I posted about a month or so ago about liking my married coworker. Well, things got better and then they got worse. I don't like how they are now, and I'm even less inclined to work there if they stay like this.
We started becoming really close, not necessarily in a romantic way but just in general. We would always go outside to smoke together, she would always stop by my desk to chat for a few seconds, same with me to her, and she would flirt a little bit occasionally, everything was just good, we were like close friends. She even processed the blood samples for my dog for me that could've gotten her in trouble. And whenever I would overload and go outside to my car or anything like that she would be there to re-assure me things were O.K. She knew I had Asperger's because I had said so and she didn't care about that either.
I can tell I improved things for her too, because her mood gradually started to improve. When I first got there, she never had a smile on her face, she was always gorked out on antidepressants, her pupils were all shrunken, her eyes wouldn't open close in complete sync, and she was just pretty emotionally dead. The more I hung around her, the more happy she got, not just with me, but with everybody, she was brighter, constantly had a smile on her face, would get flirty with some of the other guys(but not as much as me, lol), and when she was around me, she would brighten up even more, even one of my other coworkers who I suspect is an aspie pointed it out by asking what she was so happy about when she was talking to me in the break room, lol.
But I started to get scared of it spontaneously ending like it always has in some way or another with girls I like and on my Saturday shift, I asked her if she was ever going to suddenly start ignoring me and pretending I didn't exist like all the other girls who were ever important to me and she assured me that she wouldn't. As time passed that day, the emptiness of the building and other things started to get to me and I had an anxiety attack and started talking to my other coworker listing all the issues of the job that made me 2nd guess it including having a crush on a married girl. She freaked out because I was the only new employee they had retained in the last three months and told us her and I had to figure out what we were doing so I could get myself together, the girl basically said "Yeah I'm married but I don't mind you liking me". She seemed genuinely O.K. with it. Then my coworker explained to her after I left that just because she's married and doesn't have strong feelings like that doesn't mean that I don't for her. That coworker told me that the girl decided that she didn't want me to quit because of her and started trying to keep things strictly friendly today, starting with getting gorked on anti-depressants beyond the capability to care again, and just like that she became the way she was when I got there. Everybody who saw us before could tell something changed, and some people started being nicer to me, even people who were more indifferent to me before.
I appreciate what she's trying to do but I don't think anybody is happy this way, the work is extremely monotonous and it turns out that gets pretty taxing on your sanity after a while, and even though it screws with my head a little bit, I liked liking her and she kept me sane and was a really good friend(would've stayed that way if I could've kept a grip on my emotions), and if she's gonna be basically emotionally absent and messed up on pills the whole time because of me, it makes me want to work there even less. I don't have a choice really but I just don't want it to be like this and I want to retake control and bring things back to how they are so we can be good friends again.
25 Jun 2013, 2:52 pm
