why don't people want to find true love anymore?

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transformingcar
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22 Jul 2013, 11:52 am

so I just read this article about how less people are getting married and more are staying single. It just feels so wrong that no one wants to find their true love and spend their lives together.
is it because people have forgotten how to love? it's like all they know how to do is hate!

All I've ever wanted is to find someone to love, get married, and spend the rest of my life with her. but as it seems it is becoming far more difficult to find someone who actually wants to be in relationship.
some might try to say that being single means you have more "freedom" but all being single has done to me is make me very sad, depressed, lonely, upset, things like that.
the way I see it, being single all my life is nothing but an extremely cruel form of torture. it's painful, it hurts my heart because there will never be a woman who will love me even the slightest bit...

I just want love, that's all I want out of life. I'd give up most (maybe everything) I own for true love.
but I have no choice, no one wants love anymore, all they care about is themselves, everyone is so selfish these days.
what ever happened to the days when love and family were the most important things? love has always been the most important thing to me... why isn't it important to anyone else anymore?
there's really no excuse for all the selfishness and hate in the world these days...



Fnord
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22 Jul 2013, 12:05 pm

First, define "Love".

Then, define "True Love".



belladonna25
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22 Jul 2013, 12:05 pm

I think you've summed up why people have stopped looking for love. A lot of people think like you, and have become bitter and given up on finding true love.



transformingcar
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22 Jul 2013, 12:09 pm

Fnord wrote:
First, define "Love".

Then, define "True Love".



love is when two people care about each other, and want to spend time together.
True love is when two people care about each other and stay together no matter who or what try's to tear them apart.

But, everyone should know that.



Cafeaulait
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22 Jul 2013, 12:11 pm

Lol, what is this topic?
I think many many people want to find true love. Just look up 'finding the one' on google and see how many articles have been written about this.



transformingcar
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22 Jul 2013, 12:13 pm

belladonna25 wrote:
I think you've summed up why people have stopped looking for love. A lot of people think like you, and have become bitter and given up on finding true love.


I haven't given up, I'm still trying. and no, I'm not "bitter" I'm trying find someone, it's just not easy. but I will never give up.



Fnord
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22 Jul 2013, 12:29 pm

transformingcar wrote:
Fnord wrote:
First, define "Love". Then, define "True Love".
love is when two people care about each other, and want to spend time together. True love is when two people care about each other and stay together no matter who or what try's to tear them apart. But, everyone should know that.

These are not the definitions that everyone uses, but at least we know how you define them.

Your definition of "Love" is more like my definition of "Friendship" - a buncha gals/guys that regularly "hang out" and have fun together.

Your definition of "True Love" is more like my definition of "Love" - Caring and sharing, through all adversity.

My definition of "True Love" is when two people are so emotionally "in tune" with each other that their personalities seem to overlap, and they become as one.

We'll go with your definitions.

If you want love, be lovable. This means no whining, no complaining, no anger, and no self-doubt. It also means allowing yourself to be vulnerable, and sacrificing your needs and desires for the other person's benefit. This is how I see "friendship".

If you want true love, then be true to yourself and to others. This means no deception, no lies, and no pretension or hypocrisy. Be ready to risk rejection just for being who you are. Be ready to sacrifice your very life to protect the one you love. This is how I see "love". As one author put it...

Quote:
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, and it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, and it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.


Meditate on these words.



Uprising
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22 Jul 2013, 12:30 pm

Girls will never see you as the one if they don't know who you are and what you look like.



Ann2011
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22 Jul 2013, 2:24 pm

Fnord wrote:
This is how I see "love". As one author put it...

Quote:
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, and it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, and it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.

That's lovely.

I think true love exists, but not everyone is lucky enough to find it. And those who do, don't have it forever.

Actively searching for someone has never worked out well for me. I think if it's meant to be, it'll happen.

With regard to marriage and children, I think it's good that people don't assume that both these things will happen. I would like to see more fluid relationships become common. Marriage puts a lot of pressure on a relationship.



CranialRectosis
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22 Jul 2013, 2:39 pm

FNord speaks the truth.

I found my wife, my love, when I stopped looking.

I quit the dating scene and focused on being me. I stopped going out and instead worked out. I quit partying and started learning programming languages.

What I learned is that all the social crapp was never any fun for me at all. I was just pretending to have fun and wasting my time and money going to parties and clubs. Once I quit pretending and wasting time, I grew up and became me.

The 'fun', 'happy', hedonistic, Bohemian lifestyle is a lie sold by fiends to get idiots to buy something. True love gets no airtime because THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN BUY TO GET IT. True love is only and always free. No-one advertizes it because there is nothing they can sell you.

To be happy you must be grateful. Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile. You can only find 'true' love when you give of your true self to another. To do that, you must first have something of true value to give.

Work on your value and set yourself up to love and be loved and true love will find you whether you want it to or not, when you are ready and not a moment before.



aspiemike
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22 Jul 2013, 5:08 pm

It's always the young ones who seem to say "I'm giving up" the most. I have observed that many people know what love is in their mind. Newsflash for anyone who thinks that way... Love is not an idea. It's a feeling. And the reason people give up is the fear of expressing themselves and the fear of rejection. So what? If you are afraid to feel, you will likely lose control of yourself and lose any sense of identity. You can have that feeling for anyone.

Fnord and CranialRectosis are people I can relate to, although I am not married or in a relationship. I have kinda given up on the idea of even looking for dates and love and just started looking for friends I can spent my time around and show what value I have. My cousin even told me that you eventually tire out of looking for these things and want to be yourself and that you just need the friends you value in your life. Somewhere along the line, the one you want to be with comes along. Sure you might suffer an ego bruising along the way, but you don't shy away from your feelings either.



lasirena
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22 Jul 2013, 5:46 pm

Sex is more fun.


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Cafeaulait
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22 Jul 2013, 5:52 pm

lasirena wrote:
Sex is more fun.


SEX is not that fun without feelings, imo



slovaksiren
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22 Jul 2013, 7:47 pm

lasirena wrote:
Sex is more fun.


I'd rather play Dungeons and Dragons than have sex...



auntblabby
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22 Jul 2013, 7:49 pm

I take umbrage at anybody who says we are never supposed to have any self-doubt. only sociopathic types are sans self-doubt. I have known people who were incapable of self-doubt and they were very unpleasant people, by and large. end of rant.

I never thought i'd get to experience love, after 5 decades of hermitic solitude in the emotional wilderness. but life is what happens when you've made other plans.



lasirena
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22 Jul 2013, 7:55 pm

slovaksiren wrote:
lasirena wrote:
Sex is more fun.


I'd rather play Dungeons and Dragons than have sex...


I only said it was more fun than true love