How to approach women? NT or AT

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I feel that I am very offputting to women in general, and I am trying to work on it. I know I could use to work on my eye contact, and posture. But other than that, what helps with the approach and first meeting of women? I feel like I don't know what to say and end up making them uncomfortable and driving them away.

Little bit of booze could help. I think a lot of our awkward interactions can be traced back to fear, specifically irrational fear of looking dumb. Alcohol helps with that by lowering your inhibitions.

Funny, I feel I've very offputting to most guys so we're sort of in the same boat!
Still, as a girl, here are my personal tips - I don't know if these are general, since I don't have many female friends and am obviously hopeless at relationships myself, but I have read some books on the topic and some of the advice seems to make sense.

Your question is also a bit vague - I mean, you haven't said what you think makes you off-putting (if in fact you are at all), nor have you described any circumstances that we can relate to, so I've just gone with general notes.

1. Might be offensive to say this, but take a shower and use some roll-on/deo Smelling good is half the battle won, honestly.
2. Start off with hello and a smile - don't try to be too charming, first test the waters. If you get a greeting and a hello back, pick some item of clothing or a physical feature that you appreciate about the person and compliment it e.g. "That's a really pretty necklace"; "Your hairstyle really suits you"; "You look like an interesting person". Preferably stay away from complimenting breasts and butt on your first meeting, even though I'm told that's what guys tend to look at first (stereotype? let me know). Most people are insecure themselves and appreciate a compliment that doesn't come across as too sleazy
3. Try starting simple conversations and work your way up - and try to spend more time listening and asking questions - show that you are interested in the person. That is always well received.
4. If you find yourself stuck in conversation and don't know what to say, admit it. That's wonderfully disarming. "You know, I had all these questions for you swimming around in my head and now that I'm actually talking to you, I just don't know where to start". That buys you a bit of time, and when at a loss, as previous, ask a question, pay attention to the answer and follow up with a question.
5. If you get a "negative" response, don't take it personally. The girl may like someone else, may already be in a relationship or may be having a bad day (PMS). It's not necessarily YOU that she doesn't like. If she doesn't look like she's up for conversation, take some time out, regroup and then try talking to someone else.

Good luck out there - and if you have more specific questions, I'll be happy to try and answer them if I can.

Some of it depends on location. Women aren't going to feel safe or comfortable approached somewhere like an elevator or parking structure for instance. (Those are just the first examples which came to mind. I'm not saying you do that.)

Then also some of it depends on your ease with yourself. If you approach a woman and are all nervous she will become nervous too. That's only natural. In a sense, the female of the species is the prey animal, to use aunt blabby's (not about females) analogy which I saw somewhere else on the forums.

A male friend of mine used to call it "exposure." It's the idea that if you run into a woman repeatedly she might begin to recognize you are not a threat. (If this all sounds like hunting: in a sense, it is. I only hope no one with bad intent will misuse these tips.)

Some places a woman might feel a little bit more at ease would be a crowded space in which she won't mind or notice as much if someone is 'in her space' or speaks to her. A subway car*, a diner, maybe the grocery store. But, not always there either. There is really no 'always' because each woman is individual, and you can't know in advance if she's in a good mood, or married, etc. (and therefore not receptive.)

The main thing to keep in mind would be to talk to a woman like a human being. Not like a target, not like you are setting a trap for her to climb into (even if it is a nice trap i.e. a date with music and flowers and nice dinner.) Start by just talking. Don't keep her too long. A couple of inane comments about your surroundings for instance. A more overt pick up ploy would be to say something like she has nice eyes or nice hair. Most women won't mind that too much, especially if you leave it there.

Too hard of a press will backfire, so, consider each encounter to be 'practice.' Don't feel like all the stakes are with any one woman. Say hello, or make a small talk comment, or give a G rated compliment, and then be on your way. It's really at first more about making you more at ease with women, than vice versa.

That's a good starting point I think. Good luck.


* what I wanted to add about the subway car and diner vs. elevator or parking garage: the difference is that typically the first two are also not places where sexual assaults tend to occur against women, despite being public places that are crowded; whereas the second two have historically been. (Using the prey animal analogy again, a woman won't want to feel isolated nor trapped.)

The subway car can have a history of creeps hitting on women too though, so, keep things very banal and G rated there if you ever do talk to a woman, and you would probably have more luck with one who rides the same car with you every day. But, if she begins heaving a sigh when you approach or the like, that's a sign of disinterest so, best to back away again if so. All this to say, no place is perfect, but some are less so, for the given reasons and more. And of course there is always the classic 'meet at church' or hobby group, or internet (be careful of the last one yourself.)

Thanks for the replies, especially Popsicle. I'll try the suggestions out and see if I can get any positive reactions. Thanks!

You're very welcome.