not interested you should be prepared for him to be blunt about it; do not be offended, it's extremely unlikely that he intends to hurt you, many aspies just communicate very openly and honestly.

And if you are thinking of like kissing him that doesn't work either cause he will not know its cause you like him, It might be good to just sit down and act like its a business deal and talk to him tell him how you feel ask him how he feels. I think you over estimate the awkwardness I have dated and been friend with many girls. It is usually only whenever I am really attached or vice versa that it goes badly. Like If it snowballs which i have learned to avoid.

Thank you all for your advice. I have concidered all of this, I understand deeply the frustration of being a social outsider, I wouldent say im the most normal person out there but i know how much harder it would be to have AS, i have been his friend for 9 years... So i do understand the awkwardness. Also I would never kiss him or even hug him randomly or think he would understand it, I know he dosent like being touched and I myself find it easier to have a deep and meaningfull conversation with someone and explaining everything rather than use body language or expect someone to understand what I am trying to say with any sort of bodylanguage. One of the reasons he is my best friend is because i dont even understand societys use of body language and would rather full explanations or conversations. But that is a problem too because i am quite shy and can find it hard to talk unless its a topic I love. Anyway I know one day I will tell him my feelings...

I am very tempted to tell him how i feel and i wrote this draft on what im going to say... Can u guys point out anything i could improve or add or remove to make it sound better or is this good. Do you think my point and aim will get across afectively and meaningfully?

Do you remember our childhood? When we use to play with lego and other toys. Or the times when we would pretend to be our characters, the ones that are now our gamer names? How about every time we play computer together and Skype all night long, and the times you make me laugh so much I wake up my parents and am sent to bed?or the times I get so sleepy I just have to go but I never want to. Each of these memories has a strong place in my heart, each being a memory I never want to fade, and they never have, even to this day.

There is something I have been wanting to tell you for a long time now, four years to be frank. I have a crush on you and I like you more than a friend. I care for you, I trust you, I love the friendship we have with each other, you can make me laugh so easily, you make me happy when I'm down, your laughter and happiness makes me happy. In my mind you are my closest friend, you have never been mean or spiteful toward me and you have never betrayed me or my trust in you and most of all I look up to you... Literally.

I needed to get that off my chest and I wanted you to know even if you don't feel the same way. Take it all as a compliment on how much of an amazing friend you are! Anyway I don't mind how you feel about me, it would be awesome if you felt the same way. But I would still love to be your friend (or more) no matter how you feel.

How does this sound? Should i send this to him?

A lot of folks on the spectrum take things very literally, so here's a couple things:

Its hard for me as an aspie to imagine how aspies don't like to be touched when i prefer to always be touched. Have someone i care about touching me but you know him the best, and also before you do this you should probably make sure you would be fine with a relationship with an someone with AS like you may never have the same kind of physical fun you could with someone else. and he might not get how to treat you differently with a title. I have had many relationships fall apart because we liked each other but I didn't treat the special or more than friends. Other than physical affection i treat a girl i love the same as someone i just met. And so it can cause issues. I am just saying you should be aware of what will change or you may want out of this relationship. knowing what your getting into, even if you care about him it doesn't mean This will give you whjat you want. I'm sorry if this sounds callous, But I want to look out for my fellow aspie and you.

On your letter. You might just tell him. Then explain what you want to do. And then say why you feel that way. Ask him How he feels and what he wants and then explain to him how relationships typically go (If he doesn't know or understand). You may not have a romantic story of how you got together but it should work.

I might drop the first paragraph.

And don't say "look up to you" I think I know what you mean by it, but the way you said it sounds like your talking to a hero or someone.

Just pounce on him and make out with him! LOL just kidding have a talk with him and tell him that you really really like him and want to be more than friends.