What is the most difficult thing you've had to accept?

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(hi everyone, long time no see.)

Mainly directed at those in a NT/AS relationship, though others are certainly free to comment.

What is the most difficult thing that you've had to accept about your relationship as a result of AS, as something that is simply the fact of the relationship and is not bound to change, despite adaptations you might make?

On the flip side of things, what is the greatest thing in your relationship?

As far as the most difficult, accepting that my AS boyfriend cannot fulfill some of my social and emotional needs, and that I have to seek some out elsewhere, and our relationship is definitely far from what I imagined I'd have. I know that he tries his best to make my happy, and it pains him that sometimes he can't, but sometimes I just don't get the warmth, initiative and reciprocity I'm looking for out of him. I'm also a bit bummed out that he adamantly rejects the idea of marriage, which was something I had always hoped for growing up.

But, as far as the good goes, I love this man dearly. His unflinching honesty allows me to trust him more than I trust anyone else, as well as his unconditional acceptance for me. All my life I've struggled with insecurities, social anxiety, believing people to be holding back when they talk to me, or that if they knew certain things about me, they wouldn't care for me. With him, I can trust his honesty and our lack of boundaries or walls between us. I've been especially grateful for how straightforward he is. I don't have to walk on eggshells or try and interpret some mind game or subtle hint he's giving me. He's straightforward, to the point, and doesn't hold anything back, so I always know what is going on. In my world of social anxiety and fear where I'm constantly terrified that I'm not picking up on something someone is saying, that I've trampled on some social norm or that I've said something to offend, all those worries are gone with him.

There's so much more than I can say, but I wanted to keep it short, simple and to the point (I don't think I succeeded, haha.)

And how about everyone else?

Considering what you brought up, the fact that any prospective partner would have to go fulfill certain needs outside of the relationship has left me to accept the fact that any prospective partner might likely cheat on me in the event that I am not meeting their needs. Either that or they would dump me for someone they feel to be more caring or loving than they believe me to be. Simply put, I've had to accept the fact that I might have to do way more work than I would like to keep friendships and relationships alive.

Other people

Alynn, I'm a male aspie in a long-time relationship with an NT woman (13 years). She has the same problems with me that you describe with your fellow. In fact, your description applies to us almost without alteration.

If you wish to stick with this fellow, my recommendation to you is to learn to live with him just the way he is--without change, even if change for the better does come. Of course, you have the right to expect the same from him (i.e., uncritical acceptance). It's only fair to both of you.