Biting off more than I can chew? Burnout imminent?

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Geekonychus
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09 Jul 2013, 9:06 am

So after spending a couple months taking a break from active dating, I finally reactivated and revamped my OKC profile last week. Long story short, after being mostly dateless for a while I have 3 dates over the next 3 nights! 8) I know after tonight's first I will likely be quite drained and It just makes me realize the additional hurtles I have to deal with in finding a relationship. It's impossible for me to not overthink everything and it's multiplying my stress exponentially. Part of me wants to dive right in, the other wants to reschedule and spend the week curled in a little ball shut off from people. We'll see if this ends up being a brag thread or a pre-breakdown depending on my luck this week. My self-esteem feels very fragile right now so a trifecta of bad dates could shatter it very easily. :? Thoughts or advice?



thewhitrbbit
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09 Jul 2013, 9:15 am

Lol. The 1st thing I thought when I read this is "He's complaining about getting 3 dates in 3 nights from online dating in a forum where 99% complain about how online dating sucks, he's gonna be murdered." :)

Now for my non-funny advice.

Opportunity knocks but once, and don't come back no more.



Kjas
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09 Jul 2013, 9:24 am

I guess I would say from the beginning be pretty clear about who qualifies for a first date. Don't waste your time and energy when you know it won't work out. Generally the qualifications need to get even more stringent for a second date, and more again for a third date. Have things that are really important to you that you need to find out for them to get to the next one (maybe only 1-3 questions that are super important, no more). Don't pull out a list or anything, but make sure to ask the right questions, sit back and observe.

I'm not sure how much you can handle, but long term I can only handle a date a week. Short term I might manage 3 dates a week but it would tire me the hell out. So space them out. Pace yourself. Don't be afraid if you're unsure about if you can do it to ask them to move it to next week instead. And don't get so caught up in dating that you forget to take time for yourself - not only is it bad for you, but it's going to show on your date.


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Geekonychus
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09 Jul 2013, 9:47 am

thewhitrbbit wrote:
Lol. The 1st thing I thought when I read this is "He's complaining about getting 3 dates in 3 nights from online dating in a forum where 99% complain about how online dating sucks, he's gonna be murdered." :)


I'm aware of this but not all dating problems involve not having a date. Having dates creates a whole new set of issues and a promising first date practicaly would have been enough to make me hyperventilate a year ago. I've come a long way.

I may make one of my own OKC advice threads about how to make an attractive profile at some point since I seem to be having much more luck than the average schmoe in the getting dates department. Unfortunately, the actual dates are far more complicated.



Geekonychus
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09 Jul 2013, 9:49 am

Kjas wrote:
And don't get so caught up in dating that you forget to take time for yourself - not only is it bad for you, but it's going to show on your date.

This is why I'm considering recheduling at least one.



The_Face_of_Boo
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09 Jul 2013, 9:54 am

Did you tell each date that you're dating 2 others in a week?



Khoma
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09 Jul 2013, 10:03 am

I strongly suggest not doing that.

It bad.

baaad.

(Telling that is. Dating is fine)

It could be a good idea to take some space in between, so you can have each date sink in a bit better.



Geekonychus
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09 Jul 2013, 10:53 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Did you tell each date that you're dating 2 others in a week?
Of course not.

Didn't you try this at some point? How'd that work out?



thewhitrbbit
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09 Jul 2013, 10:58 am

Geekonychus wrote:
thewhitrbbit wrote:
Lol. The 1st thing I thought when I read this is "He's complaining about getting 3 dates in 3 nights from online dating in a forum where 99% complain about how online dating sucks, he's gonna be murdered." :)


I'm aware of this but not all dating problems involve not having a date. Having dates creates a whole new set of issues and a promising first date practicaly would have been enough to make me hyperventilate a year ago. I've come a long way.

I may make one of my own OKC advice threads about how to make an attractive profile at some point since I seem to be having much more luck than the average schmoe in the getting dates department. Unfortunately, the actual dates are far more complicated.


Oh I understand and got what you meant, just having a little fun. Hence the :)



Geekonychus
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09 Jul 2013, 1:00 pm

Wow.......just......wow. My god can girls be flakey!

Starting to look like my three dates may get whittled down to one........or none. :roll:

I'll keep you guys updated.



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09 Jul 2013, 1:09 pm

Good luck!I had two dates that I met on POF,went out and never heard from either again.Oh well.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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09 Jul 2013, 1:33 pm

Geekonychus wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Did you tell each date that you're dating 2 others in a week?
Of course not.

Didn't you try this at some point? How'd that work out?


I've always been honest about it and made them know: You're being honest and they would wonder why you're such in demand, win win!



The_Face_of_Boo
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09 Jul 2013, 1:35 pm

Geekonychus wrote:
Wow.......just......wow. My god can girls be flakey!

Starting to look like my three dates may get whittled down to one........or none. :roll:

I'll keep you guys updated.
]

If they're on the same dating site and same town, could it be that word passed between them? You should have told each about the 2 other dates.



thewhitrbbit
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09 Jul 2013, 1:40 pm

Why would you mention your going on other dates? That's a dead on no-no.



The_Face_of_Boo
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09 Jul 2013, 1:49 pm

thewhitrbbit wrote:
Why would you mention your going on other dates? That's a dead on no-no.


Not in my experience, they're less likely to flake you when they feel there's a competition on you.

Geeko, I know you hate mind games but a *little* exploiting of certain circumstance is ok.

Besides, they would appreciate your honesty and view it as a great sign of confidence.

But it's too late to tell them after flaking, you would sound ten lying and playing desperately the jealousy game.



Geekonychus
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09 Jul 2013, 3:48 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
thewhitrbbit wrote:
Why would you mention your going on other dates? That's a dead on no-no.


Not in my experience, they're less likely to flake you when they feel there's a competition on you.

Geeko, I know you hate mind games but a *little* exploiting of certain circumstance is ok.

Besides, they would appreciate your honesty and view it as a great sign of confidence.

But it's too late to tell them after flaking, you would sound ten lying and playing desperately the jealousy game.


They're aren't worthy the trouble if they flake before even meeting me.

Looks like my date tonight is still on, sorta.

Tommorow's date is cancelled (this would be the 2nd time she's had to reschedule so my alarms are going off even more now),

Thursday's date is still on.