why do some aspie men do so terrible with women

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I know there are alot of aspie men who can't get dates, but they can at least get female friends, if not that,
at least get along with women
but there are aspie men on wp, they can't even get along with women at all. some are just shy and nervous around women,
which is understandable. but other aren't and actual try to talk to women, but no women want to talk to them.
What are they saying to these women any ways.

what are these aspie men doing to get women to not even talk to them at all.

one example:

I had a friend at community college, an aspie, who seemed to have trouble with hygiene. Well, he decided actually that he was going to be some kind of "surfer dude" and make dread locks for himself, so he stopped washing his hair for a while.

He didn't have much money, but there are homeless people on pubic transit that smell better than he did during that time, so it wasn't just that he couldn't afford the laundromat. I actually avoided class because this kid was always sitting next to me and I could not breath and could not concentrate on the lecture.

Another example:

I know an aspie kid who doesn't hydrate himself well, so when you're talking to him, he's got this goopy lip residue of some sort on his lips like a snotty-mugged preschooler with really thick mucus.

I think mostly it's self confidence issues, another thing is that were often too nice to people so we apparently to a NT come off as creepy or weak.

somebody on here wrote about reading in a book that women see men that are alone as a red flag.

if you don't have any friends, then you don't have a curriculum vitae/menu for them to be interested in you since you don't have anything to offer. I thought just being with a buddy when going out gives you more confidence, but it seems it does seem to generate more worth in their eyes. Probably why the whole concept of Facebook works, because if you are a friend of someone then that friend includes you into their circle and you will have one less red flag written on you

anyway... that's just my theory on it for now.

Last edited by Stalk on 26 Jun 2013, 12:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Throwing in my pennyworth. I seldom visit L&D because I don't like the atmosphere here. The posts I do read here often make me think to myself "no wonder this guy can't get a date or establish a relationship". The most common reasons (In my opinion) are:

1. Some guys just want to get layed and seem to view women as meat or as something to be possessed, f****d and disposed of.
2. The guys are jerks and seem to have an air of entitlement thinking they are gods gifts to women and the problem is with the women (who don't want anything to do with them).
3. The guys are unable to view and converse with women as human beings.
3. The guys are clingy and controlling.
4. The guys lack self esteem and are too nervous to approach a girl.
5. The guys don't know how to chit-chat or know what to say to a girl to get her interested in him.

There are other reasons, but from what I've seen in this forum, the above 5 are common reasons for the men here doing so terribly with women (in my opinion).

Well, the hygiene one's self-explanatory so I guess you're asking about the others?

Apparently once puberty hits there's some subtle cues one sends that show they're interested. I don't recall a real crush except for once which I mention below. I always focused on friendship and building from there because it's what I saw in my grandparents so much (my mom was divorced, later remarried but even she took 7 years witht he guy so she definitely took the long route, though part was to make sure I was okay with him.)

So, I've gotten to the "I love you" stage but then thigns drifted apart when I took several friends' suggestions and just asked a young woman out who seemed nice. It went well for a while but for reasons too complicated to get into it just didn't feel like it was working out after 4-5 months. But, that happens to NTs all the time. Another young lady I liked & we did stuff together and went on church visitation together, but when I asked if she'd be interested in going out she said she wanted to get her degree first. And that makes sense. Only thing is she moved away for her job.

So, that's one really close friend who might have grown into a girlfriend if she hadn't moved, one where I tried but it was the traditional NT thing (and for a couple months I had a crush on her, but that was after our first date and college dance when I knew more about her personality) and one where she was too busy with studies.

I can't say that, had I had that something that showed I was interested in more than friendship first, any of those 3 would have gone further. In fact, that middle one was the NT way of doing it, except for maybe the crush coming before the first date with NTs. But, I think it's that desire to focus on the whole of a relationship that makes it hard for me, and perhaps for other Aspies, too. Because, I'm right on the NT-Aspie border as it is.

lol i love it.. you know what, ive read the same topic about 50 times from the same people getting the same answers... then running in to the same problems by not using their advice

a review
1- the guys are jerks, yeah I guess aspie men are not attractive enough or skillful enough to get women to sleep with them
2- gods gift to women, again there are men like this, but do sleep with women.
so seeing women as sex object, and believe you are god gift to women, is not really problem. many men think
this way and get laid.
3- again, alot players type men think this way too and get laid
4- yes, this make sense
5-yes, this make sense

only 4 and 5 makes sense
1-3 doesn't.

1-3 make perfect sense. i suggest you learn that they do and apply it to your life.

I am not interesting in sleeping with tons of women. Maybe one more, but that it. If possible

Well learn rules 1-3 then damnit...
women are not sex toys you realise? if you get 1-3 you'll get women who then get you!! ! easy

um...no. I don't want to.

So you want one more sexual partner but wont conform to rules 1-3?
Well then your in a chastity belt that you've manufactured.

fine then, all I know, I had sex before, so I am good.

Many of us women do want to be genuinely loved. Show us you care with more than words and a hand down our shirts.

Perhaps learn what is the standard "creepy" vs "non-creepy" behaviors and work on those. Google it.
--specifics here will be on a person-by-person basis. Just start with the general stuff first.

Make sure hygiene is generally acceptable... remember that certain smells may affect Aspie girls even more.

Make sure you are not monopolizing a conversation with a discussion of your own interests. L-I-S-T-E-N

If you're unsure about normally acceptable responses in conversation (including small talk), perhaps brush up on those.

If you have a main interest, it might be helpful to look for someone with an interest in that. Given that you are an Aspie, it is very likely that you will end up rambling on that particular topic from time to time (or incessantly). If this person has at least a small interest in the same thing, it won't be so bad. It's just a matter of "hazard prevention" really.

Dunno.... just thoughts from a random aspie chick. By the way... all this stuff I'm telling you needs to be applied to myself as well. This is all stuff I know intellectually, but doing it successfully can be another matter entirely. I am no better than any of you. Best of luck to you.

Definitely! I used to make that mistake all the time in my younger days. I never knew what to talk about and the average girl I spoke to wasn't really all that interested in a monologue about physics and astronomy. An NT friend gave me an excellent tip: "The topic most people are interested in is... themselves." This doesn't mean we should talk about ourself, but follow leads given by the other person regarding what interests them... e.g. they mention they like music by band X - ask her what albums she has by them, has she ever seen them play live and take clues from her responses as the basis for more dialogue. Don't interrogate her though, that is just as bad. It needs to be a two way process of light conversation and ideally she will pick up from your responses things to ask you about too. The conversation will flow and you will get to know each other and from there see if you have much in common and whether it is worth pursuing friendship or more.