Trying to determine if my boyfriend has Asperger's. He's 46 and we've dated almost a year.
I'm at the end of my rope. I love him but I need help figuring this out.
Things that make me go hmmmm...
Lives with his parents, who love him to death and take care of him.
Very irresponsible with money - I wonder if he can take care of his own finances. MUST have cash, never credit because he can't control his spending.
Can't save money, can't look at the future.
Drug addict but currently doing ok.
Poor decision making skills, risk taking behavior, doesn't consider consequences (drunk driving for example) Behaves like a cHild in that regard.
Spacey and often very unaware of his surroundings.
Ask him a question and it takes him quite a while to hear you or answer - on his own planet.
Poor social skills - doesn't care if he inconveniences others (holding up lines because he's not prepared, etc). Has trouble with social norms, or acting right in 'polite society'. Will knock me and others out of his way to get where he's going, lets doors slam on me and others - he just doesn't seem to THINK, seems like he's on his own planet.
He doesn't listen - I can tell him something 3 times and he still doesn't hear me. (When traveling I said 'make sure that big bottle of shampoo is not in your carry-on or they'll take it from you - 3 times I said this! And he leaves the big bottle in his carry-on and it's confiscated.)
Racist and homophobic and refuses to see how that is ignorant thinking.
Very inflexible - does what he wants regardless of ANYTHING, as well as wont consider different viewpoints on things. Won't listen to reason.
Can be very manipulative when he won't accept responsibility for something.
INCONSIDERATE. Smokes around his dad who has advanced COPD and is on oxygen, doesn't care if anything causes me pain in my fused ankle/arthritic knee. (Stairs HURT for me, he'll take 5 levels of stairs despite knowing I can barely do it) Won't do anything he doesn't want to do, and won't stop doing anything he wants.
No sense of humor - doesn't understand jokes, takes many things very literally. -- also doesn't understand that something like, for example, The Sopranos is a tv show and for entertainment -- he sees the characters as literal scumbags.
Poor conversation skills, doesn't have anything to say, almost impossible to have a conversation with.
Disinterested in many things, no curiosity unless its something he is interested in (music, partying, hunting)
Works very hard at his job at quarry/mine doing fueling and oiling and some maintenance.
Lifelong obsession with hunting - hunting is his life, shares the experience with his dad.
Strange eating habits - wont mix foods, avoids foods (eggs for example) unless they're prepared specifically (white things MUST be removed from yolks)
Collects many things: CDs, arrowheads, hats...
Talks is a weird voice often.
Very strange about sex. No foreplay (doesn't understand it)won't touch me 'down there' (it feels weird, he says), doesn't care about my enjoyment even when I try to tell him what I like.
He's not mean, or violent. I don't think he'd ever hurt another person intentionally. He thinks he's only hurting himself when he uses drugs, or smokes too much - doesn't understand that it hurts people that care about him.
In a lot of ways he's very caring, very loyal, wants to and tries to make me happy, but he gets furious when I get upset about something or don't want to do something. Example: while in Amsterdam he wanted to find the Hard Rock Cafe (he has a strange obsession with that place, collects their thirst and MUST go there when he's nearby) and even though it was pouring rain, late enough that it was likely closed, my ankle hurt and we didn't know where it was he got angry at me for not wanting to wander around in the rain to try and find it - saying he'd done everything to try to make my day good that I was selfish to not want to do this.
He's like having a small child sometimes - I can't depend on him for anything. We missed a plane because he said we have to go to Gate 17 when it said on his boarding pass he was in Seat 17. He refused to accept responsibility for that. He doesn't pay attention to things which makes him seem stupid.
If I don't go along with everything he wants me to do he gets angry, but if he doesn't want to do something I want then Tough s**t, he's not doing it, no apologies - just "No, I don't want to." Conversely, if I don't want him to smoke in my car then tough s**t, he's gonna do it anyway . He justifies this by saying 'I'm a very rude smoker'.
He litters - just drops trash on the ground justifying that by saying 'people get paid to clean that up'. He doesn't understand why it's wrong.
His parents let him get away with whatever he wants, i don't think he was ever disciplined. He dropped out of school at 16 because he just couldn't follow rules. If he didn't want to go to school, he just didn't go to school. But he's not totally selfish at all - He's very helpful and considerate in many, many ways, as long as it doesn't inconvenience him or prevent him from doing what he wants. He wants to chain smoke in the house - his dad's COPD isn't going to stop him, my bad cold and coughing isn't gonna stop him. He waNts his music turned up to 11, he doesn't care if it bothers anyone else.
He has a circle of friends that he's known forever, and is very close to his family. He won't leave that circle. He won't venture outside his comfort zone.
I'm fed up with him. We're fighting now because I blew up and called him stupid because he ALWAYS forgets his house keys and blames it on anything except himself. (I said "Im usually tolerant of your stupid s**t but this!" He got very upset by my implication that he does stupid s**t - which he does. He's a full on space case.) We had to add an hour to a trip when i was sick and wanted to get home, because he forgot his keys. This was after he made me go down 5 flights of stairs, despite my mobility problems, because he didn't want to wait for the elevator.
Is he an inconsiderate as*hole or is it Asperger's?
07 Jul 2013, 1:26 pm
