A frustrating scenario - Aspie addicted to dating website

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I'm kind of hooked on that POF site. I've had a great amount of luck meeting women through there, and interestingly enough, it has helped me learn to socialize better, especially coming up with ice breakers. I've become so much more confident with women because of POF. However, too much attention seems to have become a bad thing, especially since prior to this I've never had any attention from people in the first place. I initially grew up a loner with few friends (rarely used to interact with people), and I still have very few friends. I had a seven year relationship (broke up last year), so I never bothered to meet women throughout my teens and early 20s. I only ever began interacting with lots of women last year, and it seems almost overwhelming now. But I'm also frustrated because I keep having to choose between who to talk to, dealing with incompatible/clingy/scary individuals, and I also find that I'm exhausting myself mentally. Socializing and flirting can be fun, but I feel worn out mentally after all that thinking. I just want to be alone after. And then I get someone asking me to hang out and I don't want to anymore. It might be an aspie thing of mine, but I seem to alternate between the desire to be with people and the desire to be alone, do my own thing and not be disturbed.

Lol, I really don't want to seem like I'm bragging, but I feel as if I'm stuck in a cycle that cannot be broken due to temptation and the rush of attention. I feel like a crack addict. Perhaps this cycle will end once I find the right someone..... but will that ever be so???


On an extra note, all these women I meet seem to be NT's. Some of them have bored me to death, others have a few things in common, but I somehow think that a geeky aspie girl would be my preference. And yet they are so hard to find.... probably hiding somewhere! Finding a truly connectable partner for legitimate relationship is hard. As the saying goes, getting laid isn't a challenge - finding love is.

I pretty much gave up on dating sites. Intuitively I feel that yes, an Aspie girl might be the best match, and the only way to find them is to join a local Asperger meetup group that may or may not exist in your area (check meetup.com).

It's much better to be around Aspies in person than on Internet forums. It is a validating experience, one that also gives hope that another person of the opposite gender with your kind of quirks actually exists.

You get a lot of responses? Damn... I am jealous, I barely get any responses on OKC and POF... It's probably because my pictures suck. I have had fellow WPers (usually males) read my OKC profile cuz I leave it on my signature

Yes, I do get quite a lot of responses. I also get messaged out of the blue. However, I've discovered that I seem to have a short tolerance for the amount of time I can socialize before I grow "weary of it" and need to escape into my own personal activity time. I also seem to find a lot of incompatibilities between me and most NT women. Getting laid wouldn't be an issue, but having a long-term, meaningful relationship doesn't seem likely with many women. I'm not really the hump and dump type like a lot of guys out there, so I do find this situation to be a huge short coming. Kind of ironic, huh? Easy time meeting girls, hard time actually being happy. Argh

Sounds like you are hooked on the initial processes and the chase, but have a hard time dealing with the commitment or monogamous parts. Do you in the back of your head fear that picking one girl from this site might not work out and there could always be someone better on the horizon? Do you find you are making excuses to ditch these girls when whatever problems you feel they might have in your compatibility can realistically be worked around? (e.g. culture, smoking/drinking, pets.)

I think Januaryman is on to something.

It could be what JM said, but I think it also might be a self-confidence issue. In other words, you mentioned it can seem overwhelming to talk with women and you were a loner growing up, so I wonder if you tend to feel more comfortable interacting with women online than in person and this is about wanting to stay in your comfort zone, which is only human. If that is the case, I think you'll be able to feel better about face-to-face interactions with the more practice you get.

Man, I've become envious of some of you guys who can actually get replies from POF or OKC. I've tried to keep my messages brief, and gramatically correct, but I haven't yet received a response from any girl from any of those sites.

What percentage of your first messages actually get replies? I've only sent around 7 messages so far, but I have a 0% reply rate

Also, do any of you guys add girls to your favourites, so you can maybe message them later, or is that a big no-no (they'll get a message if you do favourite/5 star them). Would it be better to just 'surprise' them with a message, without adding or starring them?

7 messages with a 0% reply rate isn't horrible.

Actually, I've gone on several dates. In fact, I was in a "hook-up" type casual relationship with this attractive lady for 3 months until I grew bored of the overly casual nature and said it wasn't working for me anymore. She didn't even reply to my text, and I just left it at that lol.

I NO have issues with social interaction and being able to skillfully communicate and flirt, etc. In fact, I've become fairly good at it. Also, there is no fear of commitment. I can be committed to a woman, as I was with one for seven years and remained loyal throughout. The issues seem to be the following:

- I don't know who to really choose as a partner
- my options always disappoint because it turns out that the girl really just wanted a hook-up, or perhaps she wanted a relationship, but in the end we just don't really "click;" this may be due to incompatibilities or her not being up to certain expectations, etc
- I become overstimulated due to constant social interaction. BIG ONE because, despite me being quite skillful at interacting with NT's and blending in, even impressing them with social wit, I actually feel like "I've socialized too much for now... need time alone for the rest of the day" after a while. Honestly, overstimulated is the only way I can describe this feeling. It's like you've been watching too much TV and need to do something else. Drives me nuts because then I'm lonely all over again lol.

This didn't really seem to happen with my ex because we got along so well. Too bad those kind of people so few in my life.


I do admit that the rush of the chase and lust IS very addictive. It's almost like a drug.

Maybe try looking somewhere else or pursuing something different. It sounds like these kinds of relationships are bad for you.