What do you think of online dating sites?

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Hi all,

I’m really curious as to what experiences other aspies have had with the online dating scene. I have been using a free site off and on and have had many dates but nothing serious, no relationships. I did manage 5 dates with one girl and 3 with another but then I always managed to go wrong somewhere.
However, with the help of my therapist and many friends giving me advice, I now understand many of the errors I made.

Obviously my poor record and getting into the dating scene later in life has a lot to do with my Asperger’s and ocd, but I think I’m at least making some progress.

I try to make small talk with women in person too, but it usually doesn’t work well and I am often nervous, still I get myself out to as many events as I can.

I am just wondering how others find online dating, is there more chance of success on paid sites? Has anyone found a stable relationship this way?

Thank You.

They're great, but they don't always work for everyone. I tried using them about three months ago, OKCupid especially, and the 'ladies' that were really "interested" (yeah, right) turned out to be scam artists. That's the ones to be wary of. I basically gave up on the whole thing and terminated all of my online accounts/profiles on all of them.

I have used okcupid. So far no scams thank God. But I find that many women there treat dating like shopping, no commitment, no sense of let’s try to make this work together. If it does not fit, put it right back on the shelf.
They just go right back online, perhaps a paid site would attracts more serious people inclined to commit, maybe a free site is too casual.
I won't give up yet. I still would rather meet someone in person.

Once a couple of years ago I got in a 4 month relationship with someone from OKCupid, but she pursued me online. She had MAJOR issues, was extremely obese, and we didn't really click, but I hadn't been with a woman in a long time and was grateful for any attention. Every time I've taken a shine to lady on a site, the most I can get is maybe 1 or 2 dates before she decides to move on. Most the times I can't even get that far.

Sometimes it's depressing getting rejected over and over, but since I don't go out much I keep going back to these sites. I figure it can't be bad to get experience, and I get thicker skin. But it goes in cycles, and then I swear off the sites, then I go back, etc.

I had good luck with them, but I get the sense they've changed quite a bit over the years.

I've had quite a few dates out of them, but I haven't found anyone who's wowed me so much that I wanted to go any further than that.

I'm sure they work really well and a lot of people use them, but they are definitely before my time. If I were single I'd just do it the old fashioned way - at a bar in tight jeans, a low cut shirt, and heels.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

I just have this weird feeling that the people I'm chatting with on the online dating site are also chatting with dozens of other people... Maybe it's a hobby to them to chat Or a person who is 'damaged goods' like I am, has probably been on the same site for ages. Just a suspicion. Maybe it is their way of life to chat online and that IS the relationship! I no longer go to dating sites but remember some amusing experiences. In one, I had a long IM with a guy who considered the IM the date....... that was it! LOL

I was smart enough to stay away from online dating.

Frankly, I'm scared of them.

I don't feel like competing against lots of other men for dating a stranger. No thanks.

Tried okstupid twice,I'm too shy to message someone so that hampered me.And when I did the best face thing where your pics are compared to others and people vote on the best one,that turned out weird.They have a bar graph where people could rate your pic,among conservatives my bar graph went all the way to the bottom The same with men over 31, the group that rated me the highest was liberal artists under 31.That's cool but since I'm 48 I don't see a long lasting relationship with a 25 year old.I may look nice now but sooner or later my face is gonna fall off.

^ ^ ^ LOL

I decided that online dating was the only way I could realistically meet someone, since I live in a small town and my only regular social interaction is at work with people I already know.

Re: the problems that other people in this thread have raised. I think it depends on the site; OKCupid sounds like the place for more 'casual' sorts of relationships and general flirting...not really 'my thing', personally. I've heard a few scare stories about meeting really weird people on there, and it has a reputation for being a favoured site for swingers...which is cool and all, but again, I'm not into that sort of thing. One of my sisters is in a long-term relationship with someone she met on PlentyofFish, which is another free site but more 'reputable' apparently.

I came to the conclusion that, if you want a serious long-term sort of relationship, the paid-for sites are better...mainly because the subscription fees and the time and effort you need to spend on registering favours people who really want to make the relationship work. I just started using eHarmony, and although I was shocked at the price (you pay for six months up-front!) some of the 'matches' were pleasantly surprising: they're the sorts of people I'd like to talk to and get to know better. I've sent a few introductory messages, and will see where I go from there.

It's going to take time before a compatible person reads my profile or replies, but it's worth a try I think. I'm just a bit uncomfortable with initiating 'romantically-intentioned' dialogue with multiple people...I wouldn't date more than one person at the same time, so it still feels a bit strange. Again, time will tell.

One thing to keep in mind is there are a lot of dating websites, so if the one you are using is not working for you, take a break for a couple of weeks, and then try a different website. For (partial) lists, see the following:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comparison ... g_websites
http://dating.about.com/od/sitereviews/ ... eSites.htm
http://www.alldatingwebsites.com/
http://nichedatingdirectory.com/

The information mentioned in the following old posts may (or may not) be of some interest:
https://www.wrongplanet.net/postp533240 ... t=#5332402
https://www.wrongplanet.net/postp478195 ... t=#4781956
Also see http://www.onlinedatingmagazine.com/ .

I'll say what everyone unsuccessful with them is thinking (inc. myself!):
I dislike them, until I get lucky or a get a girlfriend then I will recommend them to everyone

Seriously..I'm sure they work for people. But the funny thing is they work for people that don't need the sites.