So wedding rings are dumb

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I'm having a problem with actually wanting to wear my wedding ring.

It feels weird. It makes my skin hot and it's starting to leave my skin all smooth but indented.... and it's not uniform. Not to mention I keep hitting it on things which hurts & pulls my finger backwards.

I feel dumb for posting this, because I should put up with it. It's just... annoying. I don't want to bring it up with my husband because he'll be offended. I asked if I could just wear the wedding band without the engagement ring (so at least i wouldn't keep hitting the stone on things and hurting myself) and he cried at me. It's just... bugging me. It annoys me to the point where I want to throw it in the Brazos river. Sorry.

It sounds like a legitimate sensory issue to me. Does your husband know about AS? Is there a way you and he could compromise like if you wore your ring or rings as a necklace on a nice chain at a length that wouldn't bother you so you are still wearing them since it's important to him and you care about him?

My wedding band has left a smooth indentation all around the base of my finger. I got used to it because I love my wife.

Last edited by Fnord on 14 Jul 2013, 4:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If it's causing you a major annoyance, your husband needs to get over himself. Yes a wedding ring is a symbol of love an commitment, and yes, not wanting to wear it can be perceived as a sign that a marriage is in trouble but a sensory issue is different. You may have to do a lot of reassuring, but hopefully he will understand.

I mean, do you really have to be in pain so that strangers can see that you have a ring? Lots of people have to stop wearing them because of finger swelling or gain or loss.

If he makes a big issue of it, maybe you can wear it on a necklace like Frodo? It can never fall off your finger that way.

Can't you put it o a necklace a'la LotR?
I don't know, I don't get the whole wedding ring/engagement ring thing in general. To me the comitment is not in a piece of jewellry, it's in the heart and mind of the people.

I don't wear mine most of the time.
I used to find if I wore it when cleaning chemicals would react with the ring and cause skin damage where the ring rubs against my finger.
First I started taking it off when swimming or doing housework, then at night, and now I have to consciously remember to put it on, usually leaving it on a ring stand beside the bed.
Yesterday I went to the movies with my wife, and was halfway there before I realized.
She said I was a naughty boy when I told her, but then said she was joking.
The logical part of me accepts this and knows she was just kidding around.
The Aspie in me still thinks she was mad at me for not wearing the ring.
In reality I just need to reconcile the difference and not obsess about it, or tell her about it, as she'll know I'm just obsessing about something she's already put out of her mind.

If you're married and you are having sensory issues, whether related to ASD, wedding rings, or anything else, you need to tell your spouse.
If you've married someone it's so you can share your life and experiences and support each other, and you can't completely do that if you are holding back and not communicating.

NT's can't know fully what it feels like to be on the spectrum, but if we choose to share our lives with them we need to give them the opportunity to understand and empathise with us, so we can better learn how to communicate and interact with others.
In the end the short term pain and difficulty is worth the long term gain.

Chered, how long have you been wearing the rings? If it's not long, I would encourage you to keep wearing them to see if you adjust. It has been my experience that rings just take a little time to adjust to, and it sounds very important to your husband that you do wear them.

Of course, if you've been wearing them for a while now, and they still bother you that much, then I would talk to him about it.

I think part of any successful relationship is realizing we've got another person in our lives besides ourselves to think about, and that goes doubly for marriage.

(puzzled) I thought it was normal for people to wear an engagement ring while engaged, and then swap to wearing a wedding ring after they actually get wed.

At first I wore both my engagement ring and my wedding ring together, but found that like the OP, I had sensory issues. The stone on the engagement ring would get caught on fabric, or else the whole ring would keep turning until the stone would jab the side of one finger. My husband doesn't mind if I keep the engagement ring in my jewelry box, and only wear my wedding band. I wear both rings when we go out somewhere but most of the time I just wear the band. I think your husband needs to understand that it is a sensory issue, and has nothing to do with your marriage. Can you compromise and only wear the engagement ring on special occasions?

Last edited by hartzofspace on 15 Jul 2013, 12:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Neither of my parents ever wore their wedding rings, so I've always seen that as valid.

The really dumb thing is while we were engaged, he insisted I take it off at night or for work so it wouldn't ruin the setting, but now we're married and he's decided it should be on all the time. I don't think it would bug me if it were just the wedding, I can probably get over the weirdness of that...
But the engagement ring is the one putting me in pain, getting stuck on things, and is also jabbing the side of my neighboring fingers. I've got scabs.

I wasn't able to talk to him today because of our work shifts, but I'll try and talk to him tomorrow. I'd like just being able to wear it on special occassions or when we dress up nice & go on fancy dates.
Having it on a chain is supposed to ruin the band, or so I'm told. But I wonder if I can just put it up in my purse or if I crochet a chain for it while I'm at work (which is when it bugs me most) if that might work too. He makes surprise visits to my job so he'd have to know and be OK wth that too.

He just puts way too much emotion into the symbolism of it all. I don't want him to tear up on me again. Don't know what to do when he cries.

He's decided it should be on all the time? Frankly that's not his decision.
I personally would never wear any kind of ring, I would be terrified it wouldn't come off again.

Beside france, I have never heard that it would be usual to wear the engagement ring every day. At our place you only do so on special days, so when you visit celebrations, birthdays, theater... I am happy about it, because my partner bought me a very big engagement ring, it was meant totally nice of him, but I never weared rings before, and so I could tell him, that I couldnt get used to that broad, big ring and my wedding ring is now really, really small and thin, so that it doesnt annoy me all the time. So sure, its also much less worth and you cant do stones in it because of it being so thin, but the most important part of the ring should be it being a symbol for my partners love...if he wants to present me something for my rent, he can do with Coco-Cola portfolios. ^^

The good thing is, that gold can be worked on easily, so maybe your partner would agree to smallen your ring, so that it is more comfortable for you? If you are used to necklaces, you could wear your ring on a little chain around your neck, specially for men that need to work with hands it is more and more common here, because as a mechanic, wearing a ring is a risc if the ring gets caught into machineries, and additional it gets scratched all the time, when using tools with much power. So on special days, they wear it on their hands and on normal days, they have it on a chain under their shirt. But gotta say, additionally its common at our place to wear the wedding ring at the right hand, where it really sucks if you are right handed and need to work with hands.

Last edited by Schneekugel on 15 Jul 2013, 4:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'm not sure this is much of a concern.

Same here, I've always had an issue with them...I guess my dad does too.

A wedding ring is an outward sign of commitment. It's also a beacon to other men telling them to back off.

The vast majority (though not all) of men will not hit on a girl who has a wedding ring on.