Some points to ponder about: Loyalty, trading up, etc
There were some points that come to mind that I felt would be worth noting. Keep in mind, that my experience has only a little bit to do with these points. This is a bit long as well, so my apologies if that turns you away from responding.
1. Everyone is very quick to point out that "if your needs aren't being met, leave the relationship and move on." More often than not, all you hear from people about their relationships are the bad and not the good regardless of whether the person complaining is actually happy in their relationship. Could this be the cause of people looking for a way to meet their needs outside of a relationship despite being happy with what they got?
2. One friend once mentioned on a Facebook post in the last few months "beware of the people who are looking for the Bigger and Better Deals (BBDs). They will look for personal and professional gain any chance they get. Loyalty is not their strongest trait." Professionally, I can understand a little bit. But from a personal standpoint, loyalty is often questioned.
To help with that support, I have read on the POF forums recently that a young man was commenting on how a guy friend of his and a girl friend of his were happy in their relationships and had no concerns, but were browsing the dating sites to see if they can find something better. This guy argued that his friends could leave their relationships and make their partners feel as if they wasted their time. The responses if I remember correctly indicated to not bother interfering and let these people make their decisions on their own. I even said to him to watch and learn and see if these friends regret any decisions or not in the event someone else comes along. Anyone else feel we live in a society where people are willing to trade up the first chance they get?
3. A couple co-workers of mine say this "From what I know about women and this turns out to be true is that they need that constant in their life. They want and need that guy that they can feel comfortable with and will be there for them when they need it." I said this to a close friend of mine from childhood and he said to me "it's truer for the most insecure people who have been in bad relationships... both boys and girls in my experience." So if a girl or boy is looking for a "constant", apparently they are insecure or don't want to feel lonely. Would this insecurity play a role in the bad-boy/nice guy dynamic of dating and relationships?
Kjas
Veteran
Joined: 26 Feb 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,059
Location: the place I'm from doesn't exist anymore
Just my opinion but... almost anyone who doesn't live up to their potential is going to be likely to "settle". Even if they don't think of it that way or call it that, it's generally what they are operating from underneath. Sooner or later that comes back to bite them, because as soon as they realise that (even if not consciously), they start looking for that bigger and better deal... whether or not they find it is irrelevant because they will always be on the lookout for it. This fact alone causes more relationships to fail than anything else.
_________________
Diagnostic Tools and Resources for Women with AS: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt211004.html