I don't trust my friend/Ex/FWB to Drive my car.

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But she wants me to trust her with everything but I don't and telling her will make her really upset. We are planning to go on a road trip soon and she just got her restricted license and I am not confident in her driving skills. But I am also not sure how it works with insurance and i don't want to be responsible for that kind of potential danger, But i really don't want to hurt her feelings if she asks. I have already upset her alot twice mentioning how i don't think she will be effective at driving, this all comes from her ideas that not all rules should be followed all the time and with driving that stresses me out. alot. Im not a great driver because i get distracted but it really makes me nervous to think she does things she knows are illegal because she knows she can get away with it, but I would never do it. I like rules and to follow them, they are there for a reason.

Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks,
-Z

If you want to help your friend out, the best way to allow some faith and trust in her is to allow her a chance. But make sure she follows your rules for your car. Make sure your insurance is in order first.

If you don't trust her, there must be a good reason why you don't trust her (whether for rational or a simple gut reaction) and this should be telling you something. Trust your instincts.

It sounds as though she is not fully qualified to drive anyway, and she wants you to take risks/responsibilities that other people would not accept.

If she asks, tell her 'no'. And tell her why.

Let me tell you a story. Guy I knew. Had a 2004 Ford Thunderbird, the cool looking modern retro kind. All paid off.

Let's his girlfriend who was staying at his house drive it. She crashes it. She then dumps him for not having a car.

"Not all rules should be followed all the time," may be true in some situations, but when you're sailing down a ribbon of concrete at high speeds inside a two-ton machine and having to interact with other people (many of them stupid as stones) also navigating all around you in their own two-ton flammable-propellent powered bullets, its mandatory that you know and follow ALL the rules, as written, every time. Absolute adherence to the rules, and the working assumption that every other driver on the road is an idiot with the ability to kill you at any second, is the only way to survive - especially today, when many of those idiots are driving with cell phones in their hands.

I don't frankly trust others to drive my vehicle, either, I paid too much for it to trust it to someone who has no personal attachment to it. I've seen how humans take care of property that they didn't have to pay for - they don't. By the same token, I hate driving anyone else's vehicle because all the controls are not in exactly the same place, the seats feel different, the view out the windshield isn't the same - I can't feel safe if I don't feel comfortable.

If it were me, I'd rather drive the whole distance myself than let someone else take over my vehicle and then sit helplessly and watch as I trusted my life as well as my property to their cavalier "maybe I'll follow the rules, maybe I won't" attitude. This is just one of those times you have to blame the Asperger Syndrome and put your foot down. Tell her she can't drive your car because your head will explode like Marvin in Pulp Fiction if you let anyone else have your keys.

Or you could just take a heavy sedative and make her drive the whole way while you sleep. Then if you die as a result of her irresponsibility, you won't know.

It would be better if you lost the girlfriend rather than losing the car.

I'm serious about this statement.

If she is offended over this statement, that is her problem. There is probably no way that she would allow you to drive her car if the situation was reversed and she is not to be trusted, especially given the casual relationship you have with her.

Put your foot down and flatly reject her request.

we all at times have to hear what we don't want to hear. don't worry too much about how she'll take it. sounds like she needs to grow up a bit anyway. tell her you don't let anyone else drive your car. I never expected anyone I was dating to let me drive their car.

How old is she ?
And, how long have you been in a relationship with this person ?
Has she done anything to earn your trust, or does she simply think she has the right to demand it ?

Don't let her. Insurance won't cover you if there's an accident that happens while she's behind the wheel, as you're the only nominated driver on your policy. And adding her on the policy will cost a lot extra per year if she is under 25 and an inexperienced driver.

I have no idea how car insurance works, especially not in America, but at the very least I definitely wouldn't let her drive your car until you have confirmed that the policy covers her for driving.

But, it sounds like the insurance won't cover her..... in which case it seems like the perfect reason to say that you don't want her driving your car.

Also, if you still find it too difficult to hurt her feelings by refusing to let her drive your car.... then please bear in mind that you are likely to be in the car with her. If she crashes, then she could do a hell of a lot worse than hurting just your feelings.

If your car isnt brandnew or a Mercedes: Simply get yourself something to read, so you dont need to focus on the traffic, when she drives. Thats the way I do it. My partner had no crash until now (only typical minor parking damage), but according to physics he keeps not enough distance to the driver before him. The problem is, there are hardly any people having enough distance, so he simply drives "normal", as everyone else. I cant make my brain stop, to calculate the reaction distance, according to the driving speed, which tells me all the time, that if whyever the car before us did a really emergency break, we will be in it, and the car behind us as well, because of it having as well to less distance... I read now. I can discuss and argue around with my partner for this the next 70 year and create a bad time for us everytime he drives, or I can read.

Edit: Really whondering how insurance works in your country. If I let someone drive my car, that has a legal driving license, in case that this person has no own car and so no own car insurance, the damage will be payed by my insurance. If the person has an own car and so a car insurance, then he must pay the damage himself.

"Just say no."

It isn't really a friendship if they try to manipulate you past that point.

It's pretty common for people not to like others to drive their car.

As for rules while driving, yeah there are a few you can break. I've changed lanes without signaling plenty of times (drivers will often speed up to cut you off if you signal) and speed limits don't mean much around here. In fact, you can actually be more dangerous doing the speed limit here than not.

My mum, won't let my dad drive when they are in the same car (doesn't mind him driving himself).


They have been married for 40 years.

This sums it up.